


Thank Goodness for Crazy

by AndixxYukie



Category: Attack on Titan, Shingeki no Kyojin
Genre: Comedy, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Major character death - Freeform, Original Character - Freeform, Original Female Character - Freeform, Romance, Sarcasm, Slow Build, Violence, witty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2018-04-30 13:43:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 26
Words: 63,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5165963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndixxYukie/pseuds/AndixxYukie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Imagine waking up somewhere unfamiliar - a strange world. And nope, you weren't kidnapped. You just appeared. And that place was inside a fictional story. Just how crazy is that?</p><p>Now imagine falling in love with one of the people - nay characters - in that world? Crazy, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I wish I had Dorothy's Grand Entrance

**Author's Note:**

> This is the story of Andi Frost, who in a totally mysterious way just woke up in the middle of nowhere. She soon discovered she was in what she thought was a fictional world, interacting with supposedly fictional people. And that world was no other than the world of the titans - Shingeki no Kyojin.

 

 

            Have you ever had a moment where you just question everything? Like, did certain things really happen, or is your life really how you think it is? I’ve had those moments before, but it was usually right before I wake up. And I hope that this is just one of those moments.

 

            As usual, I woke to really loud noises, though this time they were accompanied by the shaking ground. Odd, my soft-as-lamb bed is as hard as my heart today. Ugh, what the hell. I sprang to a sitting position, a bit disoriented. I was bathed in mild sunlight and the wind was whistling. Oh, I’m outside.

            “Huh? What the hell??” I yelled as the reality of this moment sunk in. I noticed that I’m sitting on the ground, wearing my pj’s and surrounded by – what are those, houses? Hold on, these are certainly not the kind of houses you’ll see in my city. Just where in the world am I?  
             
            As I thought about every possible reasons – I was kidnapped in my sleep and the kidnappers just left me in the middle of nowhere, or maybe I sleepwalked from my bed to the middle of no-effing-where – another round of the loud noise and mini earthquake literally shook me from my thoughts. Snapping my eyes around, I spotted my big ass suitcase – which I only ever use when I’m going to my grandparents – and approached it.

            “How on earth? It’s pretty heavy,” I tried opening my case, and guess what? “My clothes. Well of course. Damnit.” I don’t know if I should be pissed, confused or scared. Honestly though, I think I’m all of it at once. This is like one hell of a drunken escapade, without the headache. As I busied myself with my battered, big suitcase, a huge shadow loomed over me as the terrible noise nearest me stopped.

            Looking at the source of the shadow I almost peed my pj’s. “What the freak?” I muttered. Obviously, my vocabulary was limited to only phrases that ungrateful and bratty millennials like me were doomed to say. Anyways, what I saw before me is clearly something straight out of a nightmare. It was, I’d say, a giant. Though it wasn’t a Jack and the beanstalk kind of a giant. It was really ugly, and naked. But I can’t tell if it’s a dude giant or not, and I honestly don’t wanna know. I’d say it’s around two stories high. What’s the measurement for that, 5 or 6 meters?

            Hold on, what the hell am I doing converting its height? In moments like this, the best thing to do is to run, no matter how strong the urge to soil my pants is. I grabbed my suitcase and pulled it to the direction opposite the giant, wishing and praying to all deities that would listen for it to not follow me. But I guess they were all deaf. As soon as I turned to make a run for it, I felt more than heard its hand move after me. By golly it’s gonna squash me!

            I closed my eyes, still running and at the same time waiting for the hit which thankfully didn’t reach me. It hit the ground instead, and being the idiot ass that I am, I turned around to look at the ugly thing. Right in front of my face was its hand, severed from its arms. I would have barfed all over the place if I didn’t remember I was barefooted. I just realized that the giant was making new noises – screams of agony and then it gurgled on its blood. It soon fell beside it’s hand.

            “Who are you?” A very manly voice asked, and it’s not the giant. I looked around a saw a man with golden hair and eyebrows that rivals Oscar the Grouch’s. For a moment, his face could be the literal description of what surprised meant, but it gradually became a blank slate. He slowly approached me, confident yet at the same time cautious. “I … I’m, ugh…”

            He was now three steps away from me, and from here, I can tell that he’s muscular, and it’s so obvious that he’s tall. Though, he’s not a giant. He is as human as I am, and on closer inspection, he was actually wearing some kind of military uniform. Now that’s yet another reason for me to feel intimidated by him. I barely even reach his shoulders!

            “I said, who are you?” He repeated. “I’m Andi Frost.” I told him. And no, that is not my name. In moments like this, you either give a fake id or a fake name. “Andi Frost, what are you doing outside the walls?”

            Okay, first off I wanted to ask him where in the world we are. Second, I wanna know what the hell that giant thingy was, and lastly I want him to tell me what and where this “walls” that he’s talking about is. I sure as hell am seeing walls around us, but I highly doubt this is what he meant. Despite these rather intelligent questions in my head, all I managed to utter was, “whatsyarneym?”

            Oh gawd, I wish the ground would just split up and swallow me up right now. I feel my cheeks heat up and I imagine I’m blushing like a tomato now. And boy, a smile was playing on his lips, and his eyes displayed amusement despite the situation. Asshole. I then managed to form a coherent sentence, “uh, I don’t really know this “walls” that you’re talking about. And if you don’t mind, could you tell me why there is a freaking giant here and where is here?” I said so fast I barely took a breath.

            Before he could answer though, a loud scream echoed drawing our attention. I’m guessing it’s another one of this giant thingy. I looked at the man, expecting … hmm, I don’t know. Tell me to run? But then he spoke up, “unfortunately Miss Frost, this isn’t the best place to talk.” With that, he whisked me to where his white horse was, making me ride behind him with my ugly suitcase dragging behind. And so, my new life begins.


	2. A Scene Straight from Final Destination

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place 2 years before the beginning of the series (Fall of Shiganshina), so this expedition is totally outside the walls. Wall Maria is still a territory of humans. This was also before Levi was recruited.

This is one hell of a horse ride. I am a breath's away from this stranger, and without anywhere else to hold on, I'm forced to cling on his waist for dear life. My anxiety level is shooting up, too. I'm in my unicorn-patterned pajamas, barefooted and on a horse with a stranger in a strange land. Oh! And with my suitcase dragging behind – forcing the horse to tread a bit slowly – we kind of weren't making much progress.

And before you point and scream "stranger danger!", I am aware. But seriously, I'm in who-knows-where, and there was a freaking giant, and so far I saw not a single soul aside from the man on the horse with me. This reminds me, I don't even know his name.

"What's your name?" I practically screamed to the direction of his ears. Trying his best to look at me, he said "Erwin Smith". So he's technically no longer a stranger now. "Where are we going?" I asked him, to which he simply answered "to see the commander." Ok.

As we move, I started to hear more noises. It wasn't just inhuman sounds too. There were screams of pure pain and horror made by humans. I know because I watch a lot of slasher flicks. Unfortunately, that didn't prepare me for the real thing. Turns out those screams weren't only from pain, but death throes. Body parts was strewn everywhere – bodiless heads, armless torsos (note how I only said torsos), and in totally disturbing positions. I threw up for real this time.

Erwin stopped his white steed and I felt him tense up. And it wasn't because I was being gross right behind him. I'll have you know; I happen to throw up to the side – which caused almost all the vomit to land on my suitcase. Yuck. Let me say that again, yuck. After forgiving myself for totally ruining probably all of my clothes inside the suitcase, I finally took a good look around me. Past all the blood and gore, I can see people, flying?

No, it's impossible. But what do I know? These people are flying around several other giants, wielding two blades each. This is simply the craziest thing I've ever seen, aside from when my hamster ate her baby. Oh my gosh. That freaking giant just ate someone just like how my hamster ate her baby!

"Goodness, what kind of fresh hell is this?!" I screamed. Totally uncool, but if you were me, you would have peed – no, pooped! – your pants five minutes ago. It's that bad.

"There are too many titans here. Andi Frost, do you know how to ride a horse?" Erwin asked me. Again, a whole lot of fresh and new questions popped into my head, but I opted to answer his question first. "A bit." I did some horseback riding, but how hard can it be? "Alright, stay here for now. If a titan comes after you, run away but not so far away. And wear this." He ended up giving me his green ugly coat, which happens to be part of their uniform. I did as I was told. Erwin then joined the other people who were "flying". Which they really weren't. They were just zipping around using grappling hooks and wires, connected to those bulky and ugly things by their thighs.

I noticed how everyone seems to aim for the giant's nape. Being in the middle of all this, I kind of forgot that I am in trouble and at great risk. I should have been alert, but I was just too immersed in watching everything in front of me that I didn't notice a giant almost crushed me. Good thing this horse was smart. He sped off, away from this human-eating giants. And remember when I was so confident that horse-riding isn't that hard? That's something I totally regret. I know nothing about driving a horse! In the horse's haste, the rope tied to my vomit-ridden suitcase snapped! Just great! Now I'm stuck here, in my unicorn pj's with an ugly green cape. Wonderful.

I tried to stop the horse, and after saying "ho" a hundred times, and cursing for the first time in my life, it finally stopped. "Damn you horsy. You made me say the F word!" And yes, I've never said that word before, so as the S word and B word. Before you judge me, I'm no religious or moral nut. It's just how I am. And I'm not a kid either. I'm already twenty years old. Anyways, I got the horse to turn around to face where we came from. You can't imagine how relieved I was when I saw no giant behind us. But I now noticed the horrible situation of the people I left there. There is about 7 of those giants there, some are small – only two and three stories tall. While the rest were as tall as skyscrapers!

And I just noticed that those buildings – which I thought were houses – were just a bunch of walls and rocks. And when I say walls, they are 10 feet-tall walls that are totally not connected to anything. They're not even ruins, they are just stupid and pointless walls. Soon after, those giants dropped like flies. Wait, no. They weren't like flies. They shook the ground every time they dropped. When I deemed that it was pretty safe, I directed the horse to go back.

Once I got near enough, I soon found out that the smoke I saw weren't because of the giants' rampage. It was coming off of them as they "evaporate". How crazy is that? You know what else is crazy? I totally forgot that Erwin joined in the fray and is probably dead. At the thought, I actually panicked. I'm not attached to him, it's just that he's the only person I know here.

But I didn't have to worry for long, as Erwin was soon approaching me. He raised his thick eyebrow at me and began to ask me, "what happened to your suitcase?" "The cord snapped." I answered him. Our conversation was so casual and light, you wouldn't have guessed we did that surrounded by blood and random body parts. This might make it seem like I'm use to the gore, but I'm not. I am totally freaking out.

"It has all my clothes." I told him. He just looked at me and then climbed the horse. Great, now he might be thinking I'm so vain. We continued our ride to wherever he was planning to go. Without my luggage, he can finally make his horse gallop. We soon approached another group of people which are dressed just like him. Though this bunch clearly just had a run-in with those giants as most of them are injured and bloody. One of them though was clearly important. I can tell because he was barking orders.

It seemed like this person of importance is the person Erwin wants to see, so he stopped near him, climbing off the horse and telling me to get off as well. "Commander Shadis." Erwin greeted, then he pounded his chest with his right hand. "Erwin. We should …" The person whom Erwin referred to as commander began, but then he noticed me. He stopped for a full two seconds before asking Erwin, "who is she?" "It seems like someone who survives outside the wall." Erwin respectfully answered.

The commander's face was a mess. He was shocked, but I really don't understand why.

"Uhm, if you don't mind what "walls" are you talking about? And what are those giant things that ate and killed all those people? And where the hell are we?" I asked. Needless to say, this earned me weird looks of confusion, fear and surprise from the two men standing before me.


	3. Not All Titans Are From Greek Mythology

Erwin still looks like a kid who was trying to make sense of the birds and the bees. Commander Shadis on the other hand recovered a bit. He was the one who answered my questions. "Those giants are called Titans. They prey on humans and they live here, beyond the walls. To survive, us humans built the Walls which protects us from those beasts." He explained. All right. It still doesn't make much sense, but I think this is better than before.

"All right. So, you call them titans because of their size, right? They're not Titans from Greek mythology? Because I know for a fact that a certain one had a habit of eating others." As I expected (kind of), they only looked confused. They didn't even laugh at my little joke. Uh, you know, because Kronos ate his children? Okay, so you're not laughing too. Well sorry, I'm a Greek myth geek!

"You really don't know?" Erwin asked. Seriously, is it really farfetched for someone to not know about these titans? But so far, I can tell that for this men's world, that is hella impossible. Hmmm, world? What the fuck? Could this be? Is it even possible?

I guess the look of total confusion on my face answered Erwin's question, which prompted him to ask another one. "Where are you from? And how did you get here?" Okay, so those are two questions, but that's beside the point.

"San Diego. And I literally woke up here." And nope, that's not really where I'm from. Honestly, I gave them a fake name, don't expect me to give them a single fact about myself. Now it's their turn to give confused looks. I was kind of expecting it to be this way, but this is still … well, sad.

The truth of my situation dawned on the three of us right there and then. The men exchanged a look of, understanding? "Where ever you're from, Andi Frost, is a place without titans. Am I right?" Inquired the Commander, to which I answered honestly. "Yes. There is nothing supernatural in my world. As far as I know. But, yeah. Giants or Titans, or whatever that is does not exist from where I'm from."

After that, Erwin excused himself. "I'm afraid we'd have to take you with us. Maybe your origin holds answers to this nightmare of ours." Commander Shadis told me. Honestly, I would have asked them to take me inside the "walls" that they've been talking about. There is just no way that I'd survive out here with the Titans.

Erwin then came back with a brown bag. "Here. You better change to this. That horned horse on your clothes will catch everyone's attention. It won't be good if that happen." "Horned horse? It's a unicorn." I pouted, to which Erwin gave me a bewildered smile. Methinks he found me entertaining.

Turns out, the clothes that Erwin gave me were a set of uniform, just like his. I have no choice but to wear it, as well as the knee-high boots. This makes me wonder if they always bring extra sets of uniform, or if Erwin took this from a body. On second thought, I'd rather not know and elected to just stop thinking about it. After changing (in the middle of some trees. I hate this place.), Erwin approached me, "this, is just a precaution." And handcuffed me! "Seriously? Is this really necessary?" I asked, but being cooperative all the way. Last thing I need is to seem hostile. But being handcuffed is annoying and scary, this definitely won't be a fetish of mine.

The ugly, green cape was able to cover my cuffed hands. And since I can't use my hands, I had to ride with Erwin back to the Walls. I sat in front of him, caged by his arms as he held on the reins. I am getting the feeling that he and Shadis think I'm somehow dangerous. I better be careful if I want to stay alive. Anyways, you might wonder how on earth am I calm and still sane after concluding that I am magically in some other world? First off, I am not calm. I am a jumble of emotions and confusion is winning, fear coming in second. But I still have the hope that this might just be a dream. Now if it's any of these possibilities, or even if I'm being pranked, what better way to deal with it than just going along?

It might be hard to swallow, but this is what's happening to me right now. Freaking out won't help me at all. Especially here in the habitat of those oversized-naked things. I'll have time to freak out later – I hope.

"Does this mean you're taking me back as a prisoner?" I asked my personal guard, Erwin. I could feel him breathing behind me. He's that close! If he wasn't holding on to the reins, it feels like he's kind of hugging me, and I can't help but blush. Good thing my hood was up, and there is no way for Erwin to see me. "It depends on how you'll act and answer our questions later." "I thought you interrogated me already." He laughed softly. And no, it wasn't a sweet laugh, at least to my ears it was pretty condescending.

The journey back was action packed. We run into a few more titans, and more soldiers became Titan food. It was gross and scary. And those two words doesn't really give justice to the event. And there is no way you'd get used to it.

"Wow! I didn't imagine the "walls" you keep on talking about to be this huge!" Exclaimed little amused me. We are still far from the walls, but I can already see how huge it is. Now I'm getting a clearer idea. It's like this "walled city" is a whole country. Somehow like Troy (Another Greek mythology reference).

"It's 50 meters high. And there are three main walls. That one you're seeing – the outer wall – is called Wall Maria. The next one is Wall Rose. The last and inner wall is Wall Sina." My tour guide Erwin explained.

"That's amazing! How did you build it?" Ever since I saw Mulan, the Great Wall of China has always amazed me. It was built by hand and simple tools, but it still stands. And these walls definitely caught my attention. "We didn't. Our ancestors built it 100 years ago." "Okay, a hundred years ago, but how did they do it? And how many people were there? And how long did it take them?"

Erwin took a deep breath before answering my barrage of questions. "We don't know. History of our land has always been unclear, especially those of the walls." "Oh." Well that's disappointing. But the gears in my head just won't stop running.

By the time we actually reached the walls, I had formed several theories on how the people were able to build the walls. And it goes from "millions of slaves" to "probably magic." And boy, I think even the biggest Titan I saw today would feel puny standing beside this big ass walls. On a closer inspection, the wall doesn't seem to be a perfect circle, because we're entering a gate of a circular wall that juts out from the bigger wall.

Inside the wall was a regular village. Old school village, really. I'd expected it to be something like a military base, where everyone learns how to kill titans once they turned 10. But no, it was more like a medieval-ish festival. And the people weren't friendly at all. They welcomed us with screams of disappointment. I couldn't care less so I just tried my best to tune them out.

A couple more hours and we're finally at what I assume is the base. It was really basic. No tanks or warplanes. It actually looks more like a castle, really. And right after getting off the horse, Erwin practically dragged me off to who knows where. "Hey! Take it easy, I have way shorter legs than yours.

He turned to me and gave me an apologetic look, "sorry. But it's better if no one sees you. I expect the Commander will go straight there." "Hold on, Erwin. Are you two going to kill? What the hell, man?" "No!" He yelled, making the other soldiers around us look and turn their heads. Nice job, eyebrows. Clearing his throat, he continued walking and dragging me.

If you're wondering, did I believe him when he said he won't kill me? Well, yes. I know it's crazy, but this day is full of craziness that I just seem to believe whatever and whomever. If I try to logically think about the possibility of everything that's happening, I would go crazy!

We soon reached our destination, and judging by the exterior, we are actually heading to some kind of office. Good thing I was right. Inside the room was a big desk with stack of papers, a couple of chairs and a couch. It was just a basic office. And there were no electronics everywhere.

Erwin guided me to seat in front of the desk, he took the seat across me. Then I guess we wait for the Commander. Erwin smiled at me. It was just an innocent and sincere smile.

"Please don't be scared. We just need to ask you more questions." He said, breaking the silence.

"I won't be scared if you let my hands loose."

"That, I can't do. For all we know, you might be a threat."

"Fair enough. But that still means you might kill me." Before he could answer though, the door opened and in comes Commander Shadis. He looked so gloomy, which is understandable as we just came back from a massacre.

When Shadis entered, Erwin stood and pounded his chest with his right hand. I'm guessing that's their salute?

Sitting on his big chair, Shadis ask me the question I've been dreading to hear. "Miss Andi Frost, I will go straight to the point. Are you a friend or a foe?"


	4. Too Bad I Wasn't a Fan

“Seriously? You’re asking me that now?” Okay, so I said that my best choice was to be cooperative and to never be hostile. Well, I’ve never been good at making smart choices. Thankfully, both Erwin and Shadis remained calm.

“Judging by your questions earlier, I’d say it is impossible that you were living right where we found you. You didn’t know what Titans are, you are unaware of the walls and your outfit was quite peculiar.” It seems like Erwin isn’t just an eye candy, he’s pretty smart, too.

And what do I say to smart guys? “No shit, Sherlock.” I answered purely free from sarcasm. It was more of an instinct now, really. 

Erwin chose to ignore my little comment and continued, “there is still the possibility that you weren’t truthful. If that were the case, you would be someone really strong and wise to be able to survive among titans.”

“Yeah, well thing is I really am not from here. I literally don’t know why and how; I’m even hoping that I’m just dreaming. I’m … scared.” I admitted, my voice quivering. Oh no, the weight of all this is finally crashing in. 

Tears soon fell from my eyes. I can’t help it. I’m lost, I’m surrounded by strangers and strange things, and I am handcuffed in an office of a high-ranking military man. I tried my best to cry quietly, but a sob escaped.

Pathetic. I have to get a grip. I, … “huh?” A hand tore me from my thoughts; a hand that wiped my tears. Looking up, it was the man seated in front of me. The men exchanged another look of understanding, then Erwin freed my hands.   
“We believe you, for now.” He told me. I’ll take that. I still don’t trust myself enough to open my mouth, so I just nodded instead. Last thing I need is to completely breakdown. Breathing deeply, I successfully calmed myself. 

“Erwin, I’d like to talk to her a little more. Privately.” 

Saluting, Erwin complied with the Commander’s request, but before closing the door he took a long look at me. My eyes lingered on the closed door until the Commander cleared his throat.

“You know Miss Frost; you are not the first person found beyond the walls.”

“What? You mean you come across many people? Have you seen anyone who is strangely dressed like me? Or said they were from somewhere that you don’t have any idea where? Just like me?”

It was a rush, I feel excited. I hope there is someone like me, I surely need someone who knows the Beetles and Elvis right now. Being here has made me feel like a Martian, so far.

“I’m afraid not. There was only one person, and he was suffering from memory loss. As for his clothes, it was pretty much like the clothes we have. I’m telling you this because there might be a chance that you know this man.”

“It is possible. I hope he is someone I know.”

“His name is Grisha Yeager. Do you know him?”

“No. I don’t know anyone called that. But he lost his memories, right? Maybe that’s not his name. If I could see him, I can tell for sure.”

“That makes sense. Well, I guess we should also talk about where you will stay.”

Oh boy. This is it. Are they going to lock me up? 

I guess my fear was evident on my face, because Shadis comforted me. “I’m going to take a risk and trust you. You’re not a prisoner, however we can’t let you live among the civilians. You don’t have any papers, and if the government learns about you, your future will be very bleak.” 

“You’ll be staying with us – The Survey Corps. That way, we can keep an eye on you.”

I didn’t realize I was even holding my breath until now that I let go of a sigh of relief. 

“Survey Corps?” 

“We’re a branch of the Military that ventures outside the walls.” That’s a very concise explanation. I’m guessing Commander Keith Shadis is always straight to the point. 

“Okay, so I’ll be living here in your base?”

“Yes. But you must not tell anyone of your origin. Only me and Erwin knows so far, and let’s keep it that way.” He told me in a tone so serious it made me feel like he was lecturing me. 

 

Anyhow, I vowed to never reveal my origin. 

My new background story? I’m from the Northern part of the walls, and my parents apparently died. They also happen to be close friends with the commander, so now he is my official guardian.

The days went by slowly, especially when there is no internet. Apparently, this world is medieval. Even though I keep on referring to this place as a whole other world, I’m still not sure I completely believe that. But if you’re the one experiencing this, you’ll learn to just shut off that part of your mind and just live your life in peace.  
Commander Shadis – or uncle Keith now – gave me a room in the wing were the high-ranking officers stay. And it just so happened that my room is between his and Erwin’s. I still am under their radar.

For the first couple of days, I’ve been hoping that I would wake up in my room. Instead, I wake up in a room so bare it put minimalists to shame. The only furniture I have are the ones already in it – a sad-looking, wooden bedframe with a plain white mattress, a drawer and a cabinet. Oh, a single nightstand, too. The bedsheets and pillows were like hospital issued – they’re plain white. 

It was tough, having to live by candle light. And it can get too hot without an AC. Electricity is like bigfoot here – it simply doesn’t exist. I was thankful though because they at least have indoor plumbing. There was no shower, however. It was big ass pumps and you have to use basins and buckets. 

And my clothes! Oh my goodness, all they gave me was a couple of dresses which is an ugly shade of pink, mustard yellow and green. All colors that I hate. And the dresses’ style kinds of reminds me of the kind of dresses that milkmaids wear – you know, long sleeves, corsets and long plain skirts. At least that’s what they wear in the shows and cartoons that I’ve seen. 

Hmm, shows. I bet what’s happening to me will make for a great show. 

Trapped in a foreign land – a different world, even! Saved by a prince charming on a white horse from a man-eating titan. Well, not a prince per se.   
Hmm, titan … I can’t help but think like I’m missing something.

Titans, … titans … I’m sure it’s not only used by Homer. Where else did I hear titans. Titans that attacks people. Attack? 

OH. MY. GOD.

It’s that movie. And anime. And manga. Attack on Titan! Damnit. It’s about soldiers and walls and titans, right? Crap!!!! I’ve never seen a single damn episode!!! All craziness aside, I think I’m inside that world. The one anime that I didn’t get around to see yet. Perfect. 

But I always believed and followed the words “Don’t cry over spilled milk”, and so I just brushed off my realization. It’s not gonna help me. Call me a loser, but I honestly don’t know a lick about the anime attack on titan. I just have to tread blindly in this world, hoping I won’t die. 

And hope I did.


	5. The Ancient People of the Walls Might Have Been Pokemon Masters

Living in a military base is unexpectedly boring. I was looking forward to a lot of action and drama, but as it turns out all I get to see is a grumpy commander doing paper work. Apparently, they only go out on an expedition every other month.

Oh, and the realization that I’m in a “fictional” world of an anime isn’t much help. So I decided to just go with the flow. I’d rather live my life than to constantly worry if I’ll ever get back. I mean, I want to go back of course but dwelling on it will just hold me back.

Anyways, I spent the past week with the two people who really know me. With “uncle” Keith, I am forced to help with his paper work. It was almost all letters to the family of the casualties. I can now forge his signatures perfectly, and he doesn’t mind one bit. Nice. Then when I’m with Erwin, he let me just sit in his office to read. He is also busy with paper work.

Who would’ve thought soldiers do a lot of paper work? Certainly not me.

Anyhow, I love spending time with Erwin. He doesn’t force me to help, unlike Keith, and he gives me snacks. And if you’re wondering why I’m always inside, it’s not because they’re keeping me in like a prisoner. It’s my own choice.

I decided that if I’m gonna keep my background a secret, I should brush up my knowledge about this world. So the books that I read are all about their history and way of life.

I found out that this walled city is like a country, although for the residents it’s their whole world. Not a single one has ever seen the sea or even a beach. I’d say it’s sad, but then I remembered that there are people like that back home. We might not have literal walls, but there are invisible walls all around.

Speaking of walls, all the books that I’ve read gave me the same vague history about humans building the walls, as they run away from titans. It honestly doesn’t make any sense.

I’m reading yet another history book. And it’s not helpful. All of the books contain almost the same information. It’s like their government told them exactly what they can and can’t write. As I read on the couch, Erwin sat unmoving, save for his hand which is furiously scribbling.

It’s calming. There is no other noise aside from our breathing, the sound of paper as I turn a page, and Erwin’s rough strokes on the paper. Even though I’ve only known him for days and spoken to him a couple of times, I can say that I feel comfortable around Erwin.

“You’ve had your brows furrowed since you started reading. If that book upsets you, I could get you another one.” Erwin said kindly, breaking our comfortable silence.

Shrugging my shoulders, I answered “it’s alright. It just confuses me.”

Setting his pen down and pushing the stack of papers to the side, he looked at me expectantly. So I walked over to his desk and sat on one of the chairs in front of it.

“All this about how the walls were built is just giving me more questions than answers.”

“What confuses you, Andi?”

“Well, it says that titans just showed up, right?”

He nodded, encouraging me to go on.

“And the humans fled their lands because they were being eaten. Eventually they found a refuge and that is this walled city. So, if I understand correctly, the walls were already built and they just so happen to stumble upon it?”

“It would appear so. It’s what it says there.”

“For real? Because if that were true, I can’t help but think like these titan attacks were expected. Like, the people who first created the wall knows all along that some kind of monster were going to appear. Because this is too much if it was only to protect themselves against humans.”

I can’t help but notice Erwin’s eyes. It shifted, he really seems interested, huh?

“It’s plausible. What about the other version, wherein the refugees were the ones to build the wall? What can you say about that?”

“Impossible.”

“How so?”

“Well, back home we have tools, machines, and vehicles especially designed for construction and even with those constructions take months. As far as I can tell, there is no such technology here (there is hardly any, besides probably the printing press) so building the walls would be harder and would’ve taken longer. So if there were titans, shouldn’t the people have gone extinct before they even finish?”

“That’s a very good point. So which one of those seems more plausible for you?”

He asked, leaning a little too close to me.

“I actually have my own theory.” I said, confidently. Crossing my arms, I leaned forward until we were nose to nose.

“This is as crazy as can be.”

“Tell me.”

“The people used Titans.”

In a split second, Erwin’s blue eyes seemed two shades darker. His thick brows furrowed, seemingly in deep thought Erwin leaned back.

“Hey! It’s just a theory. I mean, is it really impossible that not one titan was ever domesticated? Back where I came from, even the fiercest of man-eating animals can be trained. And those walls just seem so impossible to be built by human hands, unless there were hundreds of millions of people working all at the same time, probably.”

But what I really had in mind was a pokemon type of life. Like how a trainer could command Machop or Mewtwo, even, to build the walls for him.

Laugh if you want. I can’t help but think that humans are responsible for creating titans. I could be wrong, but they just scream science experiment gone wrong.

“You know Andi, even the origin of the Titans is vague. Ever since I was a child, we were taught these same things that you are reading now. Nothing has ever been clear, except that it is safe within the walls. We don’t even know why titans eat people. They have been living outside the walls, without any humans yet they survive. Thus proves that they don’t need to eat humans for nutrition.”

I was speechless. Titans eat humans just because they want to, not because they have to. That’s sick.

 

 

“What do you know about titans, Erwin?”

“We know that their weakness is their nape. And that they don’t really need to eat humans. That’s pretty much it.”

“Wow. That’s too little information. Have you ever captured one?”

“No. It is far too dangerous. And it’s not exactly easy to travel with a titan.”

“Fair enough.”

And just like that, we were back to our comfortable silence. Erwin gave me a smile before he went back to his stack of papers. I stayed on the chair with the book on my lap. Looking out the window, I can see the top of the wall which doesn’t look too big.

Outside, the rank and file soldiers are training again. You gotta say, these people have guts. They venture to the unknown, one foot inside their grave, yet they never falter. Apparently, only the Survey Corps knows how titans look like.

In the hundred years of the walls’ existence, the titans have never managed to break through. So for the younger generation, they’re as good as legends. And we all hope it stays that way.

“Does it bother you? The sounds of the people below?” Erwin inquired.

“No.” Looking at him directly, I satisfied yet another curiosity of mine.

“Are you scared, Erwin? Of the titans, I mean.” I think you know by now that I can really be an idiot.

“Yes, I am. But I’m more afraid of the fate of humans if we never make any progress beyond the walls.”

I couldn’t help but smile and admire him. He might just have a way with words, but I can feel the weight of it. He really does care about the fate of humanity.

After burying my nose in books for days, I feel quite confident that I won’t slip up and expose who I really am. So I decided to socialize. It’s perfect as it is almost lunch time. I mostly eat with Erwin in his office, but maybe we could go to the common hall today.

Tidying up his desk, Erwin stood to grab our lunches. Imagine his surprise when I followed him to the door. Raising his brow at me, I just shrugged and told him, “what? Let’s go downstairs. I’m starving.”

“Okay.” He said with a smile.

The walk was uneventful, and we spent the time talking about the most random things. But as we got nearer, the voices got louder. No, they weren’t screaming. It was just like any cafeteria or fast food in the world. I can’t help it, I’m nervous. It’s like I’m a new girl at school.

We entered and thank goodness, no one is paying attention to us. But I spoke too soon. A bespectacled woman saw me and yelled, “Ha! Erwin! Is that the commander’s niece with you?”

Niece? Everyone on her table turned to look at me, and soon every eyes in that room was on me. I can’t help but flush at the attention, and thank the gods Erwin is much bigger than me. I hid behind him.

Erwin, being the true friend that he is just laughed at me. “Uncle” Keith then answered the woman’s question, “that’s Andi. My friend’s daughter. She’s like a niece to me.” Wow, he’s a good liar. The woman that asked stood up and approached me, she must have seen my embarrassingly horrified face because she was laughing.

Once she recovered from her fit of laughter, she motioned to shake my hand and introduced herself, “I’m Hange Zoe. I’m in Erwin’s squad. Nice to meet you, Andi!” All I did was limply shake her hand, feebly smile and whispered “nice to meet you, too.”

Soon, people started approaching me and introduced themselves. God, they’re a friendly bunch. Too bad I can’t remember most of their names. But some left hard-to-forget impressions, like Mike Zacharius. The creeper sniffed me!

It was an exciting blur, however. These people are fun to be with. Me and Erwin ended up sitting with his squad.

It amazes me how happy these people – soldiers – can be. Just a few days ago, they were in hell where their comrades are dying left and right. Yet life still goes on.

After lunch, I ended up sticking to Hange. I can’t help but notice Erwin’s worried look when he said goodbye. Anyhow, Hange turned out to be completely obsessed about titans!

            When I told her about capturing titans, she laughed maniacally and her eyes looked so wild, I almost ran for my life.

            “You’re the commander’s niece! You can ask him for permission! We should capture a titan.”

            “Again, I’m not his niece, I’m just like his niece. Ugh. Whatever. And yes, I’ll try. I’d love to know more about those monsters.”

            The rest of our afternoon was spent on me watching Hange spar. She might be clumsy, but she is skilled. I can’t help but enjoy as I watch the soldiers practice. Some are in the wooded area, using their 3DM gear, others are exercising and running around, while the rest like Hange are sparring.

            It was almost sunset when I returned to my room. Laying on my bed, my mind wandered.

I remember reading The Hobbit and feeling really jealous of Bilbo Baggins. A wonderful adventure was handed to him – an adventure with magic, breath taking places, and daring swordfights.

I remember reading The Hunger Games and thinking that I’d make a better victor than Katniss Everdeen. And now that I’m here, in a world with swords and giants and no iphones, will I just sit back here in the base while the soldiers explore the outside world?

No freaking way. So I stood up and jogged to Erwin’s room. Good thing he was already there.

“Andi. Seems like you enjoyed spending time with Hange and the others?”

“Yes, I did. And uhm, I have something to ask of you.” I said whilst biting my lip.

“Go on.” Erwin promptly answered, his face becoming serious.

Taking a deep breath, I asked Erwin a favor which I pray I’ll never regret, “Erwin, will you teach me how to fight? I want to join the Survey Corps.”


	6. A Day In My New Life

 

Note to self: think twice before enlisting for the military. Mulan sure made it seem easy. With just one round of “Make a Man Out of You”, they’re all experts at hand on hand combat and at firing missiles.

Me? I’m a heap on the floor, with my body aching all over.

My chest moves up and down rapidly as I try my best to catch my breath. A gentle laugh rang in the room; it was almost musical. Then a hand reached out to me.

“Come now, just one more round and we’ll call it a day.” My teacher Erwin said, urging me to grab his hand.

“No... hah, … Can’t we … ahh … take … a break? Hah” Impossible. I can hardly lift my head, let alone the rest of my body. Erwin then laid down beside me, both of us staring at the smog free sky.

As I lay there catching my breath, I can’t help but remember the look on Erwin’s face when I told him I wanted to join the Survey Corps.

His eyes were like saucers, and you don’t need to be a master of observation to say that he was surprised out of his mind.

I really don’t know if I should take it as a complement or as an insult.

Anyhow, once he recovered from his state of surprise, he gave me his answer: “No.”

 “What do you mean no?” I practically yelled at him. Seriously, my voice was so high-pitched it rivals Bernadette’s voice from the Big Bang Theory.

“It’s far too dangerous! You saw how it is outside the walls, you were in the middle of it all!”

For a moment there I just stared at him with my mouth hanging agape. I gotta say, hearing Erwin scream at me is scary. I felt like I’ve done something terrible and I sure am going to pay for it bigtime.

Also, I’m taken aback by his intensity. Like, what is your problem, Erwin? Is he that concerned about me?

Composing himself, he spoke again. He was still obviously on edge, but he did his best to keep his tone in check. It was painfully obvious.

“There is a high number of casualty every expedition, and most of them are new recruits. New soldiers who spent the last three years training.”

With a sharp, intake of breath I finally found my voice, “alright. I understand, but that’s why I want you to teach me. Come on, if you think I’m not ready then don’t let me out the wall. Please?” And I gave him the best puppy eyes I could muster.

 

A poke on my cheek tore me from my thoughts.

“What are you smiling about?” Inquired Erwin, a playful grin on his mouth.

“I was smiling? I can hardly breathe; I doubt I was smiling.” I said. Clearly, my argument is weak as I can breathe perfectly fine now. Apparently, my little flashback was a good five minutes.

Erwin just looked at me, the bastard doesn’t believe me. Ugh.

Yielding, I told him the truth, “I was thinking about how I convinced you to train me. You looked so funny with your eyes all big and round.”

He laughed at that. “Well, it was the last thing I thought I’d ever hear from you.” Turning his body sideways to look at me, he went on, “You just doesn’t seem like someone who’d hurt a fly.”

Mimicking his move, I looked him straight in the eye and told him in the most serious tone I could, “you thought wrong.” I also threw in the most wicked smile I can do.

We soon forgot to resume training and spent the rest of our time talking. We mostly talked about my world as Erwin is tight lipped about his childhood.

So I spun some crazy, wonderful world for him based on Pokémon and Game of Thrones. The thing about Pokémon masters and their trustworthy partners catches his attention. I think we’re both thinking about controlling titans.

“I’ve been a soldier for almost two decades, and I’ve never seen a single titan that can be domesticated.” Bingo. He is thinking about it, too.

“Yeah, well that would just be crazy.”

And our topic went to the most random things, like food, animals, fish and plants that can be found within the walls. It was very limited – they don’t even know monkeys. It took me ten minutes just to describe monkeys. Who would’ve thought it’d be hard to convey? It’s like trying to describe a fucking color.

The sunset alerted us that we wasted yet another day on idle chatter. Honestly, we train for like, three hours a day. In between Erwin’s busy schedule and my motor-mouth, we can’t get much done.

The grass crunched as Erwin stood up, he then offered his hand and helped me stand.

By this time, almost every other officer is in the mess hall. I’ve been here for a while and I’m glad to say that I’ve made friends.

“Andi!” Hange squealed when she saw me enter. This woman’s so noisy! She literally grabbed me violently away from Erwin, and dragged me to “our” table. Turns out she just finished crafting a net for catching a titan.

Erwin soon arrived and can’t do anything aside from sighing and shaking his head in exasperation. He knows he can’t win against Hange when it comes to handling me.

You might have guessed that Hange can be really rough. I don’t really mind, but there are times she leaves bruises. I don’t really know if this crazy bitch loves me or hates me. But I guess it’s just that she’s excited like all the freaking time.

Erwin, on the other hand treats me like I’m breakable. To be honest, it makes me feel nice. But most of the time it’s disappointing to be thought of as someone weak. I think I get where feminists are coming from. But that’s neither here nor there.

The only person who acts pretty much normally around me is Nanaba, whom I thought was a really cute guy at first. And let me just say that the first few days between us was awkward. Don’t ask why, I feel embarrassment all over again.

Anyways, Hange was still blabbering about god-knows-what as we eat. I assume it’s the usual titan crap. Honestly, after the initial excitement, I soon got tired of hearing about it. I was so successful in tuning her out that I didn’t realize someone else was talking, and was talking to me.

“Damn Erwin, you broke Andi!” My dear friend Nanaba complained. Apparently, she’s been talking for a while.

“What?” I asked to no one in particular. I can feel my cheeks heat up as I become flustered about this.

“I was asking if you’d like to spar some time. You’ve been training for a month now, and by Erwin at that. I’m sure you’ll do fine against me.” Nanaba answered. Her face was so freaking serious I can’t help but just swallow some nonexistent saliva, as my throat was suddenly dry.

I’m nervous, of course! I’ve only been training for almost a month, and only on basic hand on hand combat. Nanaba, on the other hand has been a soldier for a couple of years, and has spent three years before that training.

I guess my fear was apparent – I don’t know which gave me away; my skin probably turning a sickly green, extreme goosebumps you’ll think I have to poop, or my hand shaking – that Mike, the equivalent of a bomb-sniffing dog spoke up, “you’re scaring her Nanaba. Turn that evilness in your eyes down a notch.”

Good thing it was him that spoke. Nanaba tends to listen more to him, I’ll make sure to remember that so I could tease her. And boy, I’ll take pleasure in her flustered face.

 I was just starting to recover from anxiety when Erwin spoke up, “I wouldn’t be so confident if I were you, Nanaba.” And with that, a cocky smile played on his lips. Unexpectedly, Mike was the one who answered him.

“Really now, Erwin? Nanaba can do jabs in her sleep.”

“Wonderful. Andi here can render a man unconscious with her powerful roundhouse kick. I’m not sure if a mere jab would be effective against that.”

“Oh, that’d be difficult. But it wouldn’t be a problem if the kick didn’t hit in the first place.”

Oh my god. I guess wherever you are, boys will be boys. The rest of us watched in awe as this goes on back and forth between them. Me and Nanaba had the same face, a mix of surprise and annoyance.

Damn Erwin haven’t even taught me the kicks. All he did was make me punch a bag and work on my foot work, we’ll lay down trying to breathe that’s only me, though), talk, then call it a day.

I haven’t even learned how to operate that zip line thingy they call a 3DM gear.

Dinner time ended with Erwin and Mike passive-aggressively “attacking” each other. I honestly can’t tell if those were friendly jabs or not, but I seriously couldn’t care less because I am going to have a duel with Nanaba a week from now!

Hange, being the asshole that she is decided to make the event “fun” and have bets. And this only hyped up the boys, like they’re the ones fighting.

The walk back to my room was silent. I can’t deny that I’m both pissed and anxious about the events, and when I’m like this I really don’t want to talk. Good thing Erwin was silent as well. As we reached our rooms and I opened my door, Erwin broke the silence.

“We’ll begin training tomorrow at five in the morning.” His face was so serious you’d think he was outside the walls facing off one on one with a titan.

All I did was mutter a weak “ok.” He then ruffled my hair and went off to who-knows-where. I guess he’ll be making a special training regimen for me, his room is right next to mine! I gulped and made a silent wish, “this better make me a fucking good soldier someday.”


	7. From Dancing in the Woods to Where I Belong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: Chapter is full of innuendos and hilariously inappropriate situations.)

 

* _thump*_ … - di! … _*thump*_

 _*thump*_ … Andi, - ake … up!

 _*thump*_  … I’m  _coming_ in!”

 

“Andi, it’s almost five. Get up now an- huh? What the?! I’m sorry. I, uh. You weren’t answering!”

“Erwin, get out!!!  **OUT!** ”

 

            That was Erwin. And that was the moment that I lost my dignity – well, sort of.  One thing I hate about myself so much is that I’m an early riser. No matter how late I sleep, I almost always wake up at four in the morning. It’s not every day, but it does happen most of the time and today is one of those days.

            Since I was supposed to start training at five, I started prepping the moment I woke up. I spent time mostly on just praying I won’t die, or at least break a bone. And since I got a room with a private bath, I spent the next half hour soaking and washing away my worries. And just when I got out – stark naked as I fucking forgot my towel – in comes Erwin.

            I’ve been dressed for ten minutes now yet I’m still on my bed, fully clothed and fully wrapped by a blanket. I am freaking humiliated. I want the earth to split up and swallow me whole.

            But I can’t spend the rest of my life wallowing. I mean, it was only Erwin.

            “Arrrrrrgggghhh!!!!”

            Alright, you can do this Andi. Just pretend like nothing happened.

            Gathering my strength, I finally left the security and comfort of my bed and trudged to the door.

            “Andi! I was just about to call you again. I, uhh.”

            Shit. First person I saw was Erwin, whom was about to knock on my door. The moment we locked eyes, I couldn’t help but remember his face when he saw me in my birthday suit. I guess he remembered it as well, because this might just be the first time that I ever saw Erwin flustered.

            I can feel my face heat up as my cheeks burn. This is not good. This awkwardness is killing me. Erwin cleared his throat and tried to break our awkward silence with more awkwardness.

            “I was sorry, for uhh. Earlier. I thought you were sleeping. I didn’t see anything. I mean uh,”

            “Let’s just forget about it. Please.”

            “Right. Training. Let’s go.”

            Remember how I used to say silence with Erwin has always been comfortable? I’m guessing it won’t be from now on, though I hope we’ll actually get over it. I should really stop talking about it.

            Our walk to the grounds felt like years. And despite it being really early, there are quite a number of people out. Great, more people to see the clumsy idiot that I am.

            “Erwin? Are you sure it’s a good idea for me to train with everyone? You know I trip on my own feet most of the time.”

            “We won’t be training out here. There’s a training room past the stables.”

           

            “Erwin! Andi! Where are you two off to?”

            Of all people, it was Hange who saw us. Despite my best efforts, I can’t help but blush involuntarily. Good thing mortification keep my mouth shut most of the time. Thing is, it’s not me I should be worried about.

            “Nowhere – uhh, I mean training. Yes, we’re off to the training hall.” Turns out Erwin is not as composed as he usually is.

            “Okay.” Hange said suspiciously. Her sudden silence is more unnerving than her noisiness. She didn’t say anything else, though she winked at us before running off.

            Thank you Hange, for making this more awkward.

            We continued walking in silence, and soon enough we reached the training room. It’s their version of a gym, as it turns out. Whatever workout equipment they have is in here. I wonder why it’s out here near the stables?

            As soon as we went inside, Erwin had me warm up. While I do the mandatory stretches, he briefed me on my training regimen.

            “Your strength building routine is still the same, we’ll just double your hours. And we will spar, too.”

            “What we’ve been doing all this time is strength building?” I asked whilst stretching my arms. All this time I thought he was just making me do whatever. Turns out he really was teaching me. I should really be more appreciative.

            “Okay. And about this sparring thing you mentioned, you won’t be serious at all right? I mean, you’ll go easy on me?”

            He really should. Wasn’t he the one who has been treating me like I’m breakable? But no. The asshole just laughed at me like I’m some kind of lunatic who said something stupid. Come to think of it, maybe that’s how I sounded to him just now.

            The day went on with Erwin joyfully torturing me. That was a good thing, though. With him being really hard on me and with me resenting him and planning to get him in a headlock, I forgot the events in the morning. Glad to say no awkwardness ensued in our private training time.

            But now that it’s over, I realized how high the sexual tension would’ve been if we weren’t so intent on beating each other senseless. We ended up on top of the other several times, and just thinking about it made me flush. I seriously am running out of synonyms with blush.

            I wish I could just forget and move on.

            “You’ve been awfully quiet today.” Nanaba commented. Dinnertime is noisy as usual, though I’m not joining in the fun. We’re at our usual table, except for Erwin and Mike who are with uncle Keith discussing things about the next expedition. And yes, I’m pretty much used to calling him uncle now.

            “I’m just tired. Erwin is training me really hard for that duel.”

            “Uh! You too? Mike wouldn’t get off my back today as well. He said he was trying to make sure I didn’t skip training for today.”

            “Do we really have to do it?” I know that these past month, I’ve improved my skills and stamina. It isn’t much, but I sure can lift a sack of rice now as easy as lifting a venti cup of my favorite drink. Okay, that’s an exaggeration but I really can lift heavier stuff now.

            But of course, my question is merely rhetorical. The both of us has no say in this, so she just shrugged in answer. But I guess a thought came to her.

            “We could tease those two into fighting!” Nanaba squealed excitedly. Seriously, the things that goes on in her head. My thoughts were probably apparent, because not five seconds after that she went from a ball of excitement to a pouting sour puss.  

            Dinner would have been peaceful if it weren’t for Hange. I don’t know where she’s from, but she’s as filthy as ever. She marched straight to our table and began to eat. I should’ve left while her mouth was stuffed. The moment she practically swallowed everything, her torture began.

            “Nanaba, guess what Andi did today.” The bespectacled brunette tried to intrigue my blonde friend – she even leaned on the table and her voice was curiously quiet for her.

            Before Nanaba could speak, I asked first. I can’t deny, Hange knows how to catch one’s attention. “Whatever do you mean?” I asked cockily. Seriously, I did nothing but torture myself today. Uh, I mean training. Taking a sip from my cup of room temperature water – these cavemen don’t have ice machines – I waited for her tale.

            “Andi and Erwin had an alone time in the woods, if you know what I mean.”

“ _Pfffeeehhhh!_ ” The water went from my mouth to all over my chest and the table in front of me. Good thing most people were done and out during this time, but there are still some who saw me.

“What the hell Hange! Ugh. Fuck me.” I said almost instinctively as I remove my jacket and tried to wipe my front. Of course by now the asshole is laughing, along with Nanaba. But she wasn’t done, oh no.

            “Meh. But Erwin might.” And the creep winked at me. I knew cussing will bite me in the ass.

            “Hange!” All of the events this morning came flooding back, coupled with the mortification I am experiencing right now, I can’t help but burn up and be as bright red as big, ripe tomato. And it gave them more reasons to laugh, apparently.

            Even though the mess hall was almost empty, the worst people to be left behind are still there – namely Erwin. And all the racket that we’re making only attracted his attention.

            Despite knowing it won’t help my situation, I looked up at where Erwin was seating. We locked eyes and he raised his eyebrows as if asking why, to which I just shrugged. Nanaba and Hange didn’t miss this, so more teasing ensued.

            “I knew he have a soft spot for you. But I wouldn’t think you would go dancing in the woods with him.” Nanaba said, with the excitement of a middleschooler. 

            “What? Dancing in the woods?”

            “Oh come on. You know, dancing without pants.”

            I’m frozen in my seat. These two are actually suggesting that me and Erwin are intimate? I am mortified. But as fate would have it, while these two are laughing off their asses, the man they thought I was hooking up with was walking towards us.

            “What happened? You’re wet, Andi.” Stating the obvious, he kindly handed me his handkerchief which I happily accepted.

            “Oh Erwin, it’s your fault that she’s wet.” Hange remarked and she and Nanaba went off in another laughing fit. I just shut my eyes in a feeble attempt to calm myself.

            “What?” Oh Erwin. I don’t know if you really are innocent or just playing stupid sometimes.

            “Shut up guys. And Nanaba? You better train hard. I’ll crush you at our duel.” I then rushed off to my room, with Erwin right at my tail.

            “What was that about?”

            “Just something Hange said.”

            “Oh. By the way, next Sunday there is a ball and commander Shadis wants you to come with us.”

            “Me? Why?” A ball sounds so medieval to my ears. “I’m a stranger, why would he want me there?”

            “Ah, you see this is a fundraiser ball. All branches of the military will be there, hoping that some rich person would sponsor them. And we’re after the same thing. Bringing you along won’t hurt our chances.”

            “So he’s going to sell me? Figures.”

            “No. I won’t let him do that.” I then turned and looked him in the eye, giving him the best death glare I could manage. Sighing loudly, he went on “not sell per se. We’ll just keep them entertained, and remind them that we’re from the survey corps. Besides, they’re harmless. You can flip them anytime you want.”

            “So I’m officially a survey corps soldier?”

            “Yes.”

            In my excitement, I rushed up to hug the man. Boy, am I thrilled! He tensed up, then I remembered I’m still wet and cold. And just when I was about to let go, I felt his arms around me. Despite everything that happened today, this felt nice.

            I’ve been quite happy here, but I felt out of place at times. But today, I feel like I belong.


	8. Bruised Cinderella

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: I wrote a chapter which is a little too long, so I decided to cut it and make it into just two separate chapters. This is the first part, obviously. LOL. And to everyone who wonders about Levi, you'll see him SOON. The time skip will appear two chapters from now then it's time for Levi. I'm really nervous about writing parts with him cause I feel that I will totally go out of character.)

“Today’s the day!” I said to myself the moment my eyes open. It’s the day that Nanaba would humiliate me in front of everyone. Or it’s the day I’ll beat her senseless. I trained so hard this past week.

            Racing to the grounds where we’ll battle it out, I saw a number of people gathering. Damn, it was those bets. Hange was noisily calling out to people to place their bets. They really made a game out of this. My coach was already here, and finding him was quite easy. He was standing beside the betting board.

            “What the hell?” I don’t know what I expected but there are obviously more people expecting Nanaba to win. Those who bet on me would expect a huge payout as I could count them off of my hands.

            “I’m betting on you.” Erwin tried to encourage me.

            “Of course you are.”

            Now that it’s here, I’m finally here, I feel chills. Nanaba is a legit soldier. She’s killed titans, and the only thing I’ve ever killed is a teeny tiny spider and I was screaming my head off the whole time.

            Soon enough, we were called to the middle. Hange is also the referee. As soon as she gave the go signal, Nanaba went in to attack! The bitch tried to punch me! But my training paid off – my reflexes improved a lot I feel like a ninja.

            I successfully dodged, but she immediately followed up with another punch. Raising both my arms, I shielded my face. “Ugh!” Her punch is really something! But it’s nothing compared to Erwin’s.

            Erwin never went easy on me during our sparring sessions, I almost hate him for it. But I can see that it might just be the thing that’ll help me live.

            Since I’ve gone defensive for a good five minutes, Nanaba’s guard isn’t that up. I grabbed the chance and kicked her on the stomach. She caught my foot and won’t let go. With a smug smile, “got you.” She taunted.

            This would’ve have been bad for me, except this is my favorite move. Using her grip on my foot for balance and foundation, I raised my self almost over her head going for another kick. And I hit her hard with my other foot, she flew backwards and fell hard on the ground.

            All around me were surprised faces. Everyone were so quiet for a full second before they started cheering.

            “Wow. Looks like you’ve really been training hard.” Nanaba said before she run off to attack me. I suddenly regret being an asshole who kicked her in the face.

            To sum it up, I took a beating. But she received her fair share of bruises. We’ve been going at this for more than half an hour, and I am really tired. I can feel my lips are swollen now. I need to finish this.

           We began running towards each other and she went in for a punch, which I dodged easily, then I used my ultimate move. I punched her on the throat. I know, dick move. That’s why I love it. She fell flat on the ground, gasping for air, and Hange went in for the countdown.

 

            “ …. 3 …. 2 …. 1 …. Andi wins!” Hange announced whilst raising my bruised arm. Despite most of these assholes losing their bets, they still cheered for me. Looking at the crowd, I saw Erwin practically glowing with pride. I can’t help but smile.

            Walking towards Nanaba, I fought all temptation to gloat and instead gave her my hand. Good thing she was a good sport. We spent the rest of the day in the hospital wing, wrapped in bandages and smelling like antiseptic.

            Erwin and the rest came to visit. Judging by Mike’s face, Erwin had rubbed my triumph in his creepy face. And probably also because he lost the bet.

            “Andi! Where did all that came from? That throat punch was so awesome!” Hange yelled excitedly. But she wasn’t satisfied with that, she ran towards me and tackled me.

            “Really? Hange I’m injured here!” My screams were muffled as I was unsuccessful in pushing her off of me. Good thing Erwin helped and dragged her off.

 

           

 

 

 

             

 

 

            We got out of the hospital wing that same day and went back to training right away. I still follow the strict training routine Erwin prepared, but since an expedition is coming up he’s quite busy. Meaning our private sessions are over.

            I’m scheduled to practice using the 3DM gear today, and I am seriously excited. My teachers for the day are my closest buddies, Hange and Nanaba.

            Turns out, balancing is not so easy. I flipped over a few times and gave my friends another round of a laughing fit, but by sunset I got the hang of it. I can’t help but love the feel of the wind as I zip past trees and dummy titans.

            I can’t help but imagine being Spider Man. So geeky, I know.

           

 

It’s been three days since the duel, and I’m looking less bruised now. Also, it’s the day we started our journey to the inner wall. Apparently, traveling between walls could take days if we travel on land. Taking the boat will cut our travel time shorter.

The boat ride was uneventful and painfully boring – I spent the whole time sleeping, eating and reading. My ideal situation, really but since everything’s so new, I would’ve loved to see how different people from these parts are. Too bad I couldn’t.

Also, everyone who came along was shut in the conference room because most of them were Squad and Team leaders. Can you believe that Hange is a team leader? Too bad Nanaba is apparently “not important enough” to come along.

After the long boat ride, we finally arrived at our destination. It took us almost three days so the ball is tomorrow. The moment we land, a few people greeted uncle Keith. I have no idea who they are, but I would say that they’re someone rich, because I can definitely smell money off of them.

We were then escorted to a fancy looking house. Well, to be honest almost every house here is fancy. It’s the habitat of the rich people.

The house that we’re staying at is a regular house, I’d say. It’s almost similar to houses back home, really. Only zero electric appliances. I can see how different the lifestyle of people here compares to those from wall Maria – it’s like the Capitol from Panem!

After touring the plain-but-big house, I have nothing else to do but sleep. So I did just that. Good thing time went by so fast and it was finally Sunday – the day of the Ball.

            Erwin knocked on my door and patiently waited for me to answer. He obviously learned from his past blunder.

            “Here.” He said with no preamble whatsoever, as he handed me a blue gown. It’s a really frilly kind of gown.

            “This? This is what I’m going to wear?”

            “Yes. It is the craze among the ladies in the inner city. You’ll fit in nicely wearing that.”

            “Uhuh.” I said, and he promptly left me so that I could fix myself up.

            I found out that they have a decent amount of makeup, albeit seemingly ancient they do the job. I mean, the brow liners are like charcoal for goodness’ sake. I feel like I’m in that memoirs of a geisha makeover scene, except less graceful.

            The gown was a nice shade of ice blue; it was off-shoulder with frills just about everywhere. Oh, and big ass ribbons.

            Looking at the mirror, I can see that my pale, blonde hair is a curly mess, and my pale complexion is covered with rouge on my cheeks and lips. Despite my best efforts, I just can’t seem to tame my hair, so I just put it up in a messy bun. I know, it doesn’t go well with everything else but I really suck at fixing myself up.

            Leaving my room, I found that Erwin was waiting for me. He looked so good in his black coat, cream pants and blue shirt. Whoa, we’re matching? He offered me his arm, which I took, and we walked side by side to the carriage.

            Only then did I start feeling jittery. What if I slip up? Boy, uncle Keith is such a girl. We’re already in the carriage and he’s still not around. Man, what if I get asked about my life?

            “Where are the others?” I asked, trying to get my mind off of thinking that I’ll mess up.

            “Some went ahead; the others went to the market for supplies. We might as well get two things done during this trip.” Erwin answered calmly. Seriously, is he that used to these balls that he’s not nervous at all?

            “Don’t worry. You’ll do fine.” Erwin said as he covered my hand with his. That’s only when I noticed I was shaking a little. I felt like my voice might crack, so I just nodded.

            Someone is finally getting in the carriage, but the one behind the door was not uncle Keith. It was Hange!

            “Something came up; the commander will be riding with Lord Gregory so it’s just the three of us. Ahh!” Hange was wearing her uniform. Does she even have other clothes? I waited for her to get inside but she just stared at us, then at our hands.

            Crap!

            I pulled my hand back, Erwin did the same. Hange then entered with a suspiciously sly smile. Good thing though she just stayed quiet the whole way. But she kept giving us meaningful looks.

            We soon arrived at a big house – no, a mansion! – and it was brightly lit, you’d think it’s Christmas. Music was playing and you can already hear it from outside, and its only classical music which I assume is being played live. Well, duh? Like they could play Uptown Funk.

            The introductions went smoothly. Erwin introduced me to so many nobles, I didn’t even bother to remember their names. Some creepy old geezers would just be, well, creepy. Offering me all kinds of stuff and asking me to leave the military to be with them. It’s more annoying than creepy, actually.

            “Erwin, Lord Lawrence is over there. He’d love to hear about your formation proposal.” Uncle Keith popped up of nowhere, said this piece and dragged off Erwin to where ever this Lawrence is.

            “I’ll be back, Hange stay with her.” He said before disappearing with the commander. Hange is too absorbed with the buffet that she hardly pays any attention to me. “I’ll just sit over there.” I informed her before running off to sit in a corner. I think I heard her say ok, but her mouth is so full so I really can’t tell.

 

            Watching the party from where I am makes me feel like I’m back home. No matter where you are, there really are people who can be vain. These rich assholes here are just partying and eating till they can’t breathe, while there are people who lives on bread and soup in wall Maria. FYI, people like me.

            “Is the party a little too much for you, my lady?” A voice asked. Looking at the source, I found a man sitting beside me. It wasn’t just any man – he is drop dead gorgeous! I guess he could read my thoughts as I think I’m almost drooling, and he gave me a small laugh of amusement. Even though I know he’s laughing at me, I can’t help but smile. He’s that hot.

            He’s got this soft, brown, curls for hair, and he’s not too skinny nor buffed. He’s got green eyes, thick-ish brows and perfect teeth. He’s just my type of guy, damn!

            “I’m Theodore.”

            “Andi. Uhm, I mean I’m Andi.”

            “Lovely name for a lovely lady.” He said as he scooped up my hand for a kiss. Honestly, I would’ve rolled my eyes at this but he’s just so cute. Turns out, he’s not just all looks. We spent quite some time talking about literature. Good thing that I’m well read on their books. We also talked about random things.

            We enjoyed our chat a little too much because we didn’t notice the crowd was silent until uncle Keith called me and some other man called Theo. Yes, I call him Theo now.

            Looking at uncle Keith, I now noticed that every eye in the room were on us, and most people had amused faces but Erwin’s not one of them. He’s standing right beside the commander, his face serious and his lip a tight line.

            Theo just laughed at the situation and stood up, giving me his hand so I’m standing beside him. The man who called Theo then spoke, “thank you every one for coming to our humble party. My family appreciates your presence in a most wonderful celebration …” yadda yadda yadda.

            I tuned out the speech partly because I couldn’t care less, mostly because Theo wouldn’t stop talking and whispering to me. The crowd started clapping, signaling the end of the man’s speech.

            Looking around, I saw that uncle Keith was approaching with his little entourage, including the man whose speech I ignored.

            “Andi, this is Lord Thomas Van Rumpade. Lord Thomas, this is my niece Andi Frost.”

            “My my, who would’ve though you would have a niece like her? I see you met my son Theodore.”

            In my shock, I couldn’t stop myself that I turned to Theo and asked him, “this is your party?” Good thing they just laughed. Well, I don’t really know if that’s a good thing.

            “No. It’s more like a party for me.” Theo answered me. A party for him? Shit. Is this like the party in Cinderella were the Prince can just pick whomever he wants for a wife?

            Good thing it wasn’t It was a coming of age party. Apparently, rich people are used to buying military titles, and this is the day he’ll decide to be a Military Police, or a Garrison Soldier or if he’s feeling hard core, a Survey Corps Soldier.

            Since his family is going to buy the title, the Military branch he chooses will obviously receive the money. That’s where we come in.

            Dragging Erwin to the side, I asked him in the faintest whisper I could manage, “this is why I’m here, isn’t it? He’s almost my age.”

            “I’m afraid so.” He said. Looking at him, I really can’t tell what he’s thinking. It’s like the Erwin I know is on break, and this one is soldier Erwin. But maybe it’s just in my head.

            At the end of the party, Theo and his family ended up choosing the Survey Corps. Uncle Keith was so happy, I think he would actually jump. Theo’s father said they chose us because “this wee little lass is doing her best to protect us. What better way to thank her and her comrades than giving them funds?”

            It was a little too straight to the point, but I don’t care. It’s money and if it will help, then all is well. And since it’s just a title, Theo is free to stay behind, though he wouldn’t have it that way. He ended up tagging along on our way home. Well, not tagging. He’s one of us now.


	9. To Infinity and Beyond

The trip back was entertaining – at least for me. Theo filled me in on how life was within the walls. Turned out this world within the wall is a little like how I imagined North Korea to be. Of course most of these people can’t tell, but I have the feeling that the history they are being taught from childhood is fabricated.

There’s just too many holes that it doesn’t answer, mainly the origin of titans. Theo is one of those who just either naively believe or just couldn’t give a damn.

Oh, I am totally thankful that Theo is talkative – he didn’t ask me much questions about my life.

The moment we got back, we are off to training. Since Theodore is simply clueless about our craft, they have to train him on the most basic of things, even though he is supposedly a “Squad Leader”. But we all know it’s just a title. I mean, first off he bought it, second there are only four squad leaders and he’s an extra, lastly there isn’t even a squad for him to lead. It doesn’t seem like he minds, though.

“Erwin!” I called out while running towards him. Honestly, I haven’t seen him since we left the party.

“Andi. I see, that shadow of a man isn’t clinging on to you today.”

“Shadow? What, you mean Theo?”

“Theo? I didn’t know you two were that close.” He said in a tone so cold. What the hell? Seeing as he’s in such a bad mood – must be the stress of the coming expedition – I decided to just ask him my question and get this over with.

“Well, we are. Anyways are we still on for training? You promised you’ll teach me how to use the blades, and how to maintain the gear.”

He smiled, though I can’t exactly tell why but for sure it wasn’t a smile out of happiness. Before he could say anything, though Theo appeared.

“Andi! I’ve been looking all over for you. Come and have breakfast with me.” He said, as he sashayed over to me and Erwin. “Oh, Erwin, was it?”

“Yes, Lord Van Rumpade.” Erwin said bitterly, the smile swiped off his face.

“Oh, no need to be so formal. We’re fellow squad leaders.” I guess it wasn’t only me who found this funny as I saw Erwin sneak an eye roll at that, but Theo wasn’t finished yet. “Join us for breakfast?” He said in his charming way, dazzling us with his unbelievably white teeth in a world with no whitening strips and high-tech dental stuff.

“I’m afraid I can’t. There are still preparations I have to see through.” And then he just turned away and left me with Richie rich. I guess that’s a no for our training. Even though I know I would mostly just whine all day while we train, I can’t help but feel disappointed.

 

            The following days, I was taught how to handle blades and to maintain a 3DM gear. Also, I started learning more about titans. Who else could teach me well other than Hange? I tuned out so much of her long speeches before that I have to suffer through them again, only this time I should really pay attention.

            In a month, I am a professional at both combat and 3DM gear. I now know by heart where to slice a titan, I know very well how to ride a horse and I also learned first aid. It was depressing, though, their first aid. Turns out a lot of injuries and diseases which are treatable back home, are deadly here.

            It’s unbelievable how fast my progress was. I’d say, I have a knack for violence.

            With the expedition only a few weeks away, I am putting double effort in everything that I do in hopes of Erwin giving me the go signal.

            Speaking of Erwin, even though we live right next to each other, I barely saw him. It’s because he’s always at meetings. I, on the other hand am always training, or with Theo who won’t leave me alone. I admit, I was stunned when I first saw him. The infatuation eventually wore off after seeing how much of a baby he is. But I still can’t tell him to leave me alone, I mean he paid us so he could stay, also I think it’s kind of my fault that he chose us.

            “Andi. Where’s Theodore? Not clinging on to you today?”

            What the hell? I felt my forehead knot in frustration the moment Erwin finished. Seriously, every time I run into him, he’s always like this and then he’ll be gone before I could even respond.

But the expedition is more important, so despite my irritation, I decided to just roll my eyes and ignore his questions. And I grabbed his arm before he could run away to who knows where.

            “I want to join the expedition.”

            “You just started training two months ago.”

            “Ugh! Is that a yes, or a no?”

            “You’re not yet ready.”

            “I’m better than a number of soldiers already!”

            “You haven’t beaten me once every time we spar. If you can’t handle me, a Titan is too much.”

            “Last time we sparred, I’ve only been training for a month. It’s different now.”

            “Oh, really?”

            I hate this. I hate it when people doubt me. In my irritation, my idiot side took control of my mouth.

            “If I’m not ready, then I’ll die. It doesn’t matter. I want to go.” See? When I say idiot, I really mean it.

            Erwin gave me a glare that could probably kill me, but I stood my ground. I won’t falter. This is the adventure that I’ve been waiting for! I stared back at him as intensely as I could. It honestly became a staring contest.

            “Alright. But you won’t leave my side. Understand?”

            Yes, sir!” I said, letting go of his arm. I then pounded my chest with my right hand – as best as I could as I am fairly big chested – and gave my very first salute.

           

***

            You’ll know it if it’s the day of an expedition, or better yet you’ll feel it in the air. A sense of dread hangs in the air, and it’s really depressing. Almost every soldier is silent, although some are abuzz with nervous energy. Even though I’m quite confident, their attitude is very infectious. Soon enough, anxiety creeped in into my system.

            I can’t help but be amazed by Theodore’s confidence. He’s the only one who seems to be excited. But it’s probably because he doesn’t know what to expect.

            We soon arrived at Shiganshina where the outermost gate is located. Well, technically there are three other gates that goes out the wall, but they just seem to like using this one that’s leading towards the south.

            I’m on my horse, Max, and right beside me is Erwin. I plan on fulfilling my promise about sticking to him, I feel like I’ll be safer that way.

            I’ve been staring blankly ahead, at the sea of green capes and wings of freedom crest. The gates take a long time to open. Uncle Keith chose this to give a pep talk, which I could hardly hear over the murmurs of bystanders and soldiers alike.

            “Nervous?” Erwin asked, raising a thick eyebrow.

            “No.” He smiled at that, but in a way that shows that he doesn’t believe me. Well, I admit I was lying. I am nervous, who wouldn’t? Even though I literally asked for this, I can’t help but be anxious – it’s like riding a roller coaster.

            When the gate finally opened, uncle Keith gave the go signal and we all valiantly rode our horses. I sang FOB’s Centuries in my head, making me feel like I’m some kind of hero with a theme. But then I realized that it’s not really making me feel good, especially the line _some turn to dust_. I definitely don’t want that.

I kind of expected that there would be titans right outside, waiting for us. But it took a couple of minutes before we encountered the first one. The team at the rear promptly dispatched it.

I hoped that this is how my first expedition would be: few titans roaming, and some that we run into are instantly killed, we then prance around on our horses the end. But no, that’s not how it is over here.

Not even ten feet from the first titan, two more appeared. And two out of the five soldiers that attacked were eaten. After that, we encountered more and more soldiers got eaten in their attempt to kill the damn giants.

“Why do we approach them head-on?”  I yelled at Erwin. The goal of this mission is lost to me, because with what’s happening, I can say that our mission is to die for humanity period. Nothing gained, we just die. I mean, puny little humans like us attack big ass titans on sight.

Instead of answering, Erwin just clicked his tongue and commanded us to ride in a closer pack. I now understand more why in movies and tv shows, the high-ranking officers are always old people. Those of position just yell out command, while the nobodies jump to their deaths.

Was I a very unlucky nobody.

            “Two Titans approaching from the rear!” Pieter yelled.

            “One is a six-meter titan, the other a twelve-meter!” Supplemented Esme. Now, the announcement of titan’s presence isn’t creepy itself, what scared me was that these two soldiers are right behind me. I turned to look at Erwin, who was unbelievably calm while giving orders.

            “Ready your blades.”

            One thing you must know; this squad of Erwin’s is a bunch of veterans. Also, there are four team leaders under him, one of them is Hange. Since Hange is a team leader, even though she’s directly under Erwin, she’s in a different part of the convoy.

            Anyhow, I followed his orders and readied my blade. Since we are nearest these titans, it’s our goal to finish them off now.

            Honestly, this moment was a blur. I don’t know, it must be the adrenaline. But my fuzzy memories tell me that I helped in eliminating the titans, though one of us got his leg bitten off. Being the newbie, I was assigned to treat Damien. While the others where finishing off the last titan, I tended to the injured soldier.

            His thigh was ripped in half as there’s where the titan bit him. I felt queasy, but I tried to do my job. Tried is the key word, because my asshole team mates just happened to land the killing blow on the 12-meter titan whose torso fucking landed on Damien, and almost on me.

            I’d like to save you from the gory details, but next time you eat a spaghetti with meatballs, crush the meatballs. That’s what I saw. I’d say being eaten by a titan isn’t the worst way to die.

            “Andi! Andi, get yourself together!” Erwin was shaking me. I guess this is something that would scare me for life.

            Next thing I know is I’m back on my horse going towards where ever the commander tells us to.

            Setting camp for the night, everyone who wasn’t injured or dead are busy salvaging any bodies that could still be taken home while some were like me who are treating the injured. There are a lot of missing and crushed limbs. Turns out having a titan fall on you is a common way to die or be injured.

            It was almost sunset by the time I finished up. I walked and ended up where uncle Keith is.

            He has a map with him, on which he is jotting down notes. I sat down beside him, feeling exhausted all of the sudden.

            “What’s our goal, really?” I asked in a silent whisper.

            I looked around, and in between clusters of bandaged soldiers are bodies on the grounds waiting to be loaded on wagons. Even the horses looked fewer.

            “You already know it.” He answered, not even bothering to look up.

            “Secure bases for advancement beyond the walls. But why aren’t we doing it?”

            That has got his attention because he focused on me with too much intensity I almost regret being born. “We aren’t doing it? Do you think these soldiers died for nothing? For a silly quest?” I was almost too tempted to tell him to _chill_ , but I’m just too tired both physically and mentally.

            “We could run from titans and not attack them head-on. That’s what people have been doing for the last century.” I thought back to how I played video games – like pokemon. I always avoid the trainers; I walk behind them or when they are not looking. I guess that could be done by us and it will save a lot of lives and reach our goal at the same time.

            “You’ve been spending too much time with Erwin.”

            And our conversation was over.

            The rest of the expedition was a haze. I killed a few titans, though I wasn’t able to celebrate my first kill. It’s like I operated on instincts; my mind was blank and I kept jumping and slicing. It was almost robotic. I know it’s bad, but I think my autopilot tried to be the hero. I pulled people from titan’s mouths, I pulled some who are about to be crushed. I am honestly surprised I survived.

By the time we are to go back inside the walls, our numbers are almost cut in half.

            The trip home was also ridden with more casualties. We soon reached Shiganshina and there wasn’t any Hero’s Welcome. We were hackled and mocked. But I’m too tired to feel anything about it.

            The moment we got back to HQ, I went straight to my room after leaving Max in the stables. No tears came though. I was just sitting on my bed staring at the bare floor. Then someone bust in my room.

            “Erwin.”

“How are you holding up?”

That was when tears started flowing down. I couldn't stop. I was shaking and sobbing. Then I felt his arms around me, trying to console me. You know what's sad? It's not just seeing people die or get eaten. It's not death itself. I'm used to death, people die all the time. The news back home was full of it.

The difference this time is that these people who died are not just numbers on a statistics report. They are my colleagues - people that I actually know. They are names and faces to me, not just numbers. Erwin didn't say anything. He didn't tell me that it will be okay. He' not giving me empty promises. Honestly, this hug alone is enough.

 “I should have turned back. I could've saved some people. I ...”

He suddenly broke the hug and held me at arm's length, looking at me straight in the eye.

“Stop. Don't blame yourself. If you start regretting your decision, you will start to doubt yourself. You'll let others decide for you, so stop. None of it is your fault.”

He said, concern evident in his eyes. I know he's right, of course he is. And it would be wise for me to follow his advice. Too bad I'm such a baby, though.

“Ok.”

 I lied. Because I know who I’ll be dreaming of tonight, If I ever get sleep. Guilt is still eating at me.

 He stayed with me that night until I stopped crying, which is apparently when I fell asleep.


	10. Real or Not Real?

I woke up on my bed, and alone. I really should've heeded Erwin's warning before I joined the corps. But nothing ventured, nothing gained right? Though what did I gain, really? Heartache? I decided to not think of it for now. And since I performed quite well during the last expedition – considering it was my first time – I think I should stay and lend my strength. There's nothing else for me to do anyway.

 I guess lady luck hates me so much right now though, that I woke up with puffy eyes and a clogged nose. I feel like I'm going to have the flu. Ugh. A knock on my door broke the silence, Erwin’s voice followed.

“Are you up?”

“Yes.”

“Are you decent?” He joked. We moved on from what probably is the most awkward thing to ever happen to us both, and made it into our little private joke. And well, it made us grow closer. I mean, he did saw me naked… Anyways, despite feeling really under the weather, I can’t help but laugh at that.

“Yeah, I am. Come on in.”

I look like a total mess, but Erwin is the closest thing I have to a family so I couldn’t care less.

“You look horrible.” He said unceremoniously as he closed the door.

“Thanks.” I scooted over so he could sit beside me on the bed. I wonder why he’s here?

 He turned to look at me, then he leaned in so close we were practically nose to nose! I racked my brain as I try to process what sort of social situation this is, and I could only come up with one answer.

I instinctively closed my eyes, is he really going to *gulp* kiss me?! My room was pretty quiet, aside from my heavy breathing and rapid heartbeat (which I’m sure Erwin can hear as he’s so fucking close) and his almost silent snicker. Yeah, great Erwin just have a laugh at my expense. Then I felt it.

I opened my eyes – which I bet are as round as saucers right now – and saw Erwin’s thick brows meet in worry. He’s got a hand on my forehead, the other on my shoulder. He’s got a really weird way to feel one’s forehead, it seems.

“You feel hot, Andi. Do you think you can walk to the infirmary?” Now, my idiot brain decided to get back at him for putting me in an uncomfortable position.

“No. Carry me downstairs.”  I replied in my pitiful attempt to make him feel uncomfortable. Let me see that flustered face.

Too bad it backfired. He really knows how to wipe off the smug grin off my face. Erwin scooped me up bridal-style.

“Hey! Put me down! I was just kidding!” Now, I would have totally kicked and punched if I just wasn’t coming down with a fever. So I barely struggled.

The asshole just gave me a smile, clearly enjoying my flustered face. I’ll remember to kick his ass later. He obviously didn’t listen to me despite my complaints. I stopped yelling at him when we got outside my door as the last thing I want is to attract the attention of the other soldiers.

But as luck would have it, we run in to almost everyone I’m close to.

Mike decided that the proper way to address the situation was to give us a wolf whistle. Many, like Nanaba, clapped and cheered saying things like “go Erwin!” You’d think these people are all in high school.

In my humiliation, I hid my face by leaning in to his chest. I decided that I should just pretend to be sleeping, that way I could play dumb if I get teased later.

In this position, I could clearly hear Erwin’s heart beating. This is crazy. I admit, his heartbeat is a tad faster than normal, and I can’t say that it’s not affecting me. But I can’t let this have any effect on me whatsoever. I just can’t.

As I try to convince myself to stay calm, I heard the voice that I dreaded to hear.

Preceded by a maniacal laugh, Hange continued, “Erwin! Wrong way. Turn around to go to the dorms.”

Erwin gave her an uncharacteristically-boyish laugh. He chose to say nothing (thank goodness) and continued on to the clinic. He might just be concerned about me, and he’s not just teasing me huh? We soon arrived and even though he’s carrying me, he managed to open the door.

“What’s wrong?” The apathetic doctor asked.

“She’s having a fever.”

“Oh. Well, that seems simple enough. I don’t see why you need to be dramatic and carry her all the way here. Come now, set her down here.”

Looking up, I can’t help but laugh at Erwin as he stares daggers at the asshole doctor.

“What?” He asked, feigning annoyance at my laughter.

“He’s right, you know.”

Erwin set me down, and the doctor went on to treat me. It was really just the basic – taking my temperature, handing me a wet towel and giving me some kind of tablet. I wonder what this is? Do they have paracetamol? I took it anyways, since well, doctor’s orders. And I expect I might have to do a lot of explaining to do if I mention paracetamol and they have no idea what it is.

“That’s it. Just drink plenty of water and get some sleep and you’ll be good. Now go back to your rooms so actual patients who can’t walk can use the bed. Go on.”

Erwin’s face matched mine as we stared at this doctor. Is he for real? I’ll make sure to mention this to “uncle” Keith. I stood up before Erwin had the chance to scoop me up again. We walked towards the door so we could finally get out of this hellhole, but someone on the other side opened the door for us.

“Andi! And, uh Irwin?” Theo said, in a tone of surprise.

“Erwin.” He said unamused.

“Yes. I know. Andi, are you alright?” He said, pushing Erwin aside and grabbing my hands. Erwin grunted in annoyance, but he still let Theo do what he wanted.

“Oh my, you feel hot. Doctor, shouldn’t she be in bed? Come Andi!” Theo said practically dragging me back to the bed that the asshole doctor just told me to get off of a minute ago.

“No, I’m fine. Really. What about you, what are you doing here?” At this question, Theo’s ears became red, and the color reached his cheeks. Stuttering, he answered, “uh, I just wanted to ask the doctor something. Uh, yes. That’s it.”

“We’ll leave you to it then.” Erwin answered, surprising us both, but what surprised us more was that he grabbed my hands from Theo’s grip and pulled me out of the room with him.

“What was that all about?” I asked Erwin as best as I could, considering I can only breathe through my mouth right now.

“What? He said he wanted to speak with the doctor. We shouldn’t listen in on their conversation.”

“Hmm. Whatever. It’s nice to know he’s alright, though.”

“He’s alive because of you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You pulled him out of a titan’s mouth. It was really stupid of you.”

“Say what now?” Damn. I seriously can’t recall how I did those things and who are the people I saved.

Erwin sighed, and looked at me before he told me what he saw during the expedition.

“You were amazing. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were a veteran. And a really good one at that. Let’s go back to your room. I’d rather we have this conversation in private.”

On our walk back, I can’t help but think _“am I in trouble?”_ I can’t help but feel like I’ve done something wrong. Erwin’s tone just affected me that way.

We soon arrived at my room, and this part of the HQ just seem to be abandoned in its eerie quietness. There isn’t any sound, save for our footsteps and a few birds chirping outside. It feels like it was only the two of us here.

Once we were in my room, we both sat on my bed, as that’s the only place to sit. I should really get a desk and a chair.

“So?” I prompted. I made myself comfortable, wrapping a blanket around me as I wait for him to start.

“Well, you performed quite well. It’s as if you’ve been killing titans your whole life. And you surprised me more by pulling or pushing every soldier you see from certain death, one of them being your friend Theodore.”

“Wow. I, don’t know what to say except that I don’t exactly remember everything.” Which is true. Like I said before, it was like I was on autopilot. I moved on instincts alone. But him saying that I seemed like someone who’s been doing it for my whole life is seriously ridiculous.

My life before I got here was really boring. The most exciting thing that has ever happened was … well, nothing. My life was books and the internet, and movies. I wasn’t really physically active, let alone a titan slayer.

“Can’t say I doubt you. You were somehow different – like a whole other person. This makes me think more about your origin. Are you sure you remember everything about your world correctly?”

I was gonna answer yes right away, but his question planted a seed of doubt in my head: was I ever really in another world before this? What is real, anyway?

 

***

The next day, I still have doubts. Damn Erwin for making me think about things like this. But if you know me already, then you can tell that I’ll just forget about it. I live in the present, no use dwelling on those thoughts, especially if they just confuse me.

Feeling better than yesterday, I decided to drop by uncle Keith’s office. I wanted to complain about the doctor, and also to ask for more furniture. I had to walk a bit to get to his office, and like yesterday, the hall was deserted. I wonder where everybody is? My question was answered right away when I walked pass a window. They’re all training downstairs. Figures. I should get back to training as well.

I finally reached his office. Knocking once, I heard his gruff voice telling me to come in.

“Oh, good it’s you. Come here and help me sign these.” He said straight away. Yay paper work. He was signing yet another set of letter of condolences. I started forging his signature, and after the first five letters I decided to stop reading the name of the deceased and just sign the damn thing. Last thing I want is to send tear-stained letters to their relatives.

“You did a great job, Andi. Thanks to you we got another vast amount of donation.” He said in his monotonous voice. Despite the good news he just delivered, the death toll of our last expedition is still weighing him down.

“Donation? From whom?” I asked, not bothering to look away from the papers I’m signing.

“Lord Thomas Van Rumpade. It’s only because of you that his son is alive.”

“Well, that’s good to know.”

After some moments of silence, I finally asked him about what I came here for.

“Uncle Keith, don’t we have any other doctors? The one here is so rude.” He snorted before answering. Classy Keith.

“Who wouldn’t act like that? The way you and Erwin went to the clinic is quite scandalous. I ought to reprimand you both. I didn’t expect that from Erwin.”

“What?! I was ill!”

“Sure you are. So ill you can’t walk.”

I was like a fish with my mouth agape. I can’t believe this; the scary commander is teasing me? I just shrugged it off. This will blow off soon enough, but he isn’t done yet.

“No more of that Andi, you understand? Especially while Lord Theodore is here.”

At the mention of Theo’s name, I felt my ears perk up. “What does he have to do with it?”

“Nothing.”  I was about to pester him for more details, but he went on, “is that all that brought you here?”

“No. I’d like to get a chair and a desk for my room, too. Is that possible?”

“Of course. With the huge donation you brought in, we could also buy you more clothes.”

“Great. Oh, and one more thing. Do you remember telling me about that other man you found beyond the wall?”

“Yes. Grisha Yeager?”

“Yeah, him. I’d like to meet him.”


	11. The Red Scarf

 

Bundled in a scarf and a trench coat, I made my way to Shiganshina alone. Erwin was being a baby about coming with me, good thing uncle Keith kept him busy. Even though I still am not a hundred percent well, I insisted on going alone. I’m not even sure if doctor Grisha will be able to give me answers, anyway.

Undeniably, the journey was quiet. I haven’t been alone like this in quite a while. Honestly, being left alone with my thoughts and overactive imagination is not exactly a good thing. I can’t shake off my anxiety about what I am. Now I doubt everything – even this. Maybe my life before was some crazy dream. Or maybe this life I’m living now is the crazy dream.

Whatever. Letting out a deep sigh, I continued on. Now that I’m in Shiganshina, I actually kind of regret going alone. But it can’t be helped, no one can know about this similarity I share with the doctor.

People are rushing by around me, going about their daily business. These people are obviously not as rich as those in the inner wall. It’s quite obvious in their clothes and the kind of houses here. I guess wherever in the world, the farther you are from the big cities, the harsher the lifestyle can get.

Amidst all the daily humdrum noise, I heard a familiar sound of flesh hitting flesh. “Whoa, a fight?” I said to no one in particular.  I then run towards the sound because, well who doesn’t want to see some assholes punching each other?

“Ugh! You morons! Yahhhh!” A black-haired boy said before throwing a punch at a much taller boy. He was clearly weaker – his right eyelid was already swelling and his lip was bloody. Behind the boy was a blond-haired boy who was crying.

I’m a little disappointed. It was just some kids. But it looked like some steroid-powered teen is bullying some really little kids. Like, they’re only eight? Shaking my head, I decided to meddle.

“Heh, try to get a little taller before you fight me.” The taller and uglier boy said as he threw his fist to the black haired kid’s face, but it didn’t hit. I have my hand on his wrist. Good thing I’m a lot stronger than this asshole.

I admit, the kid who seems pubescent is a few inches taller than me but I’m still a soldier and titan slayer. He can’t touch me.

“Fuck off, short stack!”

“What did you just call me?” I said. How dare he? Before he could answer, though, I strengthened my grip and twisted his arm. “What did you call me?” I repeated with more intensity.

“Nothing, I’m sorry!” He grunted in between his cries of pain.

“Don’t apologize to me. Apologize to them.” I said, motioning to the two kids he was just bullying. Honestly, this world is not short in supply of assholes. And this particular asshole looked like he won’t be apologizing soon enough, so I furthered my twist of his arm, and was really close to breaking it.

“Sorry! I’m sorry!” He said pathetically. Before I let him go, I warned him, “touch this kids again and I’ll break your arm off.”

The little fucker then ran away, screaming. He didn’t even look back.

“Are you okay?” I asked the boys. They both nodded, though they clearly are shaken. The blonde kid was still crying quietly, while the dark haired one was trying to wipe off the blood on his face.

This looks pitiful. I gave my plain, white hanky to the crying boy. There is no way I’d give the white handkerchief to the bleeding boy. Do you have any idea how hard it is to do your laundry? Especially without a washing machine and dryer?

Still, the dark-haired kid looks so pitiful, with his hair in disarray, his eye turning purple and his lip split and bleeding. Feeling really sorry, I tried to clean his face using my scarf. I know, I am not so smart.

            Soon, the kid’s ears and cheeks was as red as the scarf. “Thank you, but I can do this.” He said quietly, taking the scarf and wiping his face. As he’s doing that, I helped the blonde boy get up to his feet. He motioned to return my hanky, but seeing it tear stained and full of snot I just smiled and told him to keep it. Yeah, there is no way I’ll try and wash it off.

            The other kid also tried to return my scarf, “thank you. Uhm, here it is.” He politely said.

            “Keep it. You need it more than I do.” I said nicely even though I’m cringing inside. I know, I voluntarily offered them my stuff, so I should just suck it.

            Ensue awkward silence. Now what do I do? Do I walk them home? Or do I just leave them here?

            “I’m Andi, by the way. What are your names?” I decided to make them feel at ease first, so I flashed the friendliest smile I could give.

             The blonde boy answered first, “Armin.”

            Then the dark haired one, “Eren.”

            “Nice to meet you Armin, Eren.” By now, Armin stopped crying but there are deep breathes every now and then. I’m not really in the mood to babysit, besides I’m not feeling well myself. Which reminds me, I need to go see doctor Jaeger! Before I could decide what to do though, the kids dragged me from my thoughts.

            “Thank you for helping us!” They said in unison. They even bowed down as a sign of respect. Dang, sweet kids. I can’t help but smile at this. “You’re welcome.” I can’t den, it feels good to be a hero.

            “Ugh, we don’t have anything to give you.” Armin said, his nose scrunched up because of either worry or just more snot trying to escape. “What? You don’t have to give me anything.” I said, trying to look him in the eyes and not at the nose.

            “But you helped us! And you even gave us this red scarf and handkerchief!” Eren said in protest. By now I could tell that Armin is passive, while Eren here is aggressive. The way he yelled at me you’d think he was having a bout with me.

“Well, I’m not from here. Would you mind showing me around?” I asked. Seriously, I am kind of lost and these kids live here. And hey, I’m not taking advantage of them. They’re the ones who wanted to return the favor.

When I asked for something they could easily do, they finally flashed a smile and happily said yes. And off I go with my little tour guides.

*****

            There wasn’t much to see in Shiganshina.

            “It sure is interesting, this place.” I uttered. Understandably, everything within the walls is all medieval and ancient. But they are all also new to me – thus catching my interest.

            We ended up visiting some candy stores. Apparently, the sad looking shop is the luxurious spot here, which is really sad. I bought Armin and Eren a bag each of pitiful candies. Oh how I wish I have a Mars bar, or Cadbury to give these two.

 

 

            After a while of playing big sis to them, Eren spoke up. “My house is that way. If you’d like something to drink.” He said, blushing a little. “Alright” I complied. They must be tired now.  I mean they must be, after being treated like punching bags.     

 

***

            “Mom, I’m home!” Eren yelled the instant he opened the door. His humble home was pretty much like the rest of the other houses, brown and gray. But it looks really clean, and there are quite a number of plants and flowers.

            “We have guests.” Eren continued.

            “Sorry for the intrusion.” I said, as I follow Eren and Armin inside.

            Eren’s mother greeted them warmly. Surprised at his son for bringing home a guest who is a lot older than him, I just flashed a shy smile at her surprise. She quickly recovered, though as she was instantly smiling at me warmly and offering me something to drink.

“I hope you like tea. Now come here Eren, let’s clean up your face.”

 She said with a smile, which looks intimidating. She looks a lot like her son. The scarf I gave Eren got most of the blood off his face, but there is still some soot. Armin looked a lot more relaxed here, and was having a really animated conversation with Eren, as the latter’s mom was wiping his face clean with a wet towel.

            Tea time with the kids and Carla was wonderful. We talked about the shops that we visited, the kids went crazy about their candy and Carla kept thanking me. They also reenacted how I saved them.

            “And then she blocked his punch like this!” Eren said as he and Armin gave us a little performance of my heroism.

            “Oh my. Thank you, Andi. You have no idea just how often Eren comes home with a black eye.”  

            “It’s nothing, really.” I said, trying to play it cool. I seriously have no idea how to respond.

            “What brings you to Shiganshina anyway?” She asked.

            “Oh, I haven’t been feeling well lately so I went here to see a doctor that my uncle told me about. He said his name’s Grisha Jaeger.” I said, almost forgetting why I came here in the first place.

            “That’s my dad!” Eren yelled proudly.

            Turns out, I’m already where I’m supposed to be? Ain’t that convenient.

            Eren went on telling me about how good of a doctor his dad is, Armin never failed to support him as he threw in more proofs of Grisha’s greatness every now and then.

            As the two kids paused to breathe, Carla finally had a chance to say what she wanted to say five minutes ago, “you said your uncle referred you here? Is he someone we know? And, well your condition must be bad that you have to go all the way here. I can’t believe you let these two drag you everywhere.” She said, finishing off with a glare to the kids – a glare which only a mother could give.

            “Well, my condition’s not that bad. It’s just the doctor back at the HQ is not, well acting like a doctor.”

            “Hq?” Eren asked, curiosity evident on his face. I was about to mentally kick myself in the butt. Don’t they use the term HQ? Thank goodness Armin came to my rescue.

            “Hq means headquarters, right Andi?” He said proudly, flashing a rather toothy grin.

            “Headquarters of what?” Eren asked, coming a bit closer. Seriously, this kid’s intensity is a little too much.

            “Survey corps. You see, I’m a survey corps soldier. And commander Shadis is the one who suggested I go see your father.”

“Wha-? The Survey Corps?” Eren practically screeched, his eyes sparkling. “Wow!” Armin added. If it were possible to have sparks in their eyes, I bet theirs would be full of it. They went on asking tirades of questions which I honestly couldn’t understand.

            “I didn’t expect you to be a soldier. Specially being related to commander Shadis. You did say your uncle was the one who recommended my husband, didn’t you?”

            “I’m just a newbie though. I’ve only been on one expedition.

            I spent the rest of the afternoon telling Armin and Eren stories about the corps. Honestly, trying to make my experience child friendly is very challenging. Oh how I wish Grisha would come home now.

            Two hours after my arrival at the Jaeger home, Grisha finally opened the door.

            “I’m home.” He said, then a look of surprise when he saw me and the kids doing some punching routines. I ran out of things to say, so I just taught Eren and Armin basic self defense, so they won’t get bullied again. Carla was making dinner by then.

            “Good afternoon.” He said, after his initial surprise.

            “Dad!” Eren said, “Andi, this is my father, Grisha Jeager.” Eren introduced his father proudly. “He’s a great doctor!” Armin added.

            With a laugh, Grisha shook off Armin’s declaration of him being “great”, and claimed that he just “do what a doctor should do.”                   

            If I ran past him in the streets, I wouldn’t think of him as a doctor. He just doesn’t look like one to me.

           “Her name in Andi, dear. Can you believe that she’s Keith’s niece?” His wife introduced me. At the mention of my uncle’s name, something about his expression change. I just can’t pinpoint what.

            “Keith Shadis of the Survey Corps?” Grisha asked.

            “Yes. I also need your medical expertise.”

            “Very well, let’s take a look at you.” He said standing up, motioning at me to follow him to what I assume is his clinic or office.

           Before we get inside, Carla went on and said, “stay for dinner Andi.” To which Eren and Armin yelled their approval.

 

****

            “What’s been ailing you?” Grisha asked, all business. Unlike his “clinic”, which is basically just a room with a bed, a couple of chairs, some medieval doctor’s instruments and many bottles of questionable liquid.

            “Just this sore throat and fever.” I said and he did the routine that the asshole doctor back at HQ did.

            After giving me a list of foods and fruits that I should and shouldn’t eat, he deemed me well enough that he was about to tell me to come and have dinner with his family, but I stopped him.

           “Hold on, doctor. There’s actually something that I need to ask you.”

            “Is there anything else that you feel?” He asked, really he’s just all about being a doctor.

      “Actually, uncle Keith told me about how you two met. And I’m wondering if you remember anything now.”

      The look of surprise on his face scared me. “I still can’t.” He said, his lips a tight line. I just can’t help but feel like he’s not being totally honest, so I pressed him.

      “Please, if you do tell me. Uncle Keith, well he’s not really my uncle you see as he found me the same way he found you.” There, I said it.

      “Outside the walls?” He asked. I stopped myself from responding, _well, duh?_ And nodded instead. He took a few moments thinking and contemplating, but his reply is disappointing.

      “I’m sorry, but I really can’t help you. I don’t remember anything.”

      Fine. If he doesn’t want to tell me anything, then don’t. I didn’t press him after that, and we went on to have dinner with his family like nothing happened.

      “You can come back anytime!” Eren said as he was seeing me off.

      “We’ll see you off before every expedition, okay?” Armin said.

      Well, look at that? I just gained two fans. I smiled and wave as I walked off.

 

      It was quite late when I got back to HQ. It was quiet, as I assume everyone is already at their beds. But as I got closer, I noticed someone just got out of the building and was walking towards me.

      “Andi! I was just about to look for you. I thought you got lost!” Erwin said, a look of relief washing over his face.

      “I was, but a couple of kids helped me. I got a little sidetracked playing with them.” I said, yawning in between. I can’t deny, today is just like every other day. It’s like I’ve been training the whole time. Being with kids is that taxing, and there were only two of them.

I guess the walk home took its toll on me, too. See, I’m such an idiot I chose to walk all the way from Shiganshina to here. A good two hours. What was I thinking? I thought it would be a good exercise. Clearly I forgot I still have fever. Too bad though because by the time I realized what I’m doing was a huge mistake, I can’t exactly just hail a cab or call an uber car. Also, if I go back it will take just as much time if I go on.

“You really should have let me come along. You sho….. …” Erwin said a lot more, but I can’t remember as I passed out after his first sentence.

 

****

I woke up in my bed, in the same clothes that I was wearing yesterday. Looking at my clock, I notice that it’s almost five am. Ugh. I passed out right outside the HQ, so how? A small smile played on my lips as the realization hits me. “Erwin.” Of course.

The rest of the day was spent on training. And the days after that was just the same routine. And the weeks after that. After a few months, I went on my next expedition. This time, I am aware of the things that I do. And I surprised not just everyone, but also myself at how badass I was. I guess binge watching action films paid off.

Soon, months turned into a year. And before I know it, I’m one of the “good” soldiers. I’m still in Erwin’s squad.

My memories of my life before are a bit fuzzy now. It’s like it has blended so well with my life right now. And maybe you could tell, but I obviously kicked my doubts under a rug. No use dwelling on it, I just have to live the life I’m living now with no regrets.


	12. Planning a Visit to Master Splinter

Another expedition, another bloodbath. It’s sad how I’m used to this now. Like I said last time, I’ve been here for a little more than a year. I’m still a Survey Corps soldier (thank goodness), so basically nothing much changed except maybe that there are always new faces around me while the familiar ones are disappearing one by one.

I’m quite thankful that I have a knack for choosing friends, as almost all of my close friends are skilled soldiers and are still around. Speaking of skills, mine is one of the best. It’s not that I’m bragging, but I seriously think that I’m born to do this.

Though, I don’t use my skills to just kill of every titan I encounter. What do I use it for? Saving my fellow soldiers. I chose to be the hero of heroes. They’re a bunch of innocent chaps who just wants freedom for their people – people who won’t cheer them on and won’t believe in them.

I’d love to say that I’ve actually reduced death rates, but I didn’t. Though I save as many as I can, I could only be at one place at a time. Today’s expedition was no different. We’re still out in the field, preparing our campsite. Almost all of us are exhausted and stained with blood –the stain on me isn’t mine though.

Not bothering to wipe the blood off my face and hands, I continued my search for uncle Keith. I need to talk to that old fool. With that in mind, I naturally ignored everyone around me. A couple of soldiers tried to approach me, but I guess I look scary – especially with all this blood – that they immediately turned away. I finally found where he is – by the wagons and the line-up of bodies.

“Salvage any bodies you can. The least we could do is take them home.” The commander told a soldier, who saluted and went off, leaving me alone with uncle Keith. Noticing me, he was about to say something but I guess I’ll never know what it is because I cut him off. You know when your mom would scold you in public, and you’re on your last warning she would whisper threateningly? That’s how I said this:

“Do you have any idea how many people died on this expedition? Thirty ei-!”

“Thirty-eight. I know.” His face was calm, but there was a storm in his eyes and a crack in his voice – something I immediately noticed. Even though I recognized the emotions of the commander –  grief and regret which is how I also feel right now – I still decided to give him a hard time.

            “We could have prevented those deaths if you only used Erwin’s formation!”

            This formation that I mentioned is tailored to how I used to play pokemon. After talking to Erwin about it, he actually made a brilliant formation based on it. If you don’t remember, I used to walk past trainers. If I see one, I’ll get as far away from them as possible, keeping my eyes on the prize which is facing the gym leader in a perfect condition. Erwin’s formation is like that. If possible, we avoid combat with titans that we see, focusing our energy on our goal which is to secure a base beyond the wall.

            At the mention of Erwin’s brilliant formation though, the commander shifted from sadness to anger, and he finally snapped at me.

            “You’re the one who’s been acting like a hero. Why didn’t you save them?”

            “Oh, so now it’s my fault? Well mister, If I wasn’t there you would’ve lost more men! I saved as many as I could, but I can’t be in all places at once!”

            I’d probably feel guilty about this later, but it’s too late to stop myself. Okay, I already am feeling guilty right now looking at his face. I can see that he’s not mad only at me, but probably also at himself.

            “I know we just both wanted to be heroes. But our strategies just don’t work. Maybe Erwin’s would. There’s no harm in trying. Soldiers die either way.” I told him calmly. I know I sounded confusing just now, but if you can’t imagine how a pessimist becomes a little optimistic I’m guessing that’s how it is.

            Despite my very subtle optimism though, my uncle chose to ignore me and fumbled with the maps and papers he pulled out of his bag. With an exaggerated sigh, I turned on my heels and was about to leave when he spoke in a pathetically tired way only he could do:

            “It’s your turn to clean the stables when we get back.” Keith told me, as if I wasn’t screaming at him a few seconds ago.

***

                        Well, that went nowhere. I’ve nagged him so much that I know he wouldn’t just give in, but I guess this expedition is especially frustrating that I just literally want to scream at everyone. I walked past the neat line of dead bodies as if they were just a line of trees at a park, my mind set on how I’m going to clean myself.

                        I remember the first time I met Erwin, he gave me a set of uniform to wear. I now know why he had that spare lying around. Turns out expeditions are not one-day trips. If we’re lucky, we get to go as far as we could and actually having the need to spend the night outside. Bringing a fresh set of uniform is the norm. Even though we’re soldiers, there is just no way all of us could sleep in these filthy (and sometimes bloody) uniforms.

                        It’s really comforting to know that Erwin didn’t take that uniform from a dead soldier my size.

            “Hey, Andi!”  Breaking me away from my nostalgia was Hanji. My dear friend Hanji who is apparently one of those who don’t give a damn and just wear this dirt-ridden uniform for two days straight. Or sometimes even longer is she felt like it.

            “Hange. I heard you almost got squished to death today.” I grimly greeted her. News was, she was baby talking to a goddam Titan! Said titan wasn’t impressed so it tried to bite her head off, and it almost succeeded.

            “He, well… I’m still alive.”

            “Uhuh.” Is all I could say.

            “Andi.” A man called to me.

Both of us turned to see Erwin. Just when I was about to approach him, Hange leaned closer and whispered, “Oooh! There’s your boyfriend! He’s been looking for you since we started making camp.” Cringing inside, I tried to keep my face as blank as possible. It’s been a year but Hange and Nanaba still can’t get over me and Erwin.

            “For someone who was just in a massacre and who also almost died, you are so cheerful.” I replied, rolling my eyes and approaching my squad leader. Yes, I am still under him. Apparently, I’m still too irresponsible to be a team leader, let alone a squad leader.

            “Hey.” I said nonchalantly as I approached him. Over the past year, I got closer to Erwin and we basically know each other really well. So well we could probably finish each other’s sentences. But there are times that he’s still a little too hard to read, especially around Theo who I am quite sure now he hates.

Speaking of Theo, I think he’s passed out somewhere. You got to give it to him, for surviving this long without any special skills aside from looking really good. I don’t know why but even after a year, his combat skills are still pathetic. I had to keep an eye on him on every expedition. Despite being useless in battle, he has become sort of my assistant. Those whom I’ve pulled from certain death are given first aid by Theo. So he’s not really useless.

Anyways, after greeting Erwin, we went off to walk together towards my horse. He knows I want to clean up as soon as possible, so he just talked to me while we walked.

“I need you to come with me to the underground city.” Erwin said, his face as calm as ever.

“The underground?” Now that caused me to stop on my tracks and look at him. “What underground?” I literally have no idea what he’s talking about. I’m not so sure if that’s some kind of code or if there is literally an underground city somewhere within the walls.

“It’s a real city. Underground, right below people’s feet.” He said, his face betraying no emotion. I guess I’m a bad influence on Erwin. Just look at that explanation.

“Uhuh, where the ninja turtles live?” Now it’s my turn to sass mouth him.  A knot formed on Erwin’s forehead as he tried to comprehend what on earth ninja turtles are. I guess I haven’t talked about them yet. Realizing that I am still the bigger asshole, he just gave a really audible sigh and decided to just explain it to me.

“As I said, it is a city literally underground. It’s within Wall Sina.”

“In the rich people district?”

“Well, yes. But the people who live underground are, less fortunate.”

 “Oh. Okay. So when are we going?”

 “Three days from now. There is a very interesting criminal that I’d like to recruit.”

“That’s odd, recruiting a criminal. Must be someone really talented, or valuable.”

            “He is.  Mike, Richard and Lissa will go with us.” I only nodded in response. Then I thought about this underground city. Yet another place that seems impossible to be man-made in this world. I was about to ask Erwin about it but he did something that irked me to the core.

With his face as calm and tranquil as ever, he raised his right hand and patted my head, as if I’m some kind of toddler.

“Uggh! Erwin!” I grunted, rolling my eyes, but I’m not even trying to swat his hand away. It’s not like I’m enjoying this, it’s because when I try to swat his hand, he’ll raise it so high and mock me for being so short. So yeah, Erwin’s an asshole I’m just a bigger one.

“I heard you talking to the commander earlier. Earned you another turn at the stables?” He said, hand still on the top my head fondly.

“He’s a dummy.” Crossing my arms, I continued “he never listens. He thinks he’s the chosen one, like he could do anything big and wonderful.”

“If he’s a dummy, the corps should have long been dissolved.”

“Ugh, you know what I mean.”

Suddenly, my boots became so interesting. You know, even though they’re ugly as hell and a little too tight, they do the job. Thick enough to protect my leg from the knee down, and really comfortable to run in. As I try to list down all of the other advantages of my uniform, Erwin decided to finally break the silence.

“You should clean up and rest. You’ve been running around all day.”

“Yes mom.”

***

A year ago, I never understood why anyone would want to go camping. Imagine; no Wi-Fi, no electricity, no indoor plumbing, frogs and lots of bugs and creepy crawlies. I still don’t understand, but I can’t say that it’s super bad. I mean, overnight expeditions are basically camping trips. But let’s face it, every day of my life here is like a freaking camping trip in the boondocks.

Anyways, I cleaned up for the night and am prepping to sleep. And nope, no pajamas. I’m wearing my spare uniform and am trying to make a bed out of blankets inside a pathetic tent. Good thing titans sleep at night. Hmm, maybe they’re solar powered or have some kind of internal clock. We should really get one. I’ll try and bug Hange about it, so she’ll nag uncle Keith about it.

There’s no way I’m doing that, the nagging. I’ve received so many stable duties already that I know almost every horse we have by name. So I guess being a looked up upon titan slayer didn’t do shit about my personality. I mean, I do get depressed at times but I still go back to the sarcastic asshole I have always been.

Speaking of the past, I wonder how everything is back home. Is my mom freaking out that I’ve been gone for over a year? Or has time stopped since? I don’t know. As I ponder this useless things, waiting for sleepiness to hit me, a voice called right outside my tent.

“Andi, are you still up?” Oh, Theo. “Can I come in?”

Clearly, without thinking I answered right away. “Yeah, come on in.”

He raised the tent’s flap and went in, as I scooted over so he could sit. My tent could fit five people easily, as long as we’re sitting down with our knees up to our chest. So being there just us two, I can say we can sit comfortably enough.

Theo haven’t change since I met him. Same brown curls which just got a little thicker, and same white and bedazzling smile. Even though I am no longer infatuated with him, I just can’t help but stare. He’s so good looking you just can’t help to look at him. So instead of awkwardly staring at him as I wait for him to speak, I busied myself with my water canister and bags of cookies.

Pouring us a cup each of water, I also offered him the cookies which he turned down. Well, ok. I’ll eat it then. As I’m eating, he finally spoke up. But of course, he started with a smile. That sweet, sweet smile.

“Tough day, huh?” He said awkwardly. He was fiddling with his hands as if he’s nervous.

“Yeah. But there’s nothing new about it.”

“Ha, you’re right.” He said before looking down at his hands. Great, another awkward silence. What’s up with that?

“Are you alright?” I can’t help it so I just went on and asked him. I really have no idea how to deal with awkwardness. I wish this is something taught at school, but no. Instead we got Pythagorean theorem and whatnot.

Clearing his throat, he looked at me in a very serious manner. Now I’m getting fidgety too.

“Andi, I …” Taking a deep breath, he seems to be composing himself as if he’s doing some kind of confession. Crap, confession?!

“I’ve been in the military for a year now. I promised my father that if I like how things are here, I’ll stay. But if I think I don’t like it I’m welcome to come home anytime.” He then scratched his head and gave a cute, nervous laugh.

Why do you have to look so good, Theo? Anyhow, I thought wrong. This is no way a confession. I think.

“You see, me staying here this long is accomplishment enough for a wimp like me.”

“Who said you’re a wimp, Theo? Your still alive after venturing out the wall more than ten times! You’ve seen and killed titans! You always know what to do with injuries. It’s so wonderful how anyone who’s under your care survives.” I said, a little too enthusiastically. I guess I also praised him a little too much because looking at him now, he’s beet red. And I don’t know what the hell is up but everything he’s feeling is rubbing off of me. I can feel my cheeks heat up. Dang.

Flashing his perfect white teeth at me, he began talking. “Thank you. But you’re always there to save me anyway. Which is a little embarrassing, to be honest.”

“Ha, yeah right. Like I’m with you the whole time. Give yourself some credit, Theo.” Then I gave him a friendly pat on the arm. I admit, I’m touchy. I always pat people on their arms, shoulders and back. I also like to hold on their arms and give it a little squeeze cause I’m a little creep. Anyways, after saying this, I took another bite of my cookie.

“This is why I like you, Andi.” He said looking straight at me. Like?

“Pfft!. Wa….ter!”

“Oh my, here drink.”

What the hell? I choked on the cookie that I was eating when Theo said that he like me. Still coughing, I drank the water that he handed me. This is so embarrassing. Theo couldn’t hide the smile forming on his lips. Oh, you little bastard.

            “Hey! Stop laughing at me.”

            “Haha! I’m sorry. But your face was just so funn- er, adorable.”

            I just rolled my eyes at him and focused on my discarded, half-eaten cookie in front of me.

            “Before you choke to death, I’ll just go on and say it. Andi, I’m going back home to Mitras. And I’m hoping you’d go with me, as my wife.”

“Oh my god. It wasn’t just a confession! It’s a freaking marriage proposal! What is this? Saying that I’m shocked is an understatement. I don’t know what to say.

“I’ve always liked you, Andi. You’re not vain,”

Wrong.

“you’re strong,”

Wrong again, Theo!

“smart,”

If I were smart, I won’t be here beyond the walls.

“and very beautiful.”

Well, he’s not wrong there.

“I mean, I joined the Survey Corps to get closer to you.”

What do say in these kind of situation? “I, I don’t know what to say.”

“I understand if you can’t answer me right away. But, I hope you’ll think about this. I’m serious, Andi. Our life here is, well, difficult. You deserve more than this and I can give it to you.”

“Okay.”

“Okay? You mean, you’ll marry me?”


	13. My Hero … And The Day of Free Hugs, Apparently.

 

“No! I mean, Okay, I’ll think about it.”

“Oh.”

Ensue awkward silence. Crap. What to do? Do I say sorry? No. It would just make him think that I’m rejecting him, right? Or do I just pretend to choke on my cookie again as an ice breaker? As I contemplate any other ways, Theo finally broke the silence.

“It’s okay. I understand. It was selfish of me anyway.”

Whoa? What kind of drama is this? “No, you’re not being selfish. I mean, you’re not forcing me to marry you.” I said, not only to make him feel better but to make a point that he better not force me. He also better keep in mind that I have access to sharp blades and I know how to use them.

“Yes, but I haven’t really considered if you already have someone. Damn. I should’ve thought about it.” He said, turning scarlet and scratching his head. I can’t help but chuckle at this.

“Me? Have someone? Can you hear how crazy that sounds?” I asked whilst laughing. I’m not so sure how I even managed to say this while laughing so hard. As if I have time for romance.

“So there’s no one?”

“Nope.”

He then let a really loud sigh of relief. “Good. I’ve always thought that you and Erwin are… well, you know.”

Dumbfounded, I couldn’t say anything. I just have my mouth hanging open. Not you too, Theo. Why do people always think me and Erwin is something more? Can’t a guy and a girl just be friends?

“I’m sorry! It’s just that you two always seemed to be too close. I, uh. Let’s just forget I ever mentioned that.” He said, covering his face with his hands like a little kid.

“Yeah. Let’s keep it that way.”

“Well, I’ll be going then. Good night, Andi.”

He then took my hand and pressed his lips on it, the same way he did when we first met. And just like that, he left me alone with my thoughts.

 

***

When outside the walls, we have to rise especially early, like, before the sun rises. And we did just that. Despite this, we still ran into many titans.

“The sun’s been up for less than an hour, but titans are already running around! What the hell?” I yelled as I commanded Max (my horse, who is a total survivor), to run faster. I’m with my squad, Erwin at the front and Theo tagging behind. Theo is still a squad leader, but there still no squad for him to lead so he just tags along our team. I can say that Erwin isn’t happy about it.

Pieter, a fellow soldier under Erwin who’s been in the squad even before I got here, called out, “two titans approaching from the left! One fifteen meters, the other around ten meters tall!”

Great. It’s not even eight a.m. and we’re already in a war zone. The other squads and teams are busy fending off titans on their ends. We spent the morning just hacking away titan flesh.

By noon, uncle Keith gave the command to retreat. In a nutshell, this expedition is not as depressing as usual. Though the death toll is not far from before, we still managed to secure a new path. If we only had flashlights, we could’ve worked through the night.

Anyways, we are on our way back now, with the wagons as heavy as they were when we left. And it’s not because we somehow replenished our supplies, no.

Beyond the walled city, the landscape is boring. Just grass and trees. And it’s not even the lovely meadow view, like that from the Sound of Music or the Hobbit. There are trees scattered about, and random patches of woods. We have to be careful around these parts because sometimes titans just leap out of them.

We are passing one such patch of woods when a damn titan jumped out. One look, I could already tell it’s a deviant. How? You could just feel it; their posture is different, the air about them… just like how you could tell someone is a total weirdo. Anyways, it leapt out and grabbed someone who screamed her lungs out. Looking at the soldier closely, I realized that she’s one of the fresh grad who joined a few months ago. I don’t even know her name.

“Come on Max! Faster!” I urged my steed. I just have to grab that girl. The titan is crouching, with its arms outstretched and one hand holding the girl firmly. It’s crouching is to my advantage, since the trees aren’t tall enough to use the 3DMG comfortably. As I try my best to hurry up, I can hear my team’s voices around me. A couple more titans appeared, but I’m too focused on saving the girl to take note of how big they are.

Once I’m a within firing range, I pulled the trigger and fired my grappling hook to the titan’s hand. I pulled the trigger once more so it would pull me towards the hand. With my blades ready, I was pulled so fast that I chopped of the titan’s hands before I could scream mommy. The poor newbie seemed too shocked to move, so I fired my gear again, this time on a tree. I made sure to grab her as I was being pulled towards the tree.

I was able to save this one soldier, but those behind and around me? They just have to do it themselves. And I also didn’t kill the titan, crap. It’s an aberrant, too. I whistled, and Max came rushing to me. Before he got here though, the teary-mess of a soldier beside me squeaked a weak “thanks.” I just nodded.

When Max reached us, I helped her climb up. “Go to the thickest cluster of soldiers you see.” I then looked around and found the blonde head that I know so well. “Go there,” I pointed, “stick to Erwin.” She nodded and off we go towards different directions.

The deviant class titan was already regenerating its hands, whilst standing to its full height which I assume is around eight meters. He’s not that big. I ran and fired my gear, targeting its shoulder. Once I’m there on its shoulder, it turned its ugly head towards me in an attempt to bite me, but I jumped off and fired my gear to its nape. My slash was followed by a thud, and it began to evaporate.

You’d probably be saying right that I’m awesome and a hero – a savior even. But I say not. Turning around, blood was spilled all around. I could see at least two dead. I mean, I think those random limbs are from two different people, but I could be wrong. The girl I saved is still on Max, and they’re right beside Erwin whom is giving out commands to those near him.

I should really start calling Max. I’m a good distance from the squad, and I don’t have a horse. I can’t just waltz to where they are, I mean I’m near a wooded area which is not sounding so good. I waved around, and a pair of eyes locked on me. Theo’s eyes.

As he was gallantly riding his horse to me, loud thuds were getting closer. This is so not good. He’s still a couple of feet away when he screamed my name.

A big titan hand wrapped itself around me so tight I couldn’t breathe! What’s more, it was fucking pushing my 3D gear onto my legs. Great. I just might die here. Black spots started to appear on my vision, and boy was my life boring. Despite this, my need for air is making me struggle against the titan’s iron grip, but it didn’t help. It only made me need oxygen more.

But I suddenly fell, while still wrapped on the hand which opened and sizzled as it evaporated. Coughing as I catch my breath, I crawl out of the hand blindly.

“Andi!” A voice called, then a pair of strong arms wrapped around me. And after being wrapped by a fucking titan’s hands less than a minute ago, I find this bear hug extremely annoying and painful.

“Are you hurt? Andi?”

“Can’t … bre … athe …” I said, and he let go of me, letting me finally breathe. I actually recognized the voice and it was Theo’s. I turned, but all I saw was smoke as the titan which held me is now evaporating. Theo saved me. Wow. He’s killed a couple of titans before, but he wasn’t alone. He was always assisting someone – mostly just me. But this, he killed it by himself.

“Thank you.” I said, genuinely. He had a very serious expression, something I’ve never seen before on him.

“Andi!” Another voice screamed, accompanied by the pitter-patter of horses’ hooves. Erwin jumped off his horse and rushed onto us, his face full of concern. Before he could throw a barrage of questions though, I decided to finally speak up.

“I’m fine. Theo saved me.” I said, flashing a smile to my hero whose eyes never left me. “My gear’s busted, though.”

“I see.” Erwin muttered, his voice monotonous as his face darkened. Oh crap, he’s gonna scold me. He looks so mad right now. “You should be more careful.” He deadpanned, then he just turned and walked back to his horse.

I tried to stand up to remove my busted gear as it is totally useless now, but my legs felt like jelly. I almost fell if it wasn’t for Theo.

“Easy. Here, let me help you.”

Theo said as he scooped me up in a princess carry. What the hell is he thinking? We’re in a freaking battlefield!

“Whoa! I can walk, really.” He just laughed and kept walking towards his horse. From my position, I can clearly see the pink covering Theo’s cheeks and ears. God, this is awkward. He put me on his horse and he sat behind me. I gotta say, Theo seems so manly today. I’ve always seen him as a cute boy, but starting today, I think I’ll be seeing him as a man.

 

 ***

            We reached Shiganshina by sundown. I stayed with Theo since I can’t really walk – rather, Theo stayed with me. We tagged along the group of injured soldier who occupies the wagons. Some wagons are full of the injured, while some are of bodies.

Entering the gates, we were welcomed like heroes. Oh, I’m being sarcastic. The people are all complaining about how we waste their tax money and we’re basically just feeding the titans out there. They’re not wrong, still, I can’t believe soldiers are becoming titan food for them.

***

By the time we reached HQ, I can pretty much walk, albeit slowly. I was walking like a penguin, actually. It doesn’t feel like I’ve broken or sprained anything. Theo helped me up to my room, which was a tad annoying as he just kept on insisting that he should just carry me all the way.

“Ow.” I muttered as I struggled to remove my boots. Theo motioned to help me, but I won’t have it. “I’m okay, let me do it.”

“Alright.”

He sat down and watched as I struggled. After what felt like years, I finally got both boots off. It’s amazing how Theo is still here - amazing and weird.

“Are you gonna watch me change, too?”

His face turned an unhealthy shade of red – so red you’d think all of his blood went to his face – and stuttered, “no, I ah … I’ll go now.” Great. But instead of walking straight through the door, he came up to me and gave me another hug.

“I’ll see you in the morning. Goodnight, Andi.”

Wow. That was … sweet of him. The Theo I know is spoiled, and loved himself a little too much. But the Theo today? He’s so amazing. My eyes were still on the door long after Theo left. I admit, it felt good to be looked after. My chest felt heavy, but not in a bad way. It’s like the feeling you get when you see a video of a dog rescuing its best human buddy; a warm and fuzzy feeling. I know it’s not the best analogy, but it’s the only one on the top of my head.

            Putting a hand over my chest, I could feel my heart thumping fast. I … oh my god!

            “Snap out of it!” I uttered. Theo was just so fucking cool today; I shouldn’t attribute this to love. There is no way. As I mull this, a knock on my door saved me from my thoughts.

            “Come in.” I said, not even bothering to know who it was. “Erwin?” His face was still, scary. Before he could go on and scold me for the nth time about how I should also think of my safety, I stood up. “I’m fine, no broken bones. See? Please don’t be mad.”

            But he did what I expected the least. He pulled me closer, and soon I have my face buried to his chest.

            “Erwin?”

            “I’m not mad. I’m worried.”

            “But I’m fine now.”

            “Yes, but you have no idea. The titan was gripping you so hard, and you just stopped moving. I …” he then hugged me tighter and whispered, “ _I was scared._ ”

            There it goes again, the warm fuzzy feeling.

            Erwin who has always been so strong, who at times feel emotionally dead now seems so, vulnerable?

            I hugged him back, and I wanted to say sorry for making him worry. But what came out of my mouth was this; “Thank you.”

            I guess my reply surprised him because he let go of me and looked at my face.

            “I mean, I’m sorry for making you worry. But also, thank you, for thinking of me.”

            “You’re welcome.” He said, ruffling my hair with a smile on his face. Finally. He’s been such a sour puss all day! “I’ll leave you, so you can rest now.” He said, and without another word, he walked to my door. Before closing it, though, he looked at me and gave me another smile.

            I sighed loudly before I crashed onto my bed. I’m too tired to change, I’ll just do it tomorrow. Besides, I think I’ll be having a pretty nice dream tonight despite my near death experience. Hugs really do a lot to improve my mood.


	14. Six Feet and Under

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (AN: I am still alive! I won't bore you with my reasons so I'll just say thank you to everyone who reads this story! I've been crushed by the recent chapters of the manga because !*SPOILER*! Erwin might just say goodbye. Anyhow, please, please, please talk to me! I'm on tumblr [AndixxYukie] and comment please... Your feedback means a lot, especially now that Levi is here. Speaking of Levi, forgive me because I might go ooc in the future. I will write about my version of Levi, the same way I wrote about Erwin.., That's that... Please enjoy this chapter, I know it's overdue forgive me.)

“This place is so … dystopian.” I whispered to Erwin as we continued our stroll in what was known as the “underground city. It’s only been two days since the expedition where I almost died, yet we’re scouting this shady place already. Apparently, Erwin wants me to see for myself this “criminal” that we’re going to recruit tomorrow.

We donned some pitiful clothes – the kind even humble soldiers like us throw away. And it sadly helped us fit in. I still can’t believe that this is a literal underground city, I mean when I hear underground I mostly think of trains and shady deals.

Speaking of shadiness, this underground is exactly just like that – literally! There are just some scattered lamps which are dimly lit. You can’t get a ray of sunshine here. Looking around, everyone is almost paler than me. I guess they all have vitamin D deficiency. Oh, and vitamin S – as in sunlight! Badumtiss.

“Who are we looking for again?” I asked Erwin as we continue trudging through muddy streets. Instead of answering, he just looked at me for a bit, then continued his gaze forward. Ugh. He is so paranoid.

To be fair, though, you would be in a place like this. I mean, the streets are filled with people begging for food, and there are thugs in just about every alley. Even someone like me who has dealt with titans find this creepy.

“Well this is just depressing. How did you hear about that person anyway?” I asked, because seriously, Erwin, how? Do you like, roam these streets every once in a while? I looked at the man I’m with but found that there’s no one in front of me. The hell?

I turned a full circle looking for him, but I just can’t see him anywhere. The fuck? Is this some kind of Hansel and Gretel-ish thing? Erwin brought me here to lose me? No. I’m thinking too much. I’m sure I was just too engrossed with my surroundings and he was to focused on finding our target.

Taking deep breaths to combat the rising panic that I’m feeling, I decided to turn left. Because when lost, always go left. Or was it the right? I don’t know. Anyhow, I pressed on, significantly more alert now as I am scared as hell and am looking for Erwin. It’s too bad I don’t really have a sense of direction; I can’t tell anymore where the entrance is.

            I also get the feeling that I’m being watched. Street thugs are suddenly gathering all around, looking at me like I’m some kind of candy. I already said that I was wearing the kinds of clothes that I’d say aren’t even fit to be hand-me-downs, right? Sad thing, it still looked a little fabulous down here. What’s more, I’m a little too clean as well.

            It seems me and Erwin are not as smart as I think we are.

            I went on, power-walking, towards who-knows-where. The cluster of villain-y guys is getting thicker around me, and I have a feeling that something bad is about to happen. And was I right.

            “You seem lost, little kitten.” A creepy looking guy called out to me. I cringed at the way he referred to me as “kitten”, but victims can’t be choosy, can they? Now, I definitely know self defense. I am also carrying a dagger. This guy is with four other men, and they’re not big guys as they’re a bit skinny, so I could totally make a run for it. Though, I am unfamiliar with the area and am sure to be caught in a dead end somewhere.

            Also, I can’t exactly wave my dagger around and boast my soldier skills as that would only draw attention to me. What to do? Should I just scream “Erwin”?

            “Why don’t you just move along and bother someone else?”

Huh? It wasn’t just me who were surprised. The thugs around me focused on the one who spoke, who was apparently behind me. Curiosity got the best of me and I turned to look. It was a boy, well not a boy. It was a guy my age with dark, blonde hair with weird ass bangs that hung over his forehead dead center. It’s like a hair version of Aang’s head arrow.

            “If someone is to leave, it should be you. This is our territory, boy!” One of my tormentors said, but they seemed a bit too ready to run – and not to run and attack the stranger, but to run away from him. I rolled my eyes as I realized that these men surrounding me are not the hardcore thugs in this area. As they and the bangs guy stare each other down, I try to quietly walk away and continue my search for Erwin.

            Just when I thought I was completely out of the circle, a hand wrapped itself on my wrist and yanked me back. “Ouch! Let go!”

            “Don’t be in such a hurry to leave. We’ll kick that boy’s ass, then we’re gonna have fun.”

            Oh, fuck it. I don’t care anymore. I’ll cause a ruckus if that’s what it takes to get out of here. I was about to bitch-slap the hell out of this asshole but someone beat me to it. Yep, it was bangs dude. Too bad he’s a little dumb, because he went straight to the man who have an iron grip on my wrist. Why was it a dumb-dumb move? Well, the punch got him off balance and he fell over – dragging me with him to the ground.

            “Ungh!....” This is really not my day.

            “Get up. Come!” Bangs dude said, offering a hand to me. I guess he’s not a patient person, because he just grabbed my hand and dragged me off. The thug gang ran after us, yelling all the way. Bangs dude led me to a dark alley, and the thugs ran past it. When they were far enough that we couldn’t hear them anymore, bangs dude finally let go of my hand. I then tried to walk away – better get out of here as fast as I could.

            “Hey! You won’t even thank me?”

            “Uh … Thanks.”

            “Why are you in such a hurry? They might come back and see you. Why not stay and wait here?”

            “Right. For all I know you’re another thug. Might even be their leader. But yeah, thanks anyways.” I said coolly. Seriously, I should be thankful of this good Samaritan, however I’m underground. I can’t help but be suspicious of everyone. I turned to walk away, the guy behind me then just laughed his ass off.

            “Well, I can’t say that you’re wrong. But you can rest assured. I don’t bite.” He said, following me. Great.

            “Oh, sure you don’t. But I don’t really speak with strangers.” I said, trying to walk a little faster. Damn, Erwin. Where the hell are you?

            “The name’s Farlan. There, I’m no longer a stranger. What’s ‘yar name?”

            Yar? I turned to face him just so I could raise an eyebrow at him. Damn. Up close, he’s decent looking. Not exactly a jaw dropper, but not entirely unpleasant to the eyes either. But then there’s his hair, and the way he styled his bangs. Is this some kind of way to cover up premature balding?

            As I mentally judge him and pick apart his appearance, I seem to have forgotten that time flows whether I’m ready or not.

            “Heh. You’ve been staring for quite a while now. Like what you see that much?” He uttered smugly, walking a little closer to me. Finally snapping out of my judgement bubble, I answered in a thankfully composed manner.

            “No. I’m just wondering if the person who cuts your hair is still alive. That’s one heck of a grisly crime and should be punished by death.”

            “Hey! My hair’s fine!”

            “Okay. If you say so.” I then turned around to face the streets once more. I’m just hoping that I am going towards the stairs out of here. I’ll just go home on my own. I started walking but hesitated at an intersection. This looks so foreign!

            “Heh, you can ask me for directions you know. It’s pretty obvious that you’re not from here.”

            “I wonder what gave me away…” I muttered. Sigh. This is hopeless.

            “Well, for one you really don’t seem like the type who lives here. And you’re a little too clean. Also …”

            “Stop! I was being sarcastic.”

            “Alright, alright. So, what do I call you?”

            “Andi.” I deadpanned. I looked around for a last attempt to look for Erwin. No luck. I guess I have to go along with Farlan. Any funny business I’ll slit his throat – or scream Erwin.

            “Nice to meet you, Andi!” He said, as if we’re on our first day at school, where meeting people is a tad bit exciting. “So, why are you here exactly?”

            I was about to sass mouth him and tell him that it’s not the Spanish inquisition anymore so he should drop the questions. But obviously, I can’t do that. What did I tell him?

            “To tour… I mean, to observe you folks.” Okay, not the best response. I can feel my blood rush to face in embarrassment. Way to be cool, Andi. I can’t help but to facepalm.

            “Really? Let me be your guide then.” He said, offering me an arm.

            “You’re not surprised. Do people go down here often?”  I asked, still not making a move towards his arm.

            “Mostly curious rich kids like you.” He said, with a wink. Crap, is he planning to mug me?

            “Just so you know, I’m not rich.”

            “Sure you’re not.” Sassy, huh? Did I just found my match?

            “Ugh, let’s get on with this tour, okay?”

***

 

            There wasn’t much to see, really. There aren’t exactly an trees or flowers for a lovely park. There aren’t even any lakes or ponds. It’s just an ugly stretch of mud, dust, trash, ugly houses and people in the streets.

            But then he brought me to his “special place”. Now, don’t ask me why I let him take me to this so-called “special place”. During our “tour”, I found out that Farlan is actually a pretty decent guy.

            “Wow.” That was all I can say. It’s not exactly an expression of amazement, but it wasn’t a bad one either. It was a small “hill”, with some grass and wild flowers. And believe me when I say that the sky was beautiful. You heard that right – sky. There is a big hole in the ceiling that allowed us to look outside.

            “Aren’t you supposed to be used to that view?” Farlan asked.

             “I am, it’s just … different.”

            “Oh? I wouldn’t know.”

            “Why don’t you go up through here?”

            “Citizenship.”

            Right. The citizenship. It’s a really messy thing. I don’t know who uncle Keith killed (or paid – hopefully) to give me my papers. FYI, I do have papers. I am officially Andi Frost, from somewhere in Utopia District. Now, how that made me more legit is beyond me. Like, why on earth would I leave freaking UTOPIA for something hellish? But it works.

 

            Anyhow, we continued to stare up in silence. I can’t believe I took sunlight for granted. I really should be thankful for everything. I mean, that orange sky is just lovely. Hmm… Orange? Fuck!

            “What time is it?” I asked, panic mixed into my voice. It’s moments like this that I’m thankful no one here has ever heard of High School Musical, or else I just started a song number.

            “I’m not sure. But it’s sunset.”

            “Gee, thanks. I can see that.”

            “Relax, Andi. I’ll walk you to the “Grand Staircase.”

            Before we can move an inch though, someone approached us… okay, not someone. There were two of them, and Erwin wasn’t among them.

            “Here you are Farlan! We’ve been looking for you!” A girl yelled out enthusiastically.

 She is my height, and seems to be a couple of years younger than me. Green eyes, and reddish-brown hair in pigtails. With her was a man a couple of inches taller, and a stretch of years older. He looks like he’s in his late twenties, and his hair is a really dark black (well okay, I know there is no such thing as “dark black” or “light black”).

“Oh, who’s your friend?”

“This is Andi. Andi, these are Isabelle and Levi.”

Levi? That sounds familiar.


	15. My Big "Oh Shit!" Moment

 

Levi? My brain somehow made me think that the words _Levi_ and _Ass_ goes together. Why, oh why, you stupid brain?

 “What are you doing with a _tourist_?” The man called Levi asked Farlan, the word tourist laced with venom. Oh boy. He is not so friendly, if anything he’s a bit hostile.

“Nothing. Bye.” I said and walked off.

“Hey! Don’t leave! I know Levi seems scary, but he isn’t really.” The girl called Isabel said as she ran after me.

“She’s right Andi. Besides, I bet you won’t last a minute on your own without getting lost.” Farlan added. All the Levi guy added to the conversation was a very crisp “Tch.”.

He made a good point. But if I’m with them, how can I go and find Erwin? Could I trust them? No. I shouldn’t. What to do, then?

Ugh, fuck it. Why should I care about Erwin? I’ll have these folks walk me to the stairs and Erwin could look for me for as long as he wants. He could rot here for all I care.

“Okay, I won’t leave. I really can’t win against you Farlan, huh?” I said, inching farther from Levi and closer to Farlan. Levi gave the tinniest of sighs and continued to stare at me. He is so intense. I bet titans would crap their pants when they come face to face with this man – if they wear pants, or if they even have assholes.

“Great!” Isabel squealed and then skipped closer to me. “Are you from Mitras? Or Stohess?”

Oh crap. What do I tell her? Farlan wasn’t this curious so I didn’t have to spin a tall tale. I can’t tell them I’m a soldier.

“Mitras.” Please don’t ask anymore.

“You better stop, Isabel. She looks really uncomfortable about your asking.” Farlan butted in.

“Oh. Sorry Andi.” She said, but it’s obvious she’s not feeling sorry. More like, she’s feeling disappointed.

I just threw Farlan a thankful glance, which he returned with a smile. Gosh, he’s kind of … cute.

All this time, Levi was just observing us, and his staring at me is a bit unnerving.

“Can I help you?” I can’t stop myself from asking – nay, snarling at him. One of my pet peeves is being stared at. It’s uncomfortable and rude, and weird.

“You don’t sound like you’re from Mitras.” He commented. Shit.

I so wanted to ask him how he would know that, being someone who has never been up there. But I really don’t want to be suspicious and rude, so I answered; “whatever do you mean?” In the sweetest tone that I could muster. And it came out as fake as Kylie Jenner’s lips.

“Yeah, Levi? It’s not like you’ve ever met anyone from there.” Farlan added. Thank you very much. All Levi did was throw another “tch” and then looked elsewhere.

Okay, now what? This is beginning to be a little awkward.

“So...”, Farlan and I said at the same time. “oh…”.

“Ha, … You can go first.” He said, scratching his nape, cheeks dusted pink.

“No it’s okay. What was it you want to say?” This went on for bit, embarrassingly. We’re like two teenagers, really.

“Ehem, … What do you say we get something to eat?” Isabel thankfully suggested. And off we go. Where you ask? A musty old tavern.

            The whole underground is dark, just imagine how dark indoors are. I mean, there are candles and lamps, but as a top-soil dweller it’s really dim for me. The bar wasn’t full. An old, pudgy man was behind the counter. I can see a pattern here; those who are of the merchant class are the only ones with extra meat on their bones. The typical underground dweller is mostly skinny – and pale. I can’t help but notice some people even limping.

 

            I can’t help but look around in semi-disgust at the tavern, it’s like it’s Halloween with all the cobwebs and candles. I can’t believe this place is getting business. Is it not enough that they’re situated at what’s considered to be the poorest district that they have to keep it dirty, too?

            “Uhm, I know this is nothing to what you might be used to, but food here is amazing.” Farlan uttered beside me. Crap! Why do I have to be so rude?

            “No, it’s great. I always like trying new things.” I replied as we walked towards a rather dusty, wooden table. I sat beside Isabel and across Farlan.

            I can’t help but notice a similar look of disgust on Levi’s face. Also, he’s really … tidy. His clothes look washed and taken care of, and he seemed groomed enough. By far, these three are on the clean side, well Isabel a little more on the unkempt side.  

            We ordered some broth. A greasy, mystery meat-based broth. I hope it’s the kind of meat I eat, though – because that’s almost just what’s in the menu. I don’t mean like it’s the only listed one on the menu because there are other things as well; like baked potato, potato soup and boiled egg. However, all the other stuff is crossed out. I don’t know if it’s because they ran out of ingredients or discontinued it because no one would order those ridiculously priced stuff.

            And yes, there was a menu – some kind of chalkboard behind the bar.

Also, I can’t believe how expensive an apple is, down here. It’s like living in “The Hunger Games” universe where Katniss was delighted with a really small dinner roll.

            We were talking idly, which Levi didn’t bother to contribute to, but then I ruined the mood.

            “So, what do you guys do? For a living?” Great, Andi. What would you reply when they ask you that?

At my question, the three of them exchanged looks, like really heavy and meaningful ones.

            “We, … well, we are freelancers.” Farlan answered with a smile. Like I’m buying that crap.

            My eyebrow reached my hairline, which prompted Isabel to take the wheel and tell me more about their “freelance job”.

            “We’re heroes.”

            “Heroes?”

            “Yeah. We prevent those merchants from ruining themselves more.”

            “Huh?”

“Well, you see they’re fattening themselves and it’s not really healthy.” She said in a matter-of-factly tone. Like that’s clear enough.

“What, you give them exercise classes?”

“Kinda, yes. There’s lots of running.” It was Farlan this time who answered.

I don’t think I’m gonna get a straight answer from them so decided to let it go and we just went on and talk about the stars and other heavenly bodies they can’t see down here. And then realization hit me like a big, yellow school bus.

Levi Strauss. The best thing that has ever held my ass. That’s why Levi sounds so familiar. Oh god, how I miss wearing Jeans. I know! I should _invent_ denim here and be the Levi Strauss of this world.

But at the back of my mind I know that that is not the only Levi I know. There is something else I’m forgetting.

“Tch. You don’t have to eat it if you don’t like it.”

I snapped out of my daydream of skinny jeans and denim and turned to look at the source of that very _friendly_ statement. Farlan was about to say something but I cut him off. Great, rudeness overload today, eh, Andi?

“Uhuh, but I actually quite like it.” I deadpanned, and as expected the three of them were unconvinced.

****

After dinner (broth drinking marathon, rather), Isabel and Levi said goodbye and went off to do some errands, much to my relief. For some reason, Levi seemed to be really annoyed by my presence. I was left alone with Farlan, which I didn’t mind at all.

“Hope the broth lived up to your taste buds.” He uttered, as we make our way to the stairs.

“Yeah, it was alright. It was warm, at least.” Great, a dead-end in the conversation. “And, uh tasty. What kind of broth was it?”

“Oh, cat broth.”

            What? I can feel my stomach turning at what he said. This is just so wrong. I think I’m quite obvious because he suddenly took back his statement.

            “I was joking! It was beef mixed with pork. I think.”

            “You think? Oh man.”

            “Seriously, Andi it’s not a cat. I promise.”

            Right. I forgot I’m underground. I feel like I’m gonna be sick. But seriously, some mystery-meat should be fine. I’ve seen gross things, that should’ve numbed me. But then again, I didn’t eat them… Ugh!! Dangerous territory! I should stop before I decorate the street with my meals for the day.

            After that uncomfortable conversation, we stayed quiet whilst walking. I caught myself looking around several times, as if hoping to find Erwin. Well, alright, I am hoping to see him. But not because I miss him or anything. Hmm, looking around, I began to notice the fat-ass merchants barking orders to their skinny workers.

            “So Farlan, about your job.”

            “What about it?”

            “Whatever you’re doing doesn’t seem to be quite effective. Merchants are still bouncing around – literally.”

            “Oh, hah, I guess our routines aren’t that effective.”

            “You’re still going on about that training stuff?”

 Instead of answering, he asked me a question, “what about you? What do you do for a living?” He then smacked his forehead, scaring the bejeezus out of me. “I forgot, you’re from Mitras. Probably a daughter of a Lord or some noble man, huh? I can’t believe we brought you to Miller’s Tavern.”

“No, that’s alright. I’m not …” Do I tell him? Whatever, after tomorrow, I’m free to do whatever I want here in the underground. “I’m not from Mitras.” Boy, imagine his surprise.

            During this chatter, we actually reached the base of the stairs, which obviously cut our time short. “Well, this is me. Let’s talk more about your job next time. I promise I’ll tell about my job then.”

            Fuck! Really, Andi? Next time? Next time you better think before you speak! Now I look so forward, and inconsiderate. I mean, I barely knew the guy and here I am setting up to meet – when I’m supposed to be working too! What’s wrong with me?

            Arghh!!! Why do I even care about his impression of me? Seriously, Andi, get it together!

            I guess this internal conflict was a tad obvious, because next thing I know is Farlan consoling me. And it doesn’t sound like he pities me; more like embarrassed. Second hand embarrassment? Terrific.

            “I was actually thinking of, uh, that.” He then shook his head, seemingly shaking off the embarrassment and he gave me a smile, continuing; “I’d love to see you again.”

            And just like that, whatever internal conflict of mine disappeared. Yeah, I’ll definitely see you again.

 

            “ _Andi_!”

            My name shot through the air. That voice! I turned towards the source and lo and behold, my commander was standing at the stairs, almost halfway up. Don’t tell me he’s about to leave?

            “Who’s that?” Farlan asked, squinting his eyes at Erwin’s figure.

            “Uh, he’s a friend. He’s like my brother. I need to go.”

            “Alright. We’ll be seeing each other soon, anyway.”

            I began my climb, but then it struck me. “How will you know I’m here?” Seriously, someone should invent a phone already – a cellphone. (I should probably bug Hange about it later.) I can’t exactly just text or call him when I’m here.

            “Trade secret.” He said with a grin, to which I just raised my eyebrow, for probably the hundredth-time today.

“Oh, relax Andi. After all, I did find you today.” He then flashed me a smile, threw in a wink, then turned and waved as he walked away. Oh you little flirt.

All the while that was happening, Erwin was just glaring at me from where he stands. For real? It’s not like I ditched him to dilly-dally with some boy.

I started my way up, and instead of waiting for me like he’s supposed to – or, well, as I expect him to – Erwin continued up as well. Unbelievable. We were almost at the final landing when I lost it.

“I’m tired!” I yell at him. What’s gotten into me? Nothing, I’m just tired. And I’ve been walking all day! And well, you’re right. It isn’t nothing. I am so mad at Erwin for leaving me! I mean, sure he might not have done it in purpose but every turn of my head I expected him to be there. What I didn’t expect, however, was to see him halfway up without me. Sure I planned to do that, but well, I’m the first timer here!

I stopped climbing right when I yelled, and he just continued to glare at me the whole time. Ugh. I sat on the step. Let’s see what he’ll do. If in five minutes I turn and he left me again, I swear I’ll never speak with him again.

****

Four minutes passed, and honestly, as mad as I am I still want Erwin to be there when I turned. I’ll not just be mad if he’s gone.  I mean, I’m serious about not speaking to him but at the same time I don’t think I could do that. This is Erwin we’re talking about. My very first friend here. And, well, he means a lot to me.

But I can’t prolong my agony now, can I? And I have to leave, eventually.  I braced myself and turned my head. Erwin wasn’t where he was.

He was right beside me. Well, he was sitting, so I’m face to face with knees. Both of us are sitting at the steps. I didn’t even hear him walk towards me. I guess my internal monologue was too loud for me to hear anything from the outside – if that’s even possible.

           “Andi.” He said softly, face scrunched up. “Don’t leave my side again.” He said calmly, but full of emotion. Though I can’t tell if he was worried, or annoyed or even scared. Or maybe, all of those at once?

            I decided to rest my forehead on his knee – I’m not quite ready to see his face.

 “Don’t leave your side? I won’t have to because you’re the one who’ll leave me.” I whispered.

Resting his big hand at the top of my head, he answered gently – as if he was talking to a little child.

“I’m sorry. I thought you were behind me.” A very audible sigh escaped his lips. “It won’t happen again.”

I was so tempted to sass him and say that it definitely won’t as I’ll never go somewhere with him, but I decided against it because I’m a good person (but mainly because I’m too tired to do so.)

There are a lot of possible responses to what he said, like _okay_ , or _it’s fine._ Even _fuck you!_ seems appropriate, but as I said I am a really good person, so I just repeated what I said earlier; “I’m tired.”

“Do you want me to carry you?”

I can’t help but laugh at that. We’d look ridiculous. I finally stood up, towering over him for the very first time, “nah. Come on.”

****

Our walk up was quiet. I’m too tired to initiate any conversation, and I don’t really feel like telling Erwin about what happened today. Seems like we wasted this day…

“Oh! Did you find the target?” I seriously forgot about why we went here in the first place.

“No.” He let a long sigh escape before he continued, “I was looking for you.”

“Oh.” I let that sink in. It was my turn to sigh. “I can’t really stay mad at you, huh? I almost believed that you abandoned me here.”

Erwin’s face was a funny mix of guilt and disgust. He was literally scandalized that I would ever think that he left me on purpose. He tried to reply, but all that came out were a rush of “I’m sorry!”, “I wasn’t going to leave you!” and other similar sentences.

I laughed, wholeheartedly. “It’s alright. Water under the bridge.” Huh, I seriously have forgiven him. I can’t wipe off the smile on my face.

***

That night, the rest of the team arrived and we finalized our plan.

 “The official number of this gang is unclear, however the leader moves around with two people almost all the time. Needless to say, they’re the best ones.”

Erwin said in his commander tone. Right, he would totally be a great commander someday. Not that I want uncle Keith to kick the bucket! No way.

He looked around us before continuing, “These three are smart, and news is they have their hands on 3DM gears. Probably sold to the market by corrupt troops from the inner districts. But that’s not what matters. We shouldn’t underestimate them. And I said, they’re smart. They would probably separate when they notice us.”

He again looked around, but none of us asked him any questions so he continued once more.

“Now, there are three of them, two underlings and of course, the leader. Lissa and Richard, you will go after each of the underlings. Mike, you’ll wait in ambush here,” he then pointed on a map of the underground laid on the table, “Andi, you wait here. I’ll go after the leader. Now if my assumptions are correct, the leader would encounter you Mike. When that happens, Andi and I will rush in to ensure his capture. Any questions?”

There weren’t really any questions regarding the plan, but Richard and Lissa talked about how they’re gonna decide who goes after who.

I spoke up when a thought occurred to me, “Hold on Erwin. Was this leader really that strong? You assigned the three of us after him. I mean, yeah ambush and whatnot but you said if one of us in engaging him, we rush in. So how dangerous is he, really?”

This seem to catch the attention of the others as well, because you could feel our anticipation at Erwin’s answer.

He took a moment before he began, “Unfortunately, I wasn’t personally able to see what he’s capable of. But a credible source informed me that they are quite fast on 3DM gear – much better than most military police, actually. Also, the leader had a rather violent past. Suspects in a couple of murders. The three of us against him is just a precaution.”

He then gave us a smile, and soon after the meeting was adjourned.

We are staying at a small house on the outskirts of Mitras. Since it was small, it meant I had to share my room with Lissa. She wasn’t bad – I just don’t really know her. She’s from Flagon’s squad and I heard she’s quite good.

Anyways, I laid down that night with a lot on my mind. Tomorrow I’ll be back once again underground. These thugs are actually dangerous and they might already be aware that we’re coming. And yes, we’re fearless soldiers who has looked titans in the eye, but these are people! These are intelligent human beings! So, yes I am nervous. Huh, I hope I’ll get to stay though. I smiled to myself. I’m looking forward to see Farlan again.

***

The merchant’s district is where our targets would probably make their appearance. Erwin and the others are on standby over there. Mike is waiting a couple blocks away, me waiting a couple of buildings away from him. From where I am, I could keep an eye on Mike’s area, but if Erwin failed to lead the leader towards Mike, I won’t be able to help unless I abandon my position.

It was almost lunch time when the lazy humdrum of the place was broken by barrels dropping and rolling, and several people yelling. Also, the unmistakable zip of 3DM gear can be heard – almost echoing all around the underground.

“This is it.” I saw the hooded figures of my companions above building several feet away from me. Alright, three people just as Erwin said. And look, they did go their own ways.

My hands are tight on my trigger, ready to spring into action. I lost sight of everyone aside from Mike, but I assume all is well since Mike just jumped off. Time to join in the fun.

I run and jumped across several buildings before I reached Mike and the leader locked in a fight. I’m on the building above them and I can’t stop myself from getting excited. It’s my time to make a super hero landing! Kind of, because doing the exact superhero landing would bust my knees.   
            I dropped down, so did my hood. I drew my blades and blocked the knife of the thug which I now have a perfectly clear and close view of.

“Levi?” Oh my god. We were both struggling blocking each other’s blades, which seems to be keen on landing on our necks, when realization also hits him. We continued to struggle until Erwin appeared behind me and spoke, “Stop it. Take a look around you.”

Richard and Lissa appeared on cue holding onto two people I know.

“Let me go… you bastard!” Isabel yelled. “Damn it!” She finished with a kick.

Beside her was Farlan. Who was relatively calm until he saw us.

“Levi!” He yelled, then his eyes landed on me. Me, whose blade is against Levi’s throat. Me, who’s wearing the _wings of freedom_.

“Andi?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this took so long. I'll be uploading the next one a little quicker to make up for it :).  
> Thanks for reading!


	16. Maybe It Was The Cat Broth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: Hi there! Sorry I've been away for a looooong time. Summer was really busy. Anyways, who reads the manga? Chapter 84 is so heartbreaking. For anyone else who are like me - totally sad, heartbroken and angry at the turn of events - this chapter contains some fluffy scenes with commander handsome. Next few chapters would be really interesting as they would actually contain *smut*. Yikes, I'm nervous about writing that. So I noticed how I've built a harem around Andi. LOL. Maybe I should get rid of a few. What do you think? Please comment, and share with your friends who's also into SNK =] Thank you for reading!)

Oh shit. That was the only proper thing to say at that very moment. I had to remind myself that I’m a damn soldier and I need to keep it together. But at the same time, every strand of my being is fighting to scream at Farlan that I could explain.

But could I really? What am I even gonna say if he decided to listen?

_Oh Hi Farlan! It’s me, Andi, from yesterday. Surprise! I’m a soldier! Not just any soldier – a Survey Corps member! Your cat broth joke yesterday sucked because I eat Titans for lunch. And yes, it might look like I’m trying to kill your friend but I’m actually just going to recruit him, so he would join me in my fight against Titans! Which would probably kill him. So, yeah._

Not gonna happen. And seriously, his gaze … It’s heartbreaking. He looks betrayed, and it’s really crushing me because I’m the cause of it. Isabel beside him turned her attention to me as well and for once she was silent. But it was short-lived.

“You! What in the – Traitor!” She yelled with all her strength while poor Lissa tries her best to keep her hold on Isabel.

“I can ex – “I started, but it came out as a whisper which only Levi heard - but Levi dropped his blade; he surrendered.

I let go of his wrists and moved backwards, and Erwin spoke up, “you’re quick at reading the situation.” To which Levi just gave him the glare I suffered through yesterday.

I switched my attention to Farlan and he’s still looking at me. I can’t help but to break out in cold sweat – I feel like I’ve been caught doing something terrible. I don’t really understand; why do I feel so guilty when I didn’t even do anything wrong?

Why, yes I had my blade against Levi’s throat but it was mutual. So yeah, hardly any fault from my side. Besides I didn’t even know they were our targets.

The rest of the team began to assemble the trio, while Erwin and I stood motionless. They even had the thugs kneel, with their hands tied behind their backs.

Farlan’s eyes never left mine while all this transpire. As much as I wanted to pull my hood up again and hide behind Erwin, I can’t help but stare back.

“I’ll ask a few questions.” Erwin said, then he raised the confiscated 3DM gear and continued, “where did you get this?”

No answer from the three. The three looked like they’re undergoing very different events. Farlan wo looks still at me, disappointment on his face. Isabel whose attention is also on me but with a look of rage. And Levi, whose face is covered by his raven hair.

“You guys are skilled with 3D Maneuver Gear.” Erwin stated, unfazed by his nonresponding audience. “Who taught you all that?”

Still no answer.

I guess by now Erwin is getting a little impatient because he decided to move closer to the trio.

“You’re their leader, right?” He asked, addressing Levi. “Were you trained in the military?”

Just when Levi finally looked up to give Erwin his very intense glare, Mike’s hand came out of nowhere! He grasped Levi’s hair and dragged him to the muddy ground, face first.

“Hey!” I wasn’t able to stop myself, I almost ran to stop Mike if Erwin didn’t hold me back and gave me an equally intimidating glare. Shocked? Yes. This is the first time I ever saw my colleagues deal with humans.

Even though we’re soldiers, we kill monsters – not humans. So this rough treatment shocked me a bit. But I guess sparring sessions should have prepared me for this.

“You-!!” Isabel shrieked, her face surprised. She and Farlan both turned to look at Mike and Levi, and looking at them I can’t see fear. Amazing, really. Here we are, five armed soldiers surrounding them, who’re on their knees with their hands tied behind them, yet they project rage and a bit of disgust.

From his position on the puddle, Levi turned his head to look at Erwin. And boy, if looks could kill I bet we’d be digging Erwin’s grave now. (On a side note, the way Levi turned his head is almost acrobatic! If this was happening in a very different mood, I would have been laughing my ass off now.)

“I’ll ask one more time. Where did you learn to use the 3D Maneuver Gear?” Erwin asked, and it was Farlan who answered.

“Not from anyone! We learned it ourselves!”

Whoa. They were better than most military police, yet they were self-taught? Remarkable and, honestly, seems impossible. Well, not impossible because obviously, the proof’s right in front of me. But nonetheless, really hard to believe.

I’m guessing my team is surprised by this as well.

Erwin went on to express his doubt. “Self-taught, you say? I don’t buy it.”

“It’s just so we’re able to rise even a bit in this dirty, garbage place!” Farlan answered in a very unfriendly tone, and to my surprise, he turned to me before continuing, “people who’re used to sunlight like you guys won’t understand!”

Perfect. It seems he’d moved on from disappointment to rage now. And at me. What did I even do to him? I guess I’ll never understand, being someone who’s used to sunlight. And yes, I know he didn’t mean it that way.

 “That’s enough! Let Levi go!” Isabel protested. “Don’t be cocky just because you are soldiers!”

To my surprise, Erwin complied and signaled Mike to at least let Levi sit back up, instead of letting him marinate in muddy water.

Erwin knelt down in front of Levi and finally introduced himself. “My name is Erwin Smith. And yours is?”

            “Levi.”

            “Levi… Why don’t we make a deal?”

            “A deal?”

            “I will let your crimes go unpunished. In return, lend me your strength. Join the Survey Corps.”

            “And if I refuse?”

            “The Military Police will have you. Considering all of your crimes,” Erwin then stood up for probably dramatic effect and to intimidate Levi before continuing, “you and your friends, won’t be treated very nicely. Choose whichever you prefer.”

            Damn. Erwin knows just where to hit.

            “Fine. I’ll join the Survey Corps.”

            That was easy. I honestly thought he’d put up a fight, but I guess Levi do care about Farlan and Isabel.

            “Perfect. Let’s go.” Erwin commanded. Mike and the rest are responsible to bring Farlan and the others up, and they’re taking their sweet time walking. Erwin and I are ahead a couple of feet.

 

            “You know them.” Erwin said. It was a statement and not a question, yet I’m pretty sure he wants to know why.

            “Not really. I just met them when I got lost yesterday.”

            “I see. But you didn’t tell me you met our target during our meeting.” He accused, looking down at me.

            “Wait, what? How would I even know they’re our target?”

            He sighed, and looked at me like I’m some hopeless case.

            “I told you our target was called Levi.”

            “You did? I don’t remember.” Really, but at the back of my mind I know Erwin must be telling the truth. I knew that I’ve heard Levi’s name before and I only assumed it was the jeans. Erwin must have told me and it just slipped my mind. Classic Andi.

            “Meh. Like that matters. For all we know every other man down here is called Levi.”

            “Fair enough. But you still didn’t tell me that you met people.”

            “Do I have to? You saw Farlan walk me to the stairs yesterday!”

            Instead of answering, Erwin rolled his eyes like some moody teenager. Uh? He’s acting as if it’s really obvious – why I have to tell him everything that happened to me yesterday. I don’t really see why. Besides, what’s done is done. I hate crying over spilled milk.

            I then did the most mature thing I could think of doing right then – I ran for the exit.          

 

***

 

            I honestly think that I am so stupid. Being stubborn, I decided to run all the way to the carriages awaiting us in the land above, and it was a really long run. I almost passed out twice – both at the stairs – but I’m really paranoid about Erwin catching up to me so I just continued running.

            Somehow, all these events just left me feeling guilty. Confused a bit, but mostly just guilty. Guilty that I didn’t tell Farlan and company that I am a Survey Corps soldier. Guilty that I didn’t tell Erwin about meeting a guy who was really attractive. And meeting said cutie’s friends as well. And I don’t even know why I feel guilty! Apparently, my only solution about this guilt is to run away from affected parties and hide from their sight.

            But obviously, this won’t do. I mean, I’m an adult and I have to _adult_. I’ll just do my job for now.

            Anyways, I’m by the carriages right now. We have two on standby – one for the team, one for the _prisoners_ \-  recruits I mean. Huh, why did Erwin want this bunch to join us is still a mystery. He probably told me before, but hey, they really were good. And Levi was seriously strong. I was lucky he was only holding a pocket knife. I’m sure once he gets this standard issue blades he’ll be a killing machine. Still a little rough, but with lots of potential.

            That reminds me, I’d have to return this pocket knife to Levi. But would that be smart?

            “Andi, you’ll ride with the recruits. Richard will drive you.” Erwin said right at the moment he got close enough to me. I was so deep in thought about that stupid pocket knife that I didn’t even noticed them arriving. Too much for being a titan slayer.

            “I don’t really think that’s a good idea.” I whispered to Erwin. Honestly, did he not see how these three despised me down there? How I was even branded a traitor?

            Erwin just gave me _the_ look. I decided to just do this. I already made a scene earlier when I dashed off like Road Runner, and that meets my daily quota of diva moments. Besides, I wouldn’t want to be seen by the newbies as such a drama queen – which I am not, by the way. Okay, I contradicted myself there but that’s beside the point.

            I’ll be suffering a forty-five-minute ride to the pier in awkward silence (hopefully), or in awkward conversation.

            Mike and the rest appeared behind Erwin, and they shoved the recruits into the carriage. Uh, great. I’ll be sitting beside Levi, with Farlan in front of me. This is gonna be a long forty-five minutes.

***

            I sat beside Levi feeling super conscious. Good thing Farlan and Isabel were both looking out the window. Levi, on the other hand seems to be looking at the floor. I’m not really sure, his hair is covering his eyes. For all I know he’s asleep. First time above ground and he spend it sleeping? Wow. I sighed and turned to look outside as well.

            The underground exit was located at Stohess, the outer lying city of wall Sina. It’s quite close to Mitras where Theo’s from. Anyhow, we are passing a rather classy market place when Farlan decided to break the silence.

            “A soldier? Really?” The three of us snapped our heads to him, all in varying degrees of surprise. I’d say, I’m the most surprised.

            “It took you thirty minutes to realize I’m a soldier?” I asked. Damn! This is no way to make peace, Andi!

            Farlan took offense. Of course he would.

            “I guess you were scouting yesterday, then. For us.”

            “Yes. But I wasn’t aware we were looking for the three of you.”

            “You said you were scouting for us, but you didn’t know it was us? What are you talking about?!”  It was Isabel who asked this time.

            “I got lost! And I kind of forgot the name of the target. Heck, I don’t even remember Erwin telling me.” I admitted.

 

            They all looked at me in varying degrees of doubt. I was kinda hoping they’d be amused with how incompetent I was, but I guess they’re not buying it. Fifteen more minutes of this hell.

            “You must be a really bad soldier, if what you said is true.” Farlan commented, face unreadable.

            “Uhh, I guess? I mean, for one I have a really poor sense of direction. It’s a feat I got to the carriages earlier, really.”

            Farlan finally smiled a bit. A really small upside-turn of his lips, really, but still … nice.

            “How long have you been a soldier?” Inquired Isabel. Yes, the mood is 50 shades lighter now.

            “Just a year.” Both Farlan and Isabel just gave quiet _oh_ s and continued to look outside. We’re still by the market stalls where it’s busy. Ah, we’re almost at the pier. Wonderful.

 

***

            I should call on to every god and thank them for a not-so-awkward ride with Farlan and the other two. I honestly thought I would have to take the reins from Richard, just so I could be away from the three. But I guess luck’s on my side today.

            We enter the boat, the three _new recruits_ surrounded. So for anyone seeing us, despite them not being cuffed or anything, would say we’re escorting prisoners. Which is half right, really.

            I don’t know what Erwin was thinking but he assigned me to take the three to their cabin and stay with them. He even sarcastically called them my friends. So he literally told me to “go stay with your friends”, while he and the others do some shit.

            I guided them quietly to the cabin. It’s got two, double-deckers, a tiny table with two chairs, a dresser and a desk. Clearly it was a family room. Ugh. Do I stay here with them till we get back to wall Maria? I’ll ask Erwin later.

            “Tsk. Escorting us like criminals.” Levi commented out of the blue when I opened the door. Really? Both Farlan and Isabel turned to look at me, waiting for my response, obviously.

            “Be thankful you weren’t in handcuffs. When I was recruited, I was hand-cuffed. I even thought Erwin was gonna kill me.”

            Now all three are looking at me as if I said something scandalous.

            “Wait, you were in handcuffs? What?” Isabel inquired. Gah! I shouldn’t have told them this. But somehow I felt relieved. I might as well continue.

            “Like I said, I’m not from Mitras.” I answered, vaguely. Come to think of it, I only told Farlan this. Whatever. “Make yourselves at home. I’ll get some food.”

            I hurriedly excuse myself. Now, unless they somehow taught themselves how to swim underground, there’s no way for them to escape. Besides, the threat of not having citizenship is insurance enough that they’d stay.

            ***

            Grabbing three portions of bread and three flasks of water, I made my way back to the cabin. It seems the rest are in a meeting. Without me, uhh. Just as I was walking, a door opened and out came the team. Lissa nodded, acknowledging me. She was followed by Richard and Mike.  So Erwin’s probably in there.

            I went inside and my squad leader was there.

            “You weren’t at the meeting.” He stated the moment he saw me.

            “Uhh? I brought our _recruits_ (using my fingers as punctuation marks to emphasize the ridiculousness of the word recruits) to their rooms. You told me to do so, remember?”

            His face was a mask void of emotion, and it seems like he didn’t hear me because he went back to focusing on some papers in front of him.

            I sighed exaggeratedly and moved across the room. Sitting on his table, I attempted to have him actually talk to me.

            “What did I miss?”

            It was his turn to sigh, apparently. And with that, he looked at me, finally ditching those papers he’s holding.

            “Nothing important.”

            Silence. Again. This is weird. Erwin is being really weird.

            “Are you mad at me?” There, I said it. Ever since he found out I’m acquainted with Levi and company, he’s been cold and weird towards me. Though it’s only been hours since then, but it’s just so unusual.

            “No.” he answered plainly. Like that’s believable. Honestly, to all you guys who says girls are confusing as fuck, well you’re wrong! Boys can have their days of being bitchy. I hate this. I feel really guilty and his coldness towards me isn’t helping.

            “I’m sorry. For forgetting about who our target was, and not telling you I met people. I was, well I was mad at you. I really thought you left me in that crappy place.” Oh no, I think I’m gonna cry… Stop it Andi!

            But I couldn’t, so I continued pouring my heart out. “Please don’t be mad … don’t be like that.” I said, and the waterworks began. I covered my face in embarrassment. Really, why am I being such a baby right now?

            I heard the scraping of his chair on the floor and felt him stand up. Great, now he’ll leave me? But I was wrong.

            He wrapped his arms around me and rest his chin on my head. He laughed so soft that I didn’t hear it – rather I felt it since my face was pressed up on his chest.

            “I am not mad at you, Andi. I understand that I can really be boring, so I don’t blame you for forgetting things I tell you.”

            “Heh.” One minute he’d only talk to me in less than five words, but now he has me laughing and crying in his arms. Erwin really is something else.

            “Also, sorry about losing you. You have no idea how worried I was when I couldn’t find you.”

            “Yeah?” I asked. If I remember correctly, he was about to leave me behind.

            “I was. Though, I know seeing me by the stairs must’ve given you the wrong impression. I know you’re smart and resourceful. After just aimlessly walking around, I decided the best way to find you was to wait for you by the exit. But clearly that really didn’t work out well. You have a really bad sense of direction.”

            “Uhh!” I pushed him away so I’d be able to look him in the eye. “Are you comforting me or insulting me?”

            He feigned a look of hurt, as if insulted that I’d see his comforting as anything else. “I am merely stating a fact. Next time we scout, I better hold your hand so you won’t get lost.”

            “What?”

            “What?”

            This is too much, just too much for me to handle. Hold my hand? I can feel the heat creeping up from my neck to my ears, and Erwin suddenly had a deer-in-the-headlights look, finally realizing what was implied by what he said. He was soon sporting the same red face I surely am. I looked down at my hands and he took five steps away from me.

            Awkward. Very awkward. Why is this always happening? I cleared my throat, and decided to break the ice with a thing I’ve been wondering about since we got onboard.

            “So, uh, where will I be sleeping tonight?” I asked, and boy was his face full of surprise. And then it hit me. That really wasn’t a good question in this situation.

            “No! I mean … Will I be staying with Isabel? Or Lissa? You know, like do I get my own cabin?”

            “Y-yes! Of course that’s what you meant. You have your own cabin. Mine…” I can feel my eyes go round, literally. “I meant, right beside mine. Goodness.” He said.

            “Good. Uh. Nice talk. I’ll just drop these off. Bye.” I said, finally leaving the hall of awkwardness and tension.

            I rushed out to the hallway, and all I’ve done so far was walk the distance from the desk to the door, close the door and take five steps away from it but my heart is pounding like crazy.

            What was that about? What has gotten into me? It was probably the cat broth. Uhh.


	17. Touching Clouds ... And Other Things

      “Wake up, wake up! You lazy head!” Uhh. Nanaba.

_After a little more than two days, we’re back at HQ without a hitch. Ah, yes long travel time. Which I spent pretty much by cooping up inside my cabin, reading and sleeping. Seeing the ninja turtles (Farlan and company) every mealtime._

_Anyways, when we got back Farlan, Levi and Isabel was introduced and sorted into Flagon’s house. Sorry, they were assigned to Flagon’s squad. Which is not surprising since he almost always gets the new recruits._

      “Shut up!” I yelled as I left the comfort of my bed and opened the door.

      “What?” I said, followed by a yawn. It must be five am.

      “Training!” She said, making her way into my bedroom.

      “Right. Let me just get ready.” Good thing I have a bathroom attached.

***

      It’s the trio’s first day of training. But I expect it will be more of testing what they can already do, and just reinforce them. I mean, their 3DM skills alone are better than most newbies.

      And before anything, they were summoned to uncle Keith’s office. I was there too because, well I’m curious what he needs with them. When I got there though, Farlan was holding his head in agony! I was about to question everyone when I saw for myself what the hell was up.

      After staring Isabel down, uncle Keith suddenly brought his head in for a skull bash!

      “Gah!” Isabel shouted in pain, and soon joined Farlan in his pathetic state. Uh, what kind of a dumb initiation is this? Levi was next.

      Levi, interesting. Let’s see what will happen.

***

      “I’m telling you! That tiny man will be a big help. I can sense it, he’s strong.”

      “Tiny man?” I asked, stopping myself from going on a laughing fit. Nanaba sure has strong opinions about _tiny-man_ Levi. “Dude, he’s like, what, a head taller than me? If he’s a tiny man, what the hell am I?” I asked.

      “That’s okay because you’re a girl.” She said, ruffling my hair. Uhh, I swatted her hand and she didn’t mind it one bit.

      “But maybe you’re right. His poker face game is so strong, even after being headbutted by the captain twice.” I said. And yes, twice. He was stone-faced through uncle Keith’s intimidation session. Now, that is exceptional. But will it translate to fighting titans?

      Nanaba and I continued to chatter as we approached the training field. And it was broken when we got near people letting out gasps of surprise and wonder.

      Despite having barely any interaction with horses, Isabel was able to calm her horse down and rode her majestically around, to everyone’s surprise.

      “Andi! Nanaba! Come on!” Hange called from the 3DM Practice area. So, that’s where that weirdo’s at. It’s where dummy titans are – as if this is good practice. “It’s that black haired guy’s turn.”

      We walked towards Levi and Flagon and stood to watch. Hange really find the three fascinating.

      Wow. Levi is cool. He might be taller than me but, for guys, he’s pretty tiny. Yet he’s intimidating and cool. Gosh, I just used cool to describe him twice. He held his blade completely different than usual – it was pointing behind. And that got Flagon’s panties in a bunch.

      He went on to scold Levi about it, asking him if he wanted to die. Levi, seemingly indifferent continued walking. But he actually had something to say, “that might just happen to you.” Which really got into Flagon. I couldn’t help but giggle a bit.

      Flagon shot me a dirty look, but he was focused on Levi. “What did you say?!”

      “All I have to do is slice the titan’s neck, right?” He turned towards the training area  before continuing, “I’ll do it my way.”  And off he go.

      I can’t help but smile. He really is good. A little rough on the edges – like he could’ve turned another way where he would’ve saved gas – but still, good. It’s really hard to believe he’s not formally trained.

      Hange on my side can’t help but to voice her question, “Was he given formal training?”

      “No.” I said. Then Hange began giggling. Oh boy. It’s another episode.

      “Good. Very Good!” She said in the same manner she would talk about titans. “Everything from the way we searched for titans to the way we take them down is dependent upon individual methods. Gahhhhh! This is starting to get interesting!”

      “And you’re starting to get weird.” I said before running to the mess hall.

      “Wait! Don’t leave me with her!” Nanaba pleaded.

      I didn’t even look back.

      ***

      Uhh, I’m tired. I barely had any time to breathe and now we’re back on training. In a few months, we’ll be off on yet another expedition. But this one shouldn’t be a death march like the others. Uncle Keith finally listened and allowed Erwin to implement his formation. It’s about damn time!

      “Isn’t it a little too early to head into the mess hall?” A teasing voice interrupted my thoughts.

      “Aren’t you supposed to be training?” It was Farlan. He just shrugged then fell into step next to me. He hasn’t shown interest in anything so far, though they haven’t been here that long. Really, I expected that of Levi, but not him.

      “So, handcuffs. Were you like us?” He said, a smirk playing on his lips.

      I really shouldn’t have mentioned that. I need to make up a story now. “Something like that.” Great. What a wonderful story, Andi.

      “Oh. Were you also from the underground?”

      “Nope.” Best thing I could do now probably is to give one-word answers. Annoy him so he won’t ask.

      “Where were you from, then? Shiganshina? Outskirts of it?” Gah! He pesters me, still.

      “It’s a secret.” I just said, trying to end the conversation.

      “Alright. But you have to tell me someday.”

      “Have? Why?”

      “Well, not that you have to. But you will tell me.” He said smugly.

      I can’t help but roll my eyes. “You’re pretty assuming, aren’t you?”

      He laughed, crinkling his eyes. I didn’t notice it before, but his eyelashes are pretty long. I guess the darkness of the underground is to blame. Anyways, he is a hundred times better looking in the light. Oh, and his laugh. I can’t help but break into a smile. I really ---

      “What? Like what you see?” He said, after noticing me appraising him. He moved his face closer to mine, and damn! Was I flustered.

      I turned my face away. I wanted to tell him off, and say some witty remark like _you wish!_ Or _as if!_ But I couldn’t. I just stayed quiet. Ugh!!! What the heck is wrong with me?

      We stayed quiet, walking towards the mess hall. And I haven’t faced him since I got flustered. But magically, it wasn’t that awkward – at least for me. I actually feel comfortable, despite what he just did.

      Farlan broke the silence first.

      “Are you really that hungry?”

      “What?”

      “I mean; do you really have to go to the mess hall right now?”

      “Oh. No.”

      “Good, then.” I don’t know what he’s going on about. But before I could ask him, he grabbed my hand and told me to “stay quiet and just walk. I want to show you something.”

      This is the opposite of how I expected things to be. I’m the one who lives here, yet here he is pulling me somewhere for what I assume is a tour? Just like what he did when he found me underground.

      “Where are we going?” I asked, but he shushed me again so I just went along. And yes, he still has his hand around mine, and I ain’t even mad.

      We soon reached the edge of the field, which is the beginning of a stretch of woods. This part of the woods really isn’t used for anything, so I’ve never been here. Let me correct that, I don’t think anyone goes here. Uh-oh.

      “Hold up! What are you trying to pull, Farlan? I should remind you, I’ve killed more than a dozen titans.” I asked – nay, threatened. It didn’t even faze him.

      He feigned hurt, and in a very dramatic way, clutched his chest with his free hand.

      “Relax! I said I just want to show you something. We’re almost there.”

      “Alright, drama king.”

      We stepped over some shrubs and plants I don’t really know the name of, walked for a few minutes before I saw it. A clearing full of little white, flowers? No. These aren’t flowers. It’s this white flower-ish called baby’s breath from where I’m from. At least that’s what I call ‘em. Technically, they’re grass and dandelions are even better looking.

      “Uhh?” I inquired. I really have no clue what’s going on.

      “Aren’t they pretty? These are flowers, right?” He said, smiling. He finally let go of my hand, and for a moment there I felt weird. Like, he shouldn’t have let go. Oh, what am I saying?!

       He, then began to sit in the middle of the field, his hand combing through the grass and the _flowers_.

      As much as I wanted to burst his bubble and tell him that these aren’t technically flowers, I stopped myself. I mean, it probably is his first time seeing flowers, or anything remotely close to that. I don’t remember the little hill he brought me to underground having anything but grass. So, I applied one of the best life lessons I know and just sat beside him. What lesson? If you have nothing good to say, don’t say anything at all. I know, weird that I’m doing that.

      “Everything is different. The air, the soil, the people. Sunlight is great.” Farlan declared before flopping on his back and stared up. I did the same, and it was a nice, blue sky.

      “What do you think?” I asked him, turning on my side to face him. He turned to look at me and asked, “about?”

      “Everything that’s different. Is it good? Or bad?”

      “It’s great! It just seems so wide and open up here. I’m never going back. Underground.”

      “You don’t have to. I’m sure Erwin’s already fixing your papers or something.”

      To this, he snickered and rolled his eyes. He really doesn’t like Erwin.

      “Of course. Thanks to Erwin.”

      “You don’t like him, do you?” I inquired. But really, I don’t have to ask him.

      “As much as I love being above ground and getting some sunlight, he still used violence against us, you know. And with what he did to Levi. Tsk.” He blurted. Now, I really want to point out that what Erwin – nay, what _we_ did was necessary. It’s not like they would not resort to violence.

      “What about with what I did to Levi?” I asked. He looked at me and he was quiet for a moment.

      “You were just doing your job. Besides, it was mutual. You both have blades at each other’s throat.”

      “Well, Erwin was just doing his job.”

      “You always defend Erwin.”

      “He saved my life.” He looked at me, as if asking me to tell him. “He saved me from getting killed by a titan.”

      Erwin did do that, but somehow, it feels like he did a lot more than that. I guess because during my early days here, he helped me. Thinking about it now, maybe the reason I didn’t freak out so much was because he was with me.

      “And he’s like family to me.” There, I said it. And this is true. He really is the closest thing to a family that I have.

      “I see.” He said, a ghost of a smile lingering on his lips. It seems he couldn’t help himself as he soon breakout in a smile.

      “What?”

      “Nothing.” He said before pointing towards the sky. “So those things are called clouds?”

      “Yeah.”

      “They look so soft. I wonder if I’d get to touch them someday.”

      “It’s not really soft, you know. It’ just wet. Like, really wet air.” I answered without much thought.

      “You’ve touched a cloud before?”

      Oh, shit. What do I tell him? Ugh. Me and my big mouth. I should spin a tall tale.

      “You can’t really call it touching – it’s just water in the air. And on top of mountains you can walk through them sometimes.” Good. There are a few mountains within the walls so this seems plausible.

      “Whoa! I want to try that.” He said and we went on to talk about other things; things he wants to see and try. And somehow, Farlan managed to fall asleep.

      “Really?” I exclaimed, yet he didn’t stir. But I can’t really blame him. It’s such a nice, cozy day and my eyelids are getting heavy by the minute as well.

      I guess a few minutes of some sleep is alright. Besides, there’s nothing that we need to do right away.

***

 

      Naps are the worst – it’s like waking up in a different year on another planet.  As I’m waking up, I felt hardness beneath me. Oh, yeah. I fell asleep outside. But, there’s something else. My legs felt weird – like something heavy is on top of it. Then something’s wrapped around me a little too intimately. But then that something stirred.

      I opened my eyes and saw Farlan’s face right in front of mine. That something wrapped all over me? It was him. We are in a rather compromising position. His leg was wrapped around mine, and his arm was hugging me close to him.

      Oh my god.

      I almost didn’t want to, but I shoved him away. And boy, was it tough. I got out of his embrace, but his leg was still wrapped around me. I shuffled and shimmied to lie on my back, so I could lift his leg off of me, but then he began to stir. His arm moved as if searching for something – a blanket, maybe, or dare I say, me.

      And was he successful.

      I was frozen in place. My brain shut down and I didn’t know what to do right at that moment. His hand cupped around my breast. What the fuck? He stirred and started to grope and that’s when I found my voice.

      “Farlaaaaan!” I hissed. I stopped trying to lift his leg and instead tried to pry his hand off my chest.

      “What?” He asked the moment he opened his eyes. Then he saw the absolute rage in my face, and my hands on his … and his hand getting comfortable on my chest. His face burned in the most vibrant shade of red I’ve ever seen and he jumped a foot away from me, well, more like spasmed away.

            “I’m sorry.” He uttered,

            I stood up, dust myself off and started walking away. I know he didn’t mean to do it, but for some reason I feel as if something was taken from me.

            “Why does things like this always happen to me? First, Erwin, now him?” I asked no one in particular. Right now, I’m not feeling anything; like, I’m not mad or embarrassed. Just weirded out, I guess. I just got up from a nap when all this happened, my brain isn’t functioning well yet.

            “Andi! Wait!” I heard him call in the distance, but I ignored it, opting to continue walking. That was one, fucked-up moment. Oh boy. Farlan had his hand on me. Damn, it’s starting to sink in.

            “Aaaaarrrghhhh!” I squealed, hands over my face. I soon found myself against a tree, knees folded up to my chest and hands still on my face – my face which is burning right now. I can’t believe it. I should be mad, shouldn’t I? But why do I feel excited? Embarrassed, yes. Like, a lot. But excited? “Gaaaaah!!” I let out yet another high-pitched squeal.

            I don’t know how to deal with this. I haven’t had any experience like this, heck I’ve never had a boyfriend before, nor was I ever kissed. Fuck, my boob was touched before I was even kissed?

            I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn’t notice the footsteps that are nearing me.

            “There you are. Andi, I ... are you crying?” it was Farlan, of course.

            I looked up, and sure enough, hot tears were on my cheeks. “No, I just got something in my eye. Like a pebble, or a twig, maybe.” I said, wiping away my tears. And yes, despite the situation I’m still a smart-ass.

            I looked at him and his face was still as red as it was minutes ago.

            “I …” he started, but I cut him off.

            “Let’s just forget about it. Please?” I pleaded. He nodded, and sat across from me, finding his own tree to lean on. I returned to covering my face, as if hiding from the world and we sat in silence.

            Okay Andi, that wasn’t that big of a deal. You got through Erwin seeing you in your birthday suit, surely Farlan groping you is easy enough to get over with.

            After what seems like hours, I finally calmed down. What’s done is done. No use crying over spilled milk. I stood up and dust off myself, and the moment I did so, Farlan did the same. Yup, he was still there, concern etched on his face. But then he must have remembered me asking him to just forget about it, so he quickly gave me a friendly smile.

            We stood there, in the middle of the woods. Him smiling, me looking absolutely horrible, with my eyes most probably red and puffy. Two idiots standing, doing nothing. But then a sound distracted me from thinking about how stupid we’d look to anyone who’d see us.

            “ _Grrrrrrpft…”_ Farlan’s stomach rumbled. He turned a tad scarlet, then gave me another smile as he scratched his head before continuing, “I guess we missed lunch.” And despite everything, I cracked up. You’d think I’d finally snapped and lost it. Relief washed over me. And soon enough, Farlan joined in on my borderline hysterical laughter.

            “You’re right. I’m starving.”

            We then started to walk back. And sure, enough, lunch time has long since passed. It’s probably around mid-afternoon. As we walked, realization hit me. Of course, it’s natural I’d feel this way. But then again, it wasn’t like Farlan did it on purpose. Ooh, I just thought of a really clever line.

            “Farlan?” I called out, and he hummed in answer.

            “Do you still want to touch clouds?” It took him a bit before he answered.

            “Well, you said so yourself that you can’t exactly touch clouds so, no. I don’t really want to anymore.”

            “Good. Because you’ve already touched something far better than any cloud.” I teased, and I swear I could hear the blood rushing to my cheeks. Farlan made a sound as if he’s choking, and I looked sideways and boy, was he a blushing mess. Satisfied and unable to handle my own embarrassment, I dashed off.

 


	18. Love, Regret and Wishful Thinking

It was almost dinner time by the time we got back. We went straight to the mess hall and honestly, we didn’t talk or even look at each other on our walk there. I guess teasing him was a little too much for the both of us. Anyhow, I was a couple of steps in front as he follows silently behind. We were almost at the mess hall when someone called out to me.

            “Andi!”

            It was Theo.

            “I’ve been looking for you all day, where have you been?” He inquired. Okay, what do I tell him? I took a nap in the woods with a new recruit? That sounds bad.

            “Uhm, I was …” I didn’t get a chance to invent something weird as Farlan suddenly appeared and answered for me.

            “She was with me.” He said as he inched closer to me. Theo looked surprised. “I’m Farlan.”

            Being the educated elite that he is, Theo quickly gathered his composure and flashed us his ever-lovely smile. “Ah, you’re in Flagon’s squad, aren’t you?” To this, Farlan nodded. Awkward. Now what?

            Clearing his throat, Theo broke the awkwardness. “May I speak with you Andi?”, looked at Farlan before adding, “alone?”

            “Of course!” I answered a little too eagerly. Ugh. “See you in a bit.” I told Farlan, shoving him a little to the direction of the mess hall. I could tell he was disappointed, but he obeyed anyway. “So? What’s up?” Theo smiled before dragging me away.

***

            We walked towards the training ground, where a couple of people were tidying up some dummies and wooden practice weapons, and sat on the big-ass logs there. I don’t know why they store these here, but they can be quite convenient during training as somewhere to sit on and even nap on.

            I turned to look at Theo and boy, was he a cutie. He was nervously biting his lip, and then ran his hand on his gorgeous hair. Uh-oh. I think I have an idea what this is about.

            “Andi, I …” He started but then lost his words. Have I ever told you how nervousness can be contagious? Honestly, every single emotion is contagious. Despite the bubbling nervousness within me, though, I decided to help him out.

            “Is this about what you asked me last time? You know, in my tent?” It’s been, what? A week ago? Yeah, almost two weeks ago he asked me to marry him. This gorgeous rich kid asked me to be his wife. With the memory of that, I could feel the heat on my cheeks. What is it with this day? Can’t I get a break?

            “Yes. In two days’ time, I’ll be going back home. And uh, my offer still stand.” Alright, even though I told him I would think about it, I honestly did everything I could to keep it off my head. I have a feeling that I would regret any decision I’d make regarding this.

            I stared off into the distance, as if hoping I could find an answer in the trees. You must be wondering, why can’t I just say no? Well, honestly, I like this guy. But not in a very romantic sense. I mean, he’s hella attractive and I know he would take care of me. Marry him and I’d be set for life. How about saying yes, then? Well, what if one day I wake up and realize I don’t love him? Could I just continue living with him like that? It’s not like I could just divorce him. I’m not sure that law exists here.

            Sure, the offer of a quiet life in the inner district is tempting. But what would I do all day? My inner monologue was broken when I felt his hand on mine. With a little squeeze, he urged me to look at him.

            “I know it’s all so sudden. I’m sorry. But I really like you.” He then cupped my cheek with his other hand. Oh boy. Oh shit. This is like some scene from a cheesy rom-com. And honestly, it’s like an out of body experience. I was just watching things unfold, frozen and unable to anything.

            “No. Actually, I don’t like you. I love you, Andi.” My eyes must have been the size of plates. Love?! Wait, love?! I can’t think. I may have forgotten how. My brain was mushy and there’s some feedback noise in my head. I’m not prepared for this.

            I finally found my voice, although it was so soft; so foreign to my ears. “You love me?” I whispered. Remember how I said emotions are contagious? Right now my brain is trying to make me feel like, I love him back. That warm, fuzzy feeling in my stomach and my chest tightening I almost couldn’t breathe.

 

            Instead of answering like any other human would (at least as I would), he slowly closed the gap between our faces. I felt his hot breath on my lips, then his lips. His actual lips! On mine! It’s a kiss! Oh, my god. He’s kissing me. His eyes were closed, and I couldn’t help but close mine as well. So this is how it feels like?

            He slowly moved back, breaking the kiss and I gasped for air. I didn’t even realize I wasn’t breathing for that long. Wait, how long? I don’t know and I don’t care. All I could think of is how amazing that was. Theo looked at me, his cheeks reflecting the color that my cheeks probably are. Both his hands are on mine now, and we just sat there, blushing and looking into each other’s eyes.

            I thought he couldn’t look any better than this, but then he gave me a sheepish smile. He licked his lips and looked at our hands. Would I like to spend the rest of my life with this man? Yes. Would I regret it? Probably. Maybe?

            Theo raised his face and looked me in the eye again, waiting for my answer. Yes, or no? Which is it, Andi?

            The sun was now setting and I still don’t have an answer. It’s never good to make a decision whenever you’re emotional or hungry and right now I’m both. Theo sighed, then flashed me another perfect smile.

            “Let’s eat, shall we?” He said, as if he wasn’t kissing me and asking for my hand in marriage earlier. “Okay.”

***

            We walked back to the mess hall with him humming all the way. Despite me not giving him a clear answer yet, he seemed quite happy. 

            It was already dark by the time we got there, and there were only a few people. The chatter was loud, though. And through that chatter, I could pick out one specific voice. Hange’s. That helped me find my group of friends. Theo and I grabbed our rations – pathetic piece of bread and a bowl of soup – and walked over to them. I felt someone looking at me, so I turned and saw Farlan on a table in the far end of the hall, with Levi and Isabel.

 

 

            Boy, they look mad. I guess they miss the mystery-meat soup from Miller’s tavern. But they’re looking at me… oh well. Levi’s face is just that and Isabel doesn’t look mad, really. More like curious. It was Farlan who was weirdly annoyed. I wonder if they got into a fight?

            “Hey you two.” Nanaba greeted. We sat and began to eat. Though we chatted and laughed with everyone else. Honestly, that talk outside seemed like a distant memory. Huh. That was something major, it was my first kiss ever! But why do I feel indifferent? Is this how all kisses are? Just lovely and exciting as they happen but after it’s like, meh? Or is it just because I’m not in love?

            “Where were you, Andi? I can’t believe you left me with Hange this morning. You even missed lunch!” Nanaba said, pulling me from my thoughts. Hange gave an obnoxious laugh that had all heads turn to her. “What? It’s not like you didn’t have a good time talking to me. We actually talked about catching titans!”

            “Oh, yes. That Farlan guy said he was with you, didn’t he?” Theo mentioned. Crap. At the mention of that, I suddenly remembered Farlan’s hold on my …

            “Farlan?” Hange asked, to which Nanaba answered, “That other guy they recruited from underground.” She then turned to me and continued, “what were you doing with him?”

            “We, uh, walked around. I showed him around.” I lied. Good thing they just nodded and actually let it go. Phew. Hange then went on to tell us about this net that she’s working on. Apparently, it’s strong and big enough to capture a titan.

            Though I could feel the person beside me wasn’t really into the conversation. I turned to look at Theo and his forehead was knotted and brows were closed together. Hmm.

            After finishing our meals and talking for a bit, I finally excused myself. “Uh, I’m tired. See you tomorrow.” I waved them goodbye, but before I could even walk one step away, Theo stood up. “Wait. I’ll walk you back.”

            Then the table went from a lively discussion to complete silence. Then my two closest buddies, Hange and Nanaba teased us. In perfect harmony. “Oooooohh! So sweet.”

            “Ha ha.” I said, then walked off. Really, they can be kids.

 

 

            We walked, and once we were out the door, Theo grabbed my hand. I looked at him, but he just smiled and intertwined our fingers. I didn’t pull away. Why am I not pulling away?

            We walked in silence, hand in hand. Some insect’s chirping noise being our background music.

            We soon reached my door. It was like magic! We were just walking away from the mess hall, but now we’re in front of my room. The hallway was deserted. It is always deserted. This is for the higher officials only, so not many people live in this part, and those who lives here are always shut in their rooms or offices drowning in paper works.

            “So, Farlan?” Theo asked. Whoa, what? Last time I checked, I’m not his girlfriend, let alone fiancé. But then again, I didn’t exactly say no either. Nor am I letting go of his hand right now. So why is he asking? Oh. Is he perhaps, jealous? I blushed at the thought. “We’re friends.” I answered. That seemed to satisfy him as he nodded.

            He bit his lip in that sexy way that he does, then leaned onto me. I felt his lips on mine. It was light, but my lips felt so hot. I realized that this close, I could actually smell him. And does he smell lovely. He pulled away and smiled. “Goodnight.” He said, as he pulled my hand up to his lips and kissed it, the same way he did when we first met. “Night.”

            I watched him walk away in the dark and silent hallway until he disappeared. I feel numb. No. Actually, I’m feeling a lot of different emotions right now and I can’t differentiate them. I’m confused. I need to talk to someone, I’m at my wits’ end!

            Should I consult with Hange? Nah. I’m not even sure if she has a sing romantic emotion in her system. Nanaba? Maybe. Yes.

            Soon enough, my feet were dragging me to her room. And as luck would have it, she still wasn’t there. Is she still at the mess hall?! Ugh. There’s still two days. I could talk to her tomorrow.

            I decided to walk back to my room, but I took the roundabout way. Meaning I’d be passing the offices. Maybe some nice, quiet walk would help.

            Okay, so the issue is Theo wants me to marry him. He said he loves me and then kissed me. And I let it happen. I like him. He loves me, but I just like him back. I only have two days to give him an answer. Wait, will we never see each other again when he goes back and I stay? Well, with my line of work that is plausible.

 

            “Gahhh!!! I don’t know what to do!!!!” I yelled out in frustration.

            “Perhaps I could help?”

            “Ahhh!” I squealed in surprise.

            “Oh, I’m sorry, Andi.” It was Erwin.

            “You almost gave me a heart attack.” For reals. He just laughed at that.

            “What’s troubling you?” He asked again.

            Hmm… I never really thought about this, but was Erwin ever in a relationship? As far as I know, he isn’t married. And I don’t really see him flirting. Really, it seems like his life is just about work.

            Maybe I should ask him for advice. He’s smart and he can be really rational about this, I think.

            “I need your advice.” He nodded towards an open door. And looking at it, it’s actually his office. I didn’t realize I’ve walked quite a distance from Nanaba’s room.

            We entered his candle-lit office. It was the same as usual; papers strewn all over his table, a forgotten cup of tea on the other table by the window. I was about to take a seat in front of his desk, but he walked over to the ones by the window. Huh, so that tea isn’t like the leftover cold ones, eh?

            He propped one leg up, over the other, and he looked really comfortable. I copied him, trying to be comfortable in my seat.

            We locked eyes and he silently urged me to begin, so I did.

            “Erwin, you see, uhm. Theo. Well, Theo asked me to marry him.” I said. But why am I not relieved by letting go of this bit of info? Anyways, Erwin didn’t react. Well, at least nothing obvious to me, so I went on.

            “I don’t know what to tell him.”  He nodded, before he asked me one, simple question.

            “Do you love him?” He looked at me so intensely, I felt a chill on my spine. Do I love him? I’ve been wondering the same thing.

            I guess I’m taking too long to answer because Erwin asked me another one. Oh, boy. Someone’s impatient.

            “Okay, let’s start with something easier. What’s your goal? What’s your dream?”

            Goal? Dream? He calls this easier? But before I could properly think of a response, words began pouring out of my mouth. “I wanna know what titans are. I wanna know the truth.” Damn. I really didn’t think much about that answer. But, yeah. I really want this. I want to keep being a soldier and go outside the walls. As dangerous and as depressing as this is, I think this is really meaningful. Yeah, I prefer this over a mundane life in the inner district.

            I smiled. I’ve been doing this for a year. Gave it my blood, sweat and tears but I still want to fight on. I’d rather have a future that everyone could enjoy, rather than my own. Then again, Theo told me he loves me. I stopped smiling.  

            “He said he loves me. I couldn’t just break his heart, can I?” I searched Erwin’s eyes, and for a moment there, his forehead was furrowed in a frown.

            “What about your heart?” He asked.

            I could eventually fall in love with him, can’t I? But what if I didn’t? I’d be miserable. I’d regret it. Regret. That’s really what’s stopping me to make a decision. I haven’t made on yet but I’m already afraid I might regret it.

            “I don’t know. I’m scared. I don’t want to do anything I might regret.” There, I said it.

            “Andi, whatever decision you make, whichever choice you pick, you’ll always wonder about the other option. You shouldn’t let other people’s words or emotions talk you into doing something.”

            “Oh.” So, I shouldn’t let Theo’s _love_ for me control me. Erwin continued.

            “Nobody can foretell the outcome – If you’ll be happier here or with _him_.” For some reason, Erwin violently emphasized the word him. “Each decision you make holds meaning only by affecting your next decision.”

            Okay. So, that wasn’t exactly the answer I was looking for. But yeah, I am the pilot of my own life. He is right, he’d gone all Robert Frost on me. There will always be the road not taken.

            “I think I know what to do now. Thank you.” And that was true. Whatever happens, happens. He nodded. He didn’t ask me what I’ve decided.

 

           

            We walked towards our rooms together, it wasn’t that far. We soon reached our doors. And something struck me. I asked before I could stop myself.

            “Erwin, have you ever been in love?”

            He looked at me, eyebrows raised and he looked totally surprised. He thought for a moment before answering simply.

            “Yes.”

            Oh. Ooooooh! It was my turn to look surprised. Erwin is in his late twenties, really an age to married, but here he is still single. But he’d been in love?! I want to ask him so bad who it was, and when was that, but what I was able to ask was the very plain question, “what happened?”

            “I chose to fight. I could die anytime and I’d rather not leave someone behind.”

            “Oh.” Was all I could reply. Erwin almost never think of himself, does he?

            We bid each other goodnight and got into our rooms.

           

            Today really was a wild rollercoaster of emotions, huh? Despite napping almost the whole day, I feel so exhausted. I flopped on my bed, not even bothering to change into pajamas. I’ve made my decision. I know what to do.

            I got up and went over to my closet, taking out a battered looking suitcase and packing my clothes. Oof, I better get out of this uniform as well. I packed a couple of books as well. In thirty minutes, I have packed almost all of my possessions in my suitcase. Great. I moved on to my table and wrote.

            Finishing, I then moved toward the door and looked around my room. It’s been a year since I got here, and it looks so much better now. I’ll miss this room. I didn’t even bother locking the door. I walked towards Erwin’s door and slipped a note under the door. Good.

            I took a deep breath and turned on my heels. This is it. New chapter of my life. I then walked away, quietly. As I walked towards Theo’s room, I look out a window and saw the star illuminated sky, and a shooting star! With my fingers crossed on both hands, I made my wish that may I never regret this decision. Ever.           


	19. Save the Date!

Walking towards Theo's room was probably the longest 5 minutes of my life. I knocked, hoping he's still up. After two knocks, he called out "who's there?"

            "It's Andi." He opened almost immediately.

            "Andi?! Come in."

            I did just that. It’s obvious on his face how he wasn’t expecting to see me.

            His room was on another floor, even though he's a squad leader. It's because this one is the biggest room in the building. He got a living room, a study area and his own bathroom. It's a suite, really.

            We sat on the sofa, his look lingered on my suitcase but he was polite enough not to ask me about it.

            “Would you like some tea, or coffee?” He offered. I shook my head in response.

            Okay, Andi. It's now or never.

            "I've made my decision, Theo."

            "Really?" He asked, a little too eager. His eyes back on the suitcase, thinking it's a good sign.

            "I like you, Theo. I do. But I can't marry you. I'm not yet ready for that. And this life - fighting titans - and going on expeditions, I actually like it. As brutal and tiring as they can be, I want to keep doing this."

            I’d say I saw the moment his heart broke. He wasn’t exactly shocked, but he wasn’t happy.  

            "I'm sorry."

            “I understand.” He then laughed, a bitter kind of laugh. A long stretch of silence followed. Gosh, I thought I’d feel guilty and miserable doing this. But I don’t feel anything – not relief, not sadness just, nothing. It’s been a good couple of minutes, and I better get going.

            “Uhm, I’d better go.” I stood up. Before I took another step though, his hand wrapped around my wrist. "Wait." He pulled me into his lap and into a hug. You bet I was surprised!

            "Let's stay like this for a while, please?" He asked, voice so soft. Well it was a whisper. He then moved his head back so he was looking at me. It breaks my heart seeing tears threatening to spill from his eyes. Whoa boy. Why am I starting to feel things now? Looking at him melts my resolve. I should get out now!

            But then he kissed me. This was different from his kiss before. It was like his life depended on it. And like earlier, I just let it happen. It was urgent and far more intimate than first one. I felt him open his mouth, and he started sucking on my bottom lip, causing my mouth to open as well.

            I feel light headed. I can’t breathe and it felt as if my lips were on fire. Honestly, I can’t remember why I went here anymore.

            "Mhhmm." My hands moved on their own, settling on his hair. Ah, his soft hair. I've always wanted to touch them. Theo's grip on my waist tightened and as if it were possible, he pulled me closer. And I let him.

            He pushed his tongue into my mouth. And I let him. I don’t remember how, but next thing I know I’m on my back on the sofa, with him hovering above, kissing me still. He was now sucking on my tongue when I realized I shouldn't be doing this! I just turned him down for goodness’ sake!

            I began to push him away, and he lets go. He actually let me go.  

            "I'm sorry!" I told him without looking at him this time, I don’t think I would leave if I did. I grabbed my bag and I was out of there.

 

***

 

            I touch my lips as I thought of last night’s event. I shouldn't have done that. I can’t believe it. Isn’t that leading him on? Oh, my god. I’m such a horrible person. With a sigh, I got back on my feet and moved over to where my horse is. Max nuzzled up to me when he saw me.

            Yep, Max the white steed. I ran straight to the stables after I left Theo’s room. That moment gave me major Mulan feels – you know, her leaving her parents behind. 

            "Hey sweetie!" I said, scratching Max’s face. After making sure my suitcase is secured, I climbed up and continued my journey. I decided to take a week off. Yep, I just gone up and left for Shiganshina.

 

            Why? Well, when Erwin asked me last night about my dream, I thought about it and decided to do it. What was it you ask? My answer to Erwin wasn’t my “dream” per se. What I mean, before I got here I already have a dream and that is to have my own house, my own family and a farm. Yes, a farm. I’m so into the Harvest Moon series that I actually desired to have a farm. So why Didn't i just said yes to Theo? Simple. I didn't love him. I just don't.

            Besides, that was too fast. I can’t just make a decision like that in two days! But yeah, these are just excuses. I just don’t love Theo like that. Though I’m guilty of enjoying his kiss.

            Anyhow, I've decided to buy a house in Shiganshina. And yes, I have money. In a year of getting paid and not spending anything, I'm pretty loaded. It will take me almost the whole day to get there, even though it’s just about four hours of nonstop travel from HQ. I mean, I have to stop and sleep every now and then.

 

***

 

            I’d save you from the details of my realty experience. All I can say is that it was pretty easy to get a house, as easy as buying a mars bar. I literally showed up at their town hall, declared I’m looking for a house and lot, showed them the money and boom! Home sweet home. Well, not really.

            There aren’t really any houses ready to live in, all I got was a plot of land and I was helped into finding workers who would actually build my house. It will take a month before I could even see it. Also, my house isn’t exactly within Shiganshina walls, it’s outside the gates and it’s in this hilly area where windmills and a few houses are scattered about.

            So, my plan to stay here for a week isn’t really working. Great. What I had in mind was I waltz in here, buy a house and lot, plant some daisies and have them bloom by the end of the week. But I guess that is really impossible. I mean, yeah sure, human-eating-naked-giants can exist, but ready-to-live-in-houses and fast growing daisies are never gonna happen.

             I guess I’d rent out a room. There are a few Inns scattered here. Why? Despite being depressing, Shiganshina is actually a bit of a tourist spot. See, the walls here are on the very edge. And edgy rich kids who wants to see some titan’s ass flock here.

            On my first day, here, I’d already bought a house on a little hill (and how I wished I could turn it into a hobbit hole), and settled in on a room in an Inn near the inner gate. It was pretty late so I decided to go to sleep. Besides, traveling was exhausting! I bet Max is resting in his little cozy spot at the stables. At the military HQ here (there is one in almost every city) is where I left Max.

            Anyhow, that’s already two days out of my week – day 1 travel, day 2 is buying a house and looking for a room. Two more days and I’ll be back at the base.

            ***

            I had a dreamless sleep, and I’m thankful for it. Right now, I really need a break. Heck, that’s why I’m here! It’s almost five in the morning when I got up – real early. After refreshing a bit and making myself presentable, I went out for breakfast and to just look around. I plan on being a regular civilian right now.

            After walking around for about ten minutes, I already find myself feeling bored. I should be doing some maintenance work on my 3dm gear right now. Ugh, honestly, I haven’t had a vacation in a year. Now I don’t know what to do with myself. Of course, I could always just read or sleep, but that’s something I’ve done regularly on my days off already – I wanna do something new!

            I was walking around the market area when I suddenly remembered about the kids I met before – Armin and Eren. Maybe I could visit them. But, it would be weird to just visit unannounced, wouldn’t it? And it’s not like I haven’t seen them in a while. Those two are almost always the first faces I see when we enter Shiganshina.

            Gah! After that dramatic running-away-from-home like Mulan, I’m stuck here and unsure of what to do with myself. Maybe I should go back to the HQ after all. But am I ready? Well, it’s not like Theo will still be there when I get back, anyway. Oh! I wonder why he was rushing me to marry him. It’s not like it’s difficult to go from HQ to Mitras. Was he expecting me to die on an expedition?

            Meh, I’m sure there isn’t any special reason why he was rushing.

            ***

            I soon found myself walking outside the town proper. Welp, I subconsciously walked towards where my future house is. The land here is so vast! And there are barely any houses, which makes this the ideal place for me. Perfect, really.

            I decided to walk to my lot, and check out the progress. Though I’m sure they’re just digging up for the foundation. It’s only been a day after all. As I went on, I saw a couple of kids gathering sticks. Sticks?

            Looking closely, that boy’s Eren! He’s with a girl, and she’s wearing the scarf I gave him. Hmm, I haven’t seen this kid before.   I decided to be a little creep and went up to them. It’s not like I’m a total stranger, though.

            “Hey!” I greeted. Eren turned, a huge smile plastered on his face.

            “Andi!” He ran up to me before he yelled to my face, “how are you?”

            “No need to yell, kid!” I said before ruffling his hair. It feels good doing that, especially if almost everyone around me were so hard for me to reach, this is a really refreshing change.

            “Oh, sorry.”

            “Who’s the girl?” I asked, throwing in a wink. I guess I shouldn’t even have bothered as what I was trying to convey just went over Eren’s head.

            “That’s Mikasa.” He said, before turning around to call her. “Mikasa! Come on.”

            As the little black-haired girl took her sweet time walking towards us, I made small talk with Eren.

            “No Armin today?”

            “Ah, no. I hasn’t seen him yet today. Mikasa and I have been busy doing our chores. We went straight from our house to out here.”

            Our house? Hold on, does Eren have a sister? I don’t recall ever seeing this little girl hanging around him ever before. “She’s your sister?” I asked, bewildered. Seriously, how could I miss that?

            Eren scrounged up his face as he tried to answer, “No. Her parents died, so she’s living with us. She just moved in last week.”

            “I see.” An orphan. “That’s why you gave her the scarf?” I asked. Eren beamed before answering, “yeah! She needed it more than I do.”

            Well, my heart swelled at that moment. I just wanna scream out that _he learned that from me!_ Mikasa got to where Eren and I were, and she just stared at me. Blank stare. Kinda.

            “Hi there! I’m Andi. I’m Eren’s friend.” I said with a smile, in the most sickeningly sweet way I could. She just answered a weak “hello” and called it a day – meaning I didn’t hear her talk again.

            But that’s normal, I guess. Eren said she just moved in last week, which probably means her parents died last week.

            “Why are you here, by the way?” Eren’s curiosity was piqued.

            “I bought a house here, actually. Well, it isn’t a house yet, though.”

            “You’re going to live here? Wow!”

            I ended up checking out my property with the kiddos, with Eren asking me a bunch of questions so random, I had a tough time answering them. After gawking at the construction workers, I decided to help the two in gathering sticks. Apparently, these are _firewood_.

            So, I ended up at the Jeager household again. Carla, Eren’s mom, was so flustered at her son asking me to pick up sticks. But of course, I told her I volunteered. Besides, I didn’t have anything to do anyway.

            Doctor Jeager was in the house and was accepting patients in his office, so me and the kids ended up going outside to play. We ran around and that Mikasa kid has the endurance of a cow. She’s been running around and she was barely breathless, while Eren was sweating like pig and every step was heavy.

            Armin soon saw us and joined our game. But clearly, this game of tag will be dominated by either me or Mikasa, so we decided to change our game.

            “What should we play?” Armin asked? We all sat by the river, as we thought about what would be fun but not exactly tiring.

            “What do you wanna play?” I asked Mikasa, who just stared at me. She didn’t even grace me with a shrug.

            “Okay. How about we play Doctor Quack Quack?” I felt funny just saying that stupid name of the game. As I expected, the kids have no idea what the hell I was talking about, even Mikasa reacted. She looked at me like I was a crazy lady, and I’m fine with that. I was about to explain the game mechanics when someone called me.

            “Andi!”

            I know that voice too well. Erwin. I turned around and there he was. Wearing a simple, collared, long-sleeved, white button-up and black slacks. I can’t believe he dresses so formally even when out of duty. Hold on, why is he here? Am I in trouble? No, that can’t be. Besides, he isn’t on duty – no uniform. So, why?

            “Uh-oh.” I uttered, subconsciously.

            “Who’s that?” Armin asked, but Erwin reached us before I could answer.

            “Am I, uhm…” I started to ask Erwin, but then remembered the kids. I guess my concern was obvious as Erwin shook his head. Boy, was I relieved.

            “This, kiddos, is Erwin Smith. He’s my Squad Leader.” I told them proudly. Before Armin and Eren could badger Erwin with questions, I decided to continue what we were doing.

            “We were just about to play a game, wanna join?” Erwin looked at me like I’m some kind of lunatic. “I’m not in trouble, am I?”

            Instead of answering though, Erwin looked at the kids. I sighed.

            “We’ll play next time. Bye. Nice to meet you again, Mikasa.”

            Eren looked like he has a lot more to say, but me and Erwin just walked away.

           

***

            I’m nervous now. We didn’t talk all the way back to the inn. Well, it’s not like I tried to start a conversation anyway. I was busy making up excuses in my head. Huh, that note I left Erwin is probably the main reason I’m in trouble. Oh, wanna know what I wrote?

 

     _Bye Felicia! Just kidding. You won’t get how that’s funny, though. Anyways, I’ll be out for a week. Cheerio._

_Andi_

            Thinking about it now, I guess that wasn’t very smart of me. But honestly, I wasn’t really in the mood to craft a professional letter. We soon arrived at the inn, and Erwin was still tight-lipped.

            He dragged me to the small dining area and got us a table. Good thing there weren’t many people around. I can feel a sermon coming.

            Once we settled in, with Erwin sitting across from me, I decided to break the ice.

            “Whattup?” Cool. Very good, Andi.

            Erwin wasn’t amused. He produced my note from his pocket, and laid it on the table.

            “Explain.”

            “Uh. Well, that’s supposed to be funny? Bye Felicia, I mean. I’m not really sure what’s the punch line but – “Before I could ramble on, though, Erwin cut me off. And yes, he was actually doing a facepalm.

            “Not that, Andi. Why did you leave just like that?”

            “Uh.” Why did I? I decided to just come clean. “I … well, I just feel so pressured. With Theo … you know? I can’t stand being there.”

            I for sure would remember this day for the rest of my life, it was the day that I saw Erwin laughing like a mad man.

            “What?” I wondered out loud. He was laughing so hard that his face was so red. After a minute or so, Erwin finally calmed down a bit.

            “What’s so funny?” I asked again. Really, did he just snapped? Did I break Erwin Smith?

            “Oh, Andi. It’s just that titans eating people doesn’t scare you one bit. But one guy asks you to marry him and you just up and left? Who wouldn’t find that funny?” He said, still giggling. If he were laughing about something else, I would love to record this moment. But he’s laughing at me, and he’s right. I’m more scared of Theo asking me to be his wife than going outside this walls to tango with titans.

            “Ha! You’re so red.” Erwin said.

            “Great work, Sherlock. Did you follow me just to make fun of me?” I snapped. I’m so embarrassed right now.  I know it’s wrong to be mad at him just because I feel ashamed, but I never realized that Erwin being so happy (at my expense) is hella annoying.

            He cleared his throat, but a smile is still on his lips.

            “No. It’s because this is not how you ask for a vacation.”

            “Oh. I understand. But why did you have to go here personally? You could’ve just sent me a letter, or maybe have what’s-his-name fetch me.”

            “You see, we’re not just going back to HQ. We’re going straight to Mitras.”

            “Huh? Mitras?” That’s where Theo lives. The whole reason I ran is not that bullshit about buying a house here. It’s so petty. I just didn’t want to be there when Theo leaves. And now we’re following him? Erwin was all business now as he continued.

            “Yes. Our presence is required at a wedding.”

            “Wedding? What Wedding?” _thump. Badump …_  This feels off. I feel sick.

            “Your wedding.”

            Shit.


	20. “HOLY BULLFRAPKT!” – Andi Frost, Circa 844

   I feel like I’m gonna die. I don’t fully understand, but I really feel like this is the end for me. Erwin was becoming a blur, I couldn’t breathe properly now.

            “Andi, hey. I’m sorry. I was just joking!” Erwin said, fumbling as he took his handkerchief from his pocket and tried to wipe my tears himself.

            “What?” I’m confused. What is he talking about?

            “It isn’t your wedding. Oh my, this wasn’t a very good idea after all.”

            Instead of answering, though, I just pitifully wiped my tears on my sleeve and wait for him to talk again.

            “Of course, it isn’t your wedding. You said no, didn’t you?”

            Damn. I slammed my face on the table. You are such an idiot, Andi! And like the crazy person I probably am right now, I started laughing.

            “You have a horrible sense of humor, you know that?” I said. But really, I was laughing out of relief.

            “Yes, well I thought it would have been fun to see your face if I tell you that.”

            “Uhuh. But that was really stupid of me. I mean, Mitras is a big place with rich ass people. And besides Theo isn’t even the groom.”

            At that, though, Erwin’s face changed. He thought for a bit, and decided to just go on with it.

            “Actually, it is.”

            “What?!”

            “It is Theodore Van Rumpade’s wedding.”

***

            It’s been almost three days since Erwin came to get me. We’re still on a boat to Mitras and we’ll arrive early tomorrow. The wedding’s in two days. Why am I even here?

            And yes, Erwin wasn’t joking that time. It really is Theo – no, - Theodore’s wedding. He’s getting married. Just a week after kissing me. How? How is this happening? Don’t tell me he managed to find a bride while travelling back home to Mitras?

            Oh, my god! It’s so annoying! I know I’m the one who said no to him, but this is just ridiculous! And why am I even invited? Why do I even have to be there? Ugh!

            I threw the sheets off me. Being in this room is suffocating. I’m going out. Too bad there’s basically nowhere to go on this boat.

***

            I’ve been standing here, staring at the water for an eternity. I’m so mad right now. Sybille Luitgard, that’s her name. That’s his bride’s name. Of course, she’s from a rich family. I’m guessing this is arranged marriage. Why on earth would he ask me to marry him when he already have Sybille Leotard?! Yes, Leotard. I’m not that creative when I’m mad.

            “Still angry, are we?” Erwin nudged me. He appeared out of nowhere. But maybe I just didn’t notice him coming since I’ve been thinking about things that rhymes with that girl’s name.

            “I’m not.”

            “You’re not very convincing. I’m sure he’d be able to explain himself.”

            “Are you sure it’s a great idea to bring me along?”

            “No.”

            “Theodore’s an idiot!” I yelled.

            “It’s Theodore now, huh?” Erwin commented.

            “Yeah.”

            After a while, Erwin spoke again. This time he was serious.

            “I honestly thought you would be relieved.” He then looked at me, blue eyes searching me. I guess my reaction really was odd. He is right, after all. I should be relieved.

            “I …” I tried to answer. But what can I say? I don’t really understand myself right now. I returned my attention to the river. I should be overcome with relief.

            “I guess I’m confused.” I sighed. But that’s just the tip of my emotional iceberg. There’s this disgusting feeling, gnawing within me. For someone who said no, I sure am feeling entitled. But see, I feel as if I was easily replaced. I said no, one week later there’s a new girl. He said he love me, then kissed me, and now I’m on my way to his wedding.

***

            Right on schedule, we arrive at the dock early in the morning, around 3:30 probably. We took a carriage to our lodgings. We’d stay here until a day after the wedding. Uncle Keith decided we need to get a supply run on this trip as well. He’s all about killing two birds with one stone, he’s an old person alright.

            Once we were at the house, we still have a lot of time to sleep before we need to go out, but I couldn’t sleep. I just thought of something so bad, it’s good.

            “I need a new dress. No! A gown! A hot, red gown!” I exclaimed. It echoed around the room.

            Okay, that was weird of me. But hey, I need to get the most beautiful dress. Though it would be very difficult. It’s not like there are ready made dresses for sale everywhere. There is no H&M here. You want a dress? Buy some cloth and sew it yourself. So, I don’t know how on earth I’m gonna get a pretty one within two days. Maybe I should do what Scarlett o’Hara did. There’s a bunch of curtains here.

            Why do I need a pretty dress? For some reason, (for pettiness, really) I want to be the most beautiful girl at the wedding. I’ll steal the show from Sybille.

***

            I wasn’t able to stay up and plot my evil plans. I woke up with a start. Day one is shopping, but that’s really for the lower-ranking soldiers who came with us. Thinking about it, I’m not really considered a rank-and-file soldier, despite my not being a squad leader nor team leader. I guess being the commander’s niece comes with its perks.

            So, today’s a free day for me. Should I get on with shopping? Hmm… Hold on, am I that petty?

            After deeming myself presentable enough, I decided to look for Erwin. Last time we’ve been at an event, he provided me with a dress. I laughed at that. Is Erwin Smith my fairy god mother?

             We’re staying at a big house, but it’s not the house we stayed at on our previous trip here. Honestly, I couldn’t care less about who owns it. We’ll go back to HQ the day after tomorrow, anyway.

            “ _Aaaaaannnnndddddiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”_  Oh boy.

            “Hullo, Hange.” She’s here. Of course, she is. Almost every squad leaders and team leaders are here.

            I wasn’t really in the mood to be around Hange, so after greeting her I just went on my way. But then she tackled me in a bear hug.

            “C-an’t … breathe!” This lady need to chill!

            “Sorry” She said, beaming at me whilst her glasses shine on menacingly.

            “You don’t look sorry.”

            “Right. I should’ve considered your feelings, with this being emotionally tough on you. I am sorry Andi.” She said sincerely. Sincerely!

            “What are you on about?!”  Instead of answering like any normal person would, she suggestively wiggled her eyebrows at me. What happened to the sincere Hange?

            I took a page from her book and instead of answering, I just gave her the most intimidating glare I could muster.

            I won. At least I think I did. She was the first one to break her silence.

            “You know, I really thought it was Erwin you liked. I didn’t know the Van Rumpade boy was the one who caught your attention.”

            “WHAT?!”

            “You ran away out of the blue, then we found out Van Rumpade is going to get married to someone else. Tsk. Erwin shouldn’t have dragged you here.” She said, patting me on the back.

            That was just so wrong. I didn’t think that’s the impression others would get from this … whatever the hell this is. Instead of telling Hange off and actually defending my honor, I just walked away. I can’t deal with this right now.

  
  
***  
  
  
  


            I found Erwin at the parlor. Wait, in a parlor. It’s a big-ass house, for all I know it has like ten parlors and twelve dining rooms. Anyways, I was fortunate to find him. He’s working on something. I wonder what, but seriously, right now I’m all about my problems.

            “Hey.” I said, sitting on the chair opposite him. Now that I’m close I could see that he’s working on formations. Ah Erwin, ever the hard worker.

            “Good morning. I see you’re much calmer today.” He said, setting his things aside.

            “Yeah, well there’s no use being angry, it’ll just exhaust me. Are you just gonna work on the formation all day?”

            “I’m afraid so.”

            Ugh … Guess I can’t bother him.

            “Okay. You can get back to it, I’ll just walk around outside.” At that, he looked at me, with narrow eyes. “And nope, I’m not running away this time.” Yeah, no way I’d do that again.

***

            Sigh. I can’t do it. I’d just try to blend in at the wedding. I’d do my best to be invisible. Heck, I’ll just pretend that I’m dying, maybe uncle Keith would buy it and let me sit this one out. I found myself at a park. Little rich kids playing their rich-kid games. Though, it’s quite similar to the games kids play back in Shiganshina. The only obvious difference is how the kids look.

            Now that anger has finally disappeared from my system, some form of regret is filling me. I didn’t want to marry Theodore, but thinking about him becoming someone’s husband is weird. Ugh ... what is wrong with me?

            It’s like, I want to tell everyone who would ever listen that he proposed to me first. I’m the one he wanted to marry. But seriously, what do I know? I guess I didn’t really know him as much as I thought. And to think I had a dilemma about him! It’s so unfair just how much time and energy I spent on worrying about me breaking his heart.        

            I can’t help but sigh. I wish I was home.

***

            I ended up tearing up a bit at that park bench earlier, and after getting a few glares from people I decided to just go back to our lodgings. I know I told Erwin I won’t bother him, but I’d rather just sit there with him than do anything else, really. 

            I still bothered to make some tea for Erwin and I, though. Just to have a pathetic excuse if he ever asks for one. With two teacups in hand, I went back to the parlor he was at. And he’s still in. I walked over slowly and sat down. It really is quiet here. I look over at Erwin since he still hasn’t acknowledged my presence. Well, looking at him now I can see why. He’s asleep.

            He’s so cute! Erwin’s mouth is a bit open. Oh! Where’s a camera when I need one? Welp, I guess more tea for me. I rushed really quick to my room to grab a book and went back, and he’s still asleep. I also need a sharpie right now.

***

            I passed my time reading, and occasionally watch Erwin sleep. But not in a creepy way! Anyhow, as I was in the middle of reading, Erwin stirred and yawned. Stretching a bit. Seriously, it’s so weird to see him be, normal, like this.

            “An …di?” He said, voice scratchy from sleep.

            “Mornin’.” I said. Clearly, he was still half asleep. It took him minutes to be able to talk to me.

            “What time is it?”

            “Almost dinner time.”

            “I see.”

            Well, damn. He’s as composed as he’s ever been. I’m a bit disappointed. I let him settle in a bit in the world – I know how nasty waking up from naps can be – so I continued reading.

            He lifted one of the teacups I brought earlier, “oh. It’s empty. This one, too.”

            “Oh yeah, I got thirsty. Sorry. I’ll go make you one.” I offered, but he shook his head.

            “No need.” He then stood up, “I’ll be in my room.”

            “Okay.” And he went on to the door, but before completely going out, he turned back to look at me.

            “Oh Andi, before I forget. Your dress is in my room. They delivered it while you were out.”

            I was stunned so I just nodded. Damn, Erwin is my fairy god mother. Well, technically the _they_ that delivered it to him, but still, they’re faceless and unknown to me.

            Hold on! A dress! A freaking dress! I rushed out, after slamming my book shut. Erwin was only a few feet from the door, and I caught up to him.

            “Let’s go get it! Hurry!” I said, a little too excited. I dashed to his room, and despite my telling him to hurry, he still took his sweet time walking towards me. UGH!

            After what seemed like an eternity, Erwin finally unlocked the door. I was so excited, I almost kicked the door down. True enough, a big ass box was on his bed.

            “Is that it?”

            “Yes.”

            He helped me haul the box to my room, which was conveniently near his.

            “So, who’s it from?”

            “Mr. Van Rumpade.” What? I guess surprise was etched all over my face because Erwin cleared it up, “the father. It seems he took a liking to you, and wants you to wear this.”

            “Okay. That’s weird. It better not be a wedding dress.” I joked. Very lame, I know. Erwin didn’t laugh. We opened it and it was so, well, fluffy!

            “It’s a friggin cloud!” I yelled. I was all skirt, full of ruffles. After two minutes, I managed to pull it all out and found that is has an upper part – an off-shoulder top with more ruffles on the edges. It’s white with little green flowers, 1860’s style.

            “Oh. My. God. This is straight out of Gone with the Wind!” Seriously, this is so much like the dress Scarlett wore to Ashley’s family party! Now all I need is a ridiculously big hat and surely all eyes would be on me.

            I almost forgot Erwin was with me.

            “That’s a really nice dress. It really is odd he sent you that. Especially the color choice.” He said, frowning. He makes a good point. I thought only the bride was allowed to wear white during a wedding? But hell, what do I know? I’ve only been to three weddings in my life and almost all happened during my early childhood! But still, this kinds of enables my evil plan – stealing the spotlight! I can’t help but smile.

            “Now that’s done, I’ll be off. The wedding’s at three o’clock tomorrow afternoon so you better be prepared by then.”

            “Three o’clock? What’s this, a children’s party?” Seriously, kid’s birthday parties are always scheduled at three. Aren’t they?

            “What? Why would it be – huh. You know what? I gave up months after I met you on asking for an explanation about these weird things you say.” Erwin looked exasperated. But I don’t feel sorry for him. He called me weird.

            “Weird? Hange is weird. Not me.”

            “Alright. Goodbye.”

***

            The moment he closed the door, I ran to the mirror, holding the dress in front of me to the best of my abilities (as it’s pretty heavy!). Gosh, it’s huge. I’d take up three seats in this. Why send me this, really? Whatever. I decided to try it on and think about what I’d do for my hair. Good thing I have a bathroom in this bedroom. And yes, I’m all alone here but I still went to the bathroom to change.

            Wow. I know how cheesy this sounds, but I feel like a princess wearing this. It’s no Disney princess gown, but it still is lovely enough. I’m so glad I could pull off this white cloud, with green flowers. Hmm, maybe I should practice what I’d do with my hair? I pretty much dashed outside the bathroom and ran straight to the vanity. I sat down and looked at the mirror and – “HOLY BULLFRAPKT!”

            “Shhhh! It’s just me, Andi.” 


	21. Then Again, Maybe I Would

            “Shhhh! It’s just me Andi!” Said Theodore. Stupid, fucking handsome Theodore! While standing behind me like some killer in a trashy, slasher horror film!

            “What are you doing here?” Now that he’s in front of me, all I feel is anger. Well, technically I had to turn around for him to be in front of me.

            “I need to talk to you.”

            “I don’t care. How did you even get in here? You know what? That’s not important. Erwin’s room is just a couple of feet away and I am sure he’ll come running the moment he hears me scream.” My head’s blank. No, my mind’s blank. I’m just angry. Erwin should be here. He’d tell me what to do. He’s the Jack Donaghy to my Liz Lemon.

            “No. Just, please listen.” He begged, stepping closer.

            “That’s it!” I was about to scream when he rushed to me, and stopped me from opening my mouth. How? By kissing me!

            There we were, in my big ass, super pastel room, me wearing a white (with green flowers!) fluffy dress and him and his perfect face, perfect hair and … I can’t remember what he was wearing. It was all so sudden. And yes, I’m letting him kiss me. Wait, I shouldn’t let him do this. I feel, horrible.

            I pushed him off. “Stop. Stop this. What do you think you’re doing?”

            “Andi, I …” He started, but then he turned his attention to my dress. After looking me up and down, he sighed, “you look so beautiful.” His gorgeous green eyes found mine, and I felt my knees give up a little. Damn his gorgeous eyes! He then motioned to kiss me again, but finally this time, I found the courage to push him away _before_ the kiss.

            “Stop it! Stop … toying with me! I’m so confused, I don’t understand what’s going on in that head of yours! One day you ask me to be your wife, then you kiss me, then I found out you’re marrying someone else, then you trespassed into my room to kiss me again?! What the hell?” I can’t help it. I was crying by then. “I just … I don’t understand.”

            It was so hard to breathe. I felt like I did a hundred laps around HQ, and did so while trying to keep up in a conversation with Hange, all while a naked-ass titan chasing me. My heart feels like it’s gonna burst. I hate this feeling.

            Two strong arms wound around me. I tried to resist, but he was strong. Or maybe I was just a crying, snotty mess by then. I don’t know. But I think he was trying to comfort me despite my protests.

            “Why, Theo?” I give up.

            He took a deep breath, and as he talked, his voiced break quite a few times. Also, I know for a fact he was crying, too.

            “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you everything.”

            “Now’s a good time, don’t you think?”

            But we didn’t go straight to talking though. We took our time calming down, hugging each other. When my breathing was steady enough to be deemed regular, I broke the embrace, “let me change out of this first.”

            “Alright.”

***

            While I was gathering my sleepwear, I finally got a good look at Theodore. He was in his pajamas – I assume. It’s a button down mauve shirt and black pants. Weird. Can’t believe he left home in that.

            I went to the bathroom and change into a moss green shirt and beige pants. Pajamas.

            I found him sitting pretty on my bed, despite the abundance of chairs in this room! I have a freaking sofa set in here! I went on to sit at the vanity, where I was planning to sit on before.

            I cleared my throat. “So, you want to talk?”

            “Yes. Well to start off, I don’t want to marry Sybille. Believe me. I’ve known her almost my whole life and I just can’t see her like that. But my father, he had other ideas, see. When I joined the Survey Corps for real, he wasn’t too happy about it. I’m the heir, the only son. And a few months ago, he finally struck the deal with the Luitgards. I was to wed their daughter.”

            “A few months ago?”

            “Yes. But by then, I was already … smitten with you. I always have been, Andi. And when father told me about this, arranged marriage, I panicked! “

            “So, you proposed to me?”

            “Yes. I was hoping father would call it off with the Luitgards. And I also get to be your husband. I know how this sounds, Andi. But trust me, my feelings are true. I am desperate, I even got you that white dress. But that isn’t enough. All I want is you.”

            I feel bile coming up at the back of my throat. I wanna throw up. He didn’t want to marry that girl because he doesn’t love her, same reason I said no to him. We are literally in the same boat, and I seriously wasn’t really supposed to be in it! If he knows how it feels, why is he forcing it on me? Why drag me into this? It’s not like it’s my fault he fell in love with me.

            “It isn’t white. It has green flowers.” I told him. Seriously, I want to ram his head but I’m exhausted – emotionally and mentally.

            He smiled. “You look very lovely in it.”

            Silence wrapped around us. I should phrase what I’m going to tell him carefully. I said it so myself – he knows how he made me feel. I can run away from him – heck I already did. It wasn’t him who dragged me here. He can’t run away from this … or can he? If he decides to run away, he won’t be the rich kid anymore. He’d be thrown into the harsh reality of working for a living. What’s more, he won’t get to marry the girl he loves.

            There’s still no way I’d marry him. I do feel sorry for him, but I love myself more than I love him. What do I tell him? He’s like a brother to me? But that seems gross. I liked kissing him. And I definitely wouldn’t like that if I do see him as a brother.

            Despite my emotionally addled brain, I need to clearly explain how I feel. I need him to understand without making him feel worse. To start it off, I moved from the vanity to the bed and sat beside him.

            “Let me get this straight, okay? A few months ago, your father informed you about an arranged marriage with that girl. Then you didn’t want it to happen. You don’t love her, and at the same time you actually are in love with someone and that’s me. So, you asked me to marry you, hoping I’d say yes and your father will call off the engagement?”

            “Yes.”

            By then, his hand was wrapped on mine. And I let him. I felt like this is something we both need.

            “I’m scared. The thought of marriage scares me. It’s too sudden. And wise men say, only fools rush in.” Ah, yes. The mighty words of Elvis.

            “I know. I’m … I’m sorry for putting you through this. I guess I’m also a fool.”

            I was at a loss for words. Not because of emotion, no. It’s because all I could think of saying are just really mean things. Like, _you think?_ Or, _you better be sorry._ In the end, though, I just smiled. No – wait.

            “Poor fool.” I said. Badumn tss. Theodore smiled at that. It sounded too much like purple. I know, our humor standards our pretty low. But that smile was short lived.

            Theodore sighed, dropping on the bed. He was looking thoughtfully at the ceiling before he continued, “I don’t know what to do.” Then he looked at me, as if I held all the answers in the world. Sadly, I do not.

            I let go of an exaggerated sigh, like the drama queen that I am, and joined Theodore. We are now both staring at the ceiling, side-by-side and our breath are almost in sync. “I can’t tell you what to do. I can’t – rather, I shouldn’t decide for you.” I turned on my side to look at him, and he did the same. He looks so torn.

            I took a deep breath, because that’s what you do before saying something in serious moments such as this. “You know, someone told me before, that _each decision you make holds meaning only by affecting your next decision._ So, whatever you choose to do, make sure you won’t regret it. Follow your father and get married tomorrow, or be disowned and live like an average person, or maybe try to go back to the Survey Corps. Heck! Be a doctor!” I said. Ugh. Why did I give him ideas? I was supposed to let him decide!

            He looked at me as he processed my words. He really is thinking hard about this. Anyone would, in his position.

            “Thank you, Andi.” He said with a smile. Finally, I think that line I used was magic. It was the same thing Erwin told me days before. Though Theodore still looked conflicted, it seemed like his load was lighter than before.

            Out of nowhere (as we lay still on the bed, facing each other), his hand flew to mine and brought it to his face before kissing it. He laughed, somehow, it sounded different than usual.

            “For old time’s sake.” He said with a grin.

            “Alright.” And so, we’re back to our staring contest. But then a thought popped into my head.

            “Oh, before I forget, how did you get in here?”

            “Well, this is one of my father’s mansions, so I kind of have a key.” He said sheepishly.

            “Of course, you own this house. And what’s with the dress? You said you got it for me?”

            At that, he flushed a deep scarlet, and he finally released my hand. Grabbing a pillow, he turned on his stomach and buried his face on the pillow, muffling this awful sound that he’s making – it’s like the laugh of a Brushtail possum.

            “Hey!” It’s pretty clear that this guy’s a drama king. Imagine us be husband and wife? Drama king and drama queen, and we’ll have little drama babies running around. LOL. Kidding aside, his ears (ear; at least the one I can see from where I am, which is beside him) are red, so as his neck.

            With a grunt, he faced me and told me, “it’s embarrassing.”

            “What could possibly be that embarrassing?” I asked whist laughing. And that prompted him to go back to suffocating himself. All that was left for me to do was to continue laughing and to stare at his hair. It’s pretty nice to see him flustered like this. I can’t help but to think that if we had more moments like this, I might have fallen in love with him.

           Through the past year, I’ve known him, we only talk about casual and random things. Stories and poems, expeditions and theories – those kinds of stuff. I just realized we’ve only scratched the surface of each other’s personality – and yet he loves me? At least he says he does. Or maybe he does feel that way. Heck, Jack and Rose fell in love in what, three days? Romeo and Juliet in one day? I guess some people are just like that. And some are like me – cold hearted.

            Okay, not cold hearted. Just not into that stuff.

            Theodore seemed to stop making that noise. Oh no, is he dead? Did he suffocate himself?

            “Hey.” I nudged his shoulder. Nothing. Oh boy. I sat up and turned him around, and his eyes were closed and he looked, peaceful?

            “Fuck!”

            I hurriedly planted my ear on his chest, and _phew_! There was a heartbeat. This idiot’s still alive, just asleep. I resumed my position beside him and observed his handsome face. He really looks lovely. I can’t help myself, so I touched his hair. I tried to move a stray from his face – but who am I kidding? I just wanted to touch his face.

            Why is it that even though you don’t love someone, you get to urge to touch them? Hell, even to kiss them! Or is that, love? Meh. It isn’t, right? Ugh. Judy Blume’s _Then Again, Maybe I Won't_ should have prepared me for this. Wait, was that right? Was it _Summer Sisters_? Whatever, that’s beside the point. I just freshly finished my teenage years, so of course, I’d be confused about this.

            Seriously, though, I shouldn’t really feel like kissing him. I should never allow him to kiss me again. I should never kiss him back.

            Hmm, then again, maybe I would.

            I sighed. Just thinking about all these is making me tired, both mentally and emotionally.

***

           

            Muffled noises were surrounding me, and I could hear a couple of hurried footsteps. Wait, they sound far away. I stirred, but I couldn’t move. Finally opening my eyes, I finally found out why I can’t move.

            “Why does this always happen to me?” I hissed. Why? I woke up with my face on Theodore’s chest. This guy has his arms around me! This is Farlan 2.0. I looked up to his face, and boy, for someone asleep he looked tired? His forehead’s knotted, eyebrows drawn close together. I managed to move my hand somehow, and I tried to smooth over his forehead. I did good. And he seemed to be in a really deep sleep.

            He looked so tired. I guess I never really did consider how he feels about everything that’s happening to him. I’m starting to feel sorry.

            Putting aside my sympathy, I need to get out of here. Learning from what happened with Farlan before, I turned on my stomach this time. I would like not to be groped this time.

***

            “Success!” It took me, maybe three minutes to escape his iron grip. Surprisingly, he’s still asleep. I decided to freshen up and get out of this pajama.

            Donning my SC uniform – minus the 3DM gear and the jacket. I’m wearing this only because I don’t have anything else to wear. I can’t exactly wash my clothes here – heck, I wasn’t even the one who brought this uniform here!

            _Thump! Thump!_

            Hmm? I went to the door. Looking out the window, it’s still dawn. Who could this be?

            I opened it, and the tall figure of Erwin loomed over me.

            “Sup?”  With the door open, I could finally hear people rushing about. Their whispers and footsteps echoes around.

            “Have you seen Theodore Van Rumpade? He seems to be missing.” Erwin asked me, without any preamble.

            Shit. He’s sleeping on my bed. OH FUCK! I was about to look behind me, but I stopped myself midway.

            I quickly looked back at Erwin. Hurry, Andi! Where’s your sassiness now?

            “Uhm … Why are you asking me?”

            “I think you’re the one he wanted to see the most. Any chance he sought you out?”

            Erwin’s gaze was so intense, I feel myself breaking under it. I steal another glance. Wait, don’t look Andi!

            Erwin’s hand shot to the door, an eyebrow up in the air.

            Too late. He went it.

            “Wait.” He saw him. There was Theodore, whom in my absence was sprawled eagle on the bed – my bed! What would anyone who’d see this think? What would Erwin think? I Erwin looked … mad? He was furious.

            “Wait!” I said again, this time my hand was on Erwin’s arm. He turned to me so fast, and leaned down intimidatingly close. A shiver went down my spine. I’ve never seen him like this before – and I’ve seen him fight titans. I gulped, but there was nothing to swallow. My throat had suddenly become very dry.

            “I can explain!” I whispered, afraid I’d wake up Theodore. I don’t want to wake him up. I think him being awake would only complicate things more. At least that’s what I think at the moment, with Erwin staring me down.

            “Then explain!” He hissed.

            “He asked me again last night and I said no again then we cried and we talked a bit then he fell asleep then I fell asleep that’s it!” I rushed out, without taking a breath.

            “Honestly! That’s it.”

            Erwin continued looking at me, eyes as narrowed as they can be. He then moved his hand to his forehead, finally covering his eyes.  

            “This really was a horrible idea. Pack your things, Andi. I shouldn’t have brought you here.”

            “What?”

            “We’ll leave today, you and I don’t have to be at the wedding. Pack up. I’ll inform the commander. You must be ready to leave when I come back.”

            And just like that he was out. I was frozen in place. What the hell did just happen? I turned to the bed and lo and behold! Theodore was still fast asleep. Oh no. I rushed about and gathered my stuff. Good thing I only have one suitcase and a handful of clothes. No one should see me here. Heck, even without seeing me, people will get the wrong idea!

            Shit, shit, shit! I could feel tears beginning to pool on my eyes. I finally finished packing and decided to wait out by the door. Luckily, Erwin was just coming back when I got there.

            “I’ll just grab my things.” He said, powerwalking to his bedroom. A few moments, uncle Keith arrived.

            “Erwin told me.” He said before I could even utter a word.

            “We just talked.” I say anyway. He just gave me a grim smile.

            “I know. I’ll take care of this.” He said, as Erwin reappeared from his room.

            “Let’s go.”

            Without any questions, I followed closely behind. I didn’t look back.


	22. Playing House

**[A/N: Hey guys... So, this chapter might be a disappointment. I personally don't like it, so, yeah. The last half of March has been hard for me. Anyhow, I'd do my best to write better chapters, and just a warning, there will be some explicit stuff soon. Thanks for sticking around :D]**

 

We took a carriage straight out of the gate. I was still shaking. Seeing Erwin like that, was scary. It frightened me, especially how it might have changed how he sees me. He hasn't looked at me once since we left. But he didn't look as angry as he was before. We were quiet. So quiet. I didn't even dare ask where we're going. All I could do was look out the window.

I feel horrible. I should've slapped some sense into Theodore and told him to go home. Ugh. His wedding's today, and he will wake up in my bed. That's just, so wrong and weird. Nothing did happen aside from us just talking, but not everyone would think that. I'm shuddering at the thought of that. I hope uncle Keith is doing really well with regards to fixing this.

But how do you fix this?

I bit my lip so hard that it hurts. There's a knot in my chest, so tight that I couldn't breathe properly. My hands were shaking, still. It was the shock and adrenaline. Funny, this seem to have shaken me up more than fighting titans. I was looking out the window, but I couldn't see. Not really. My head and thoughts were still with Theodore, in his mansion.

So what, if people think we slept together? It doesn't have anything to do with them. Wait, no. No, no, no no! I don't like that. Especially when it isn't true. And Erwin, he was mad. Why? I could feel the knot forming on my forehead. Why was he mad? He thinks something happened? If that's it, then why be angry? Shouldn't he have been surprised? Confused?

I'm not about to go ahead and ask him, though. Yet I turned to look at him. I gasped, surprised to see him looking at me. I try to avoid his gaze and looked at my boots instead.

"Andi." He said, quite calmly.

"Hmm?" I should really get my boots cleaned.

"Andi, I'm sorry I scared you."

"I wasn't scared." I tried to tell him. But I wasn't very convincing, what with my voice shaking like that. Erwin let go of a deep breath, his hand reached for mine so I finally looked at him.

My breath got caught at my throat. Erwin looked, heartbroken. He really feels sorry.

"I apologize. I made a very stupid decision, dragging you somewhere you didn't want to be. I …" Erwin Smith, the man everyone thinks can't feel any human emotions aside from hunger, is baring his soul right in front of me. Wow.

"Forgive me, please?"

Is it normal to feel, guilty? Even though I'm the one he's asking forgiveness from? I felt like I should forgive him – that I must! But then, my curiosity got the best of me.

"Why, though? Why bring me here in the first place?"

"Ah, that's because … I'm a monster."

"Huh?" Instead of answering though, he just grimly smiled. As if he's in on a very sad and tragic joke – and maybe he is.

"Also, about how I reacted earlier. It's just, seeing Theodore there made me see red. I was mad at him – not you."

"Oh!" Of course, gosh! I see him as a brother, so what's stopping him from seeing me as a sister? And you'd react like that if you see something like that concerning your sister, right?

"Oh." I said again as realization hit me. The only people who knows about this are Erwin and uncle Keith. Two people I trust the most – my family here. Seeing Erwin like that just shocked me, but I know whatever happens, he'll have my back. The way I have his.

He let out a breath. "Finally."

"What?" what is he on about?

"You finally smiled today."

I can't help but laugh at that, out of relief. "Yeah, I guess I just did."

It seems now that the events this morning was distant history. What I'm feeling now is the total opposite of how I was feeling earlier. A few silent moments passed after we talked, and after endlessly fiddling with my boots or generally anything that catches my attention, I looked outside.

"Hmm, have we been here before?" This doesn't look familiar at all. I mean, the buildings' styles are, but the layout is foreign. This doesn't look like Stohess at all.

"Oh, we're passing through Yarckel today. Stohess isn't open for everyone right now. Because of the wedding." Erwin explained.

"Huh? They closed down Stohess for that?"

"It's their dedicated route, and with all the nobles and powerful people, they needed precautions."

My mind was brought back to the wedding, again. It really is happening, I guess. I wonder what's going on back there?

"Yarckel didn't change much, hmm?" Erwin commented, more to himself.

"You've been here?"

"Yes. This is where I grew up, actually."

"No way?! Your hometown?" I looked back out the window with interest. Suddenly, I see everything as if they were shimmering. Funny how it was just some old town a few seconds ago, but knowing Erwin lived here gave it something special.

"Where's your house?" I asked, face almost sticking out the window.

"Ah, it would be near the school."

I'm excited. This is the very first time Erwin opened up about his origins. And it's just amazing that we happened to be here! We could walk down memory lane!

"We could stop over there if you want to." Erwin volunteered.

We passed by a couple more buildings when a big, old one came into view.

"That's the school?" I asked. He nodded in response before adding, "my father was a teacher there."

"Whoa. A teacher, huh?" It kind of surprised me that Erwin's the son of a teacher. Heck, it's kind of strange to think of Erwin as being a little kid with parents. Looking at him now kind of make me think that he just sprouted off the ground fully grown.

"You never did talk about your parents. I guess you should visit your folks today as well." We're already here, aren't we? Honestly, I'd like to see where Erwin got his looks from. And maybe have a clue on what he'd be like thirty years from now – like if he'll be bald or something.

Erwin stayed quiet, but he's always like that. I continued gawking outside.

The coach soon came into a stop, in front of a modest two-storey house. It was similar to the other houses – made of stone and wood. Undeniably though, this neighborhood is relatively rich. Being so close to Mitras, it should be. Still, I can't believe Erwin grew up well off.

"This is a nice house." I said, emphasizing every word. Now that I'm up close, I can see that it's quite different from the other houses. It's a little dustier, and the lower part of the walls are mossy. It looks neglected.

"Ah! Erwin my boy!" A man yelled as he walked out next door. It was a portly man, with a very outstanding and round belly. He seems to be in his late fifties, with a moustache that curls at the ends almost cartoony. Can someone be bald but have curly hair at the same time? Because that's how he is – totally bald on top with some curls ringing it. There's no way he could be Erwin's dad. Or if he is, I bet Erwin's adopted.

"Gerry." Erwin was very curt. He just nodded at the old man, but Gerry still looked happy to see him.

"My, my'" Gerry didn't get the hint and approached us, "it's been years since you last dropped by! I'm afraid I haven't been able to clean the house as well as I used to. Bad back, you see."

"I see. That's alright, no need to burden yourself over this Gerry." I can see how Erwin was trying to drive Gerry off, but he just doesn't get it.

"Nonsense! I can get my daughter to help ya out. Carina cleans that house up every now and then, you know."

I so wanted to sass mouth him then. Like, if his daughter does what he says she does, this house should be clean! I chose to pretend to be good, so I stepped away from them, inching closer to the house. Yep, I am trying to pretend to be out of earshot.

In the end, though, it just made me realize how tiny I seem to some people as only when I moved away was the moment Gerry noticed me.

"Oh! You brought someone. I didn't see ya over there, girl." I honestly felt physical pain stopping myself from cringing. I opted for a smile, which I'm guessing looked totally fake.

"Oh, yes. This is Andi. She's my – "

Weirdest thing ever. Erwin wasn't able to say anything. He can't tell Gerry what I am to him. What am I to him? He seemed to be having the same dilemma, as we locked eyes and boy, was his eyebrows so close to each other!

Funny, though, how I'm at a loss as well. Saying I'm a subordinate is correct, but it doesn't really justify our relationship. Simply saying we're friends is the same. I mean, I have friends like Hange and Nanaba and honestly, my relationship with Erwin is a lot different. And it is just plain weird to tell people out loud that I'm _like his sister_ or _he's like my brother_.

"Silly me! I could have guessed! You'd gone and married someone from the survey corps as well, you old dog you."

"What?!"

"What?!"

Both Erwin and I yelled out in surprise.

"Married?" I asked this Gerry guy.

"Why of course, aren't you Erwin's little wife?"

Little, wife?

"About time, too. Always knew ya were a late bloomer when it comes to this stuff, Erwin. Still, ya done good. This one's real pretty."

I feel, odd. Gerry was going off about his imaginary scenario regarding mine and Erwin's relationship, and none of use was stopping him. I don't know about Erwin, but I feel odd. Like, being pricked by a thousand pins, but instead of being hurt, I feel excited?

I feel like smiling. I can't really explain it, but there's something funny about being mistaken as Erwin's wife. I turned to look at Erwin and he got this deer-in-the-headlights kind of look. I finally lost it and laughed.

"Uhm, see, I'm not Erwin's wife." I told Gerry.

"Oh, my! Forgive me for making ya uncomfortable!" Gerry said, making a lot of hand gestures. And he looked quite embarrassed. Just as he should. He did say a lot of things, even commented on Erwin being a late bloomer.

Now that I stopped laughing and Gerry won't stop apologizing, Erwin's silence is turning this into a very awkward moment. I honestly don't have anything to say. So, when Gerry finally stopped apologizing, we were all suddenly silent in the most cringe worthy, most awkward way possible.

That moment seemed to go on for hours.

Gerry cleared his throat, "well, I better get going. I'll leave ya to yer business then, Erwin, Andi." And off he goes.

"Well, that was awkward." I said, stating the obvious.

"It really was." Erwin said. He no longer looked like a deer, but he still has that softness that you wouldn't regularly see in him. "Gerry was never really tactful."

I walked closer to his house before asking, "no one lives here anymore?"

"Yes. Since I started training. I do visit every once in a while, but it's never a priority." Erwin said, producing a key from his pocket. He then opened the house.

Despite it being quite dirty outside, the inside wasn't really dirty, Dusty, yes, but there aren't any cobwebs. I guess next-door Gerry was honest about his daughter cleaning.

The house looks bare. You know how model houses are? With complete furniture, and no personality at all? Like no one lives there? That's how this house looked. No, I forgot. Model houses attempt to look like people live there by scattering knick-knacks around. But this, there aren't any decorations at all. Not even a single picture. Then again, they don't have camera's here.

"Hmm … just dusty." Erwin commented whilst looking around.

Something's off. I walked a bit, and found myself in the kitchen. It's quite spacious. Clearly, this house is – was – nice. It doesn't compare to the houses in Mitras, but it's so much better than the houses in Shiganshina.

"Oh!" Realization hit me hard like a giant, yellow school bus. Where are Erwin's parents?

Before thinking about it, I opened my big mouth. "Erwin, where are – " Erwin answered before I finished.

"They died when I was young."

"Oh." Should I say sorry now? That's what people do when they hear about people having some dead loved ones, right?

"I'm sorry?" I said, and mentally kicked myself. Why am I so bad at these kinds of things? Erwin rested a hand on my head. "It wasn't your fault."

Erwin and I decided to clean up a bit. We didn't have anything to do, and weren't in a hurry to go back to HQ. We could take our time, and maybe even spend a day here, since uncle Keith and the others will be going home tomorrow, we might as well go home with them, as was originally planned.

Since the house only needed a little sweeping, it took only about an hour to clean up. We got plenty of time. Erwin and I decided to walk around town.

It was beautiful – just the right mix of a rustic and sophisticated feel. Hmm … This is making me think more about Erwin. Not in a teenage-girl crush kind of way! It's just, making me understand him somehow.

On the surface, you will really question anyone who would want to join the military, let alone the Survey Corps, growing up here. It's in the inner district – no titans, no hunger, and certainly no poverty. But here is Erwin, one of the most promising Squad leaders there is. The only reason I could think of was his parents, or how he lost them. That may be what pushed him to the corps.

"Andi, are you hungry yet?" Erwin asked, halting our walk.

"Famished." I answered. Seriously, I haven't eaten anything since we left Mitras, and its noon now. We looked around for a good restaurant, and passed by the market. Oh yeah! This is the inner district! Looking around, there are quite a number of meat for sale.

"We can still use your kitchen stuff back home, right?" I asked, remembering his kitchen. It was old, but there are a decent number of pots and pans that are still useable. And we could buy anything else we'd need.

"Yes, we only need gas and firewood. Why'd you ask?"

"Mind if I cook up something?" It feels like forever since I last cooked something. Ah, the one thing I've always excelled at.

"Oh? I didn't know you can cook." Erwin said, smiling. Is he teasing me?

"What a tragedy! You've never tasted anything I cooked, huh? That settles it! I'll be cooking our lunch and dinner." I declared, before running off to buy ingredients.

The selection of spices was pitiful. There are salt and pepper, though there's barely anything else like paprika and stuff.

Thank goodness I found everything I'd need for a pot roast and veggie stir fry! We'll have the veggies for lunch, since it's fast to cook.

"Need a hand?" Erwin asked, the moment we made it back.

"Uhmm, sure. Yeah. Can you cut the carrots into strips?" I asked him since I hate doing that.

We were in the kitchen, chopping up ingredients, cooking our lunch. Hmm, there it goes again. That weird feeling.

"Ah!" I exclaimed.

"What is it?" Erwin said, not taking his eyes off what he's doing.

"Nothing." I said, smiling to myself. Considering how Erwin reacted hours ago, I don't think it'd be good mentioning to him what I'm thinking.

What was I thinking? Well, anyone looking at us right now would come to the same conclusion as Gerry did. We do look like a couple. It's like we're playing house, and I don't hate it.


	23. I'm Never Gonna Sing Again (To the tune of Careless Whisper)

            I plopped on my bed, as if I don’t have any will to live anymore. It was an exhausting week – somehow way worse than expeditions. As Erwin said, we waited for the rest of the corps before going back to HQ. Hange was so generous in supplying me of some wedding details. Theodore did get married.

            Apparently, that Sybille girl is pretty. Shiny and long black hair that was curled to perfection, clear and smooth ivory skin, and a teeny-tiny waist. Well, that seems pretty average to me, but if they think that’s pretty … No! I’m not bitter!

            Why would I be? I’m the one who repeatedly turned Theo down! Besides, I’m the one he wanted to marry.

            Ok. I am bitter. Somehow, I feel empty. Like I lost at something. And I secretly hoped that Theodore would have ran away. But that’s stupid of me. I guess, I am stupid. Heck, I don’t even understand myself.

***

            It’s the middle of the night, and we’ve just arrived. Despite my exhaustion, I don’t feel like sleeping.

            “Maybe I just need some air.” I decided. The cool, night breeze might do me good. I tried making little to no noise as I get out of my room. Erwin and uncle Keith are next door, after all. I made my way towards the office wing.

            “Huh…” It wasn’t a mistake, was it? Turning him down? No. I should just stop thinking about this altogether, and ignore the gnawing feeling that I’d be forever alone now.

_Hoooot …. Hooooot …._

            “Hmmm?!” What was that? An owl? Strange, nights are usually quiet around here, save for the rustling of leaves. I went on walking … where to? Ah! I went towards the stairway and went up the rooftop above the office wing.

            “Ah, yes. Fresh air.” I moved closer to edge, stretching a bit before looking up. “It’s really beautiful.” Suddenly, and I mean really spontaneously and totally out of nowhere, I began singing as if I’m on High School Musical.

            “ _I spread my wings and I learn how to fly! I’ll do what it takes till I touch the sky and I’ll make a wish, take a chance, make a change and breakaway…”_ I took in a deep breath and started humming. It felt oddly refreshing, singing. It was all I could do here.

            “I didn’t know you could sing.”

            “What the fruck?!” I turned around, my heart seemingly jumping off my chest. “Damn, Farlan. What the hell, dude?” I am embarrassed. Why did I have to sing?!

            “Fruck?” He asked, chuckling all the way. It pisses me off how he looked so amused right now. Oh, I wanna punch his face in so bad.

            “I was trying to say freak, then fuck.” Why the hell am I even explaining it to him? “What are you even doing here?”

            “What? You’re not the only one who gets the urge to sing out loud.” He teased, as he walked closer to me.

            “Ugh.” Plopping down, I sat cross-legged and Farlan followed suit. Resting his chin on his hand, he proceeded to look at me, as if prodding me for … things. I don’t know, it seems like he wants to know what’s up.

            “What?” I asked him, crossing my arms as well.

            He was studying my face for something, before he went all business, throwing away whatever jokes he thought up about my singing. And honestly, I’m quite thankful for that.

            Like I said, he was all business as he asked, “are you okay?”

            “No.” I answered and the dam breaks. I spilled everything to Farlan. I don’t understand why, but I just poured my heart out and told him everything. And this is so weird! I mean, Farlan’s practically a stranger! And yet I am telling him things – like how I really feel!

            “I just… don’t understand why I feel this way.” I told Farlan, ending my wonderful story of _The Andi Adventures_. “I really should feel relief, right?”

            He pondered, munching on the words I said. He even closed his eyes for added effect, nodding his head every now and then. His eyelids fluttered open, showing me those light-gray eyes of his – which I can’t really see right now as it’s nighttime, mind you. Nevertheless, I feel the weight of his stare.

            “Basically, you feel betrayed by Theodore-Rich-Boy.” He said, as if it’s the cure to cancer.

            “Theodore-Rich-Boy? Farlan, you suck. That’s not really creative.”

            “Like Sybille Leotard’s any better?”

            “Well, tell me if you come up with something better than that.”

            “Sure, if that’ll make you sleep better.” He joked – and it was laced with sarcasm – before continuing, “though I think your reaction is completely rational. With what you told me, I’d expect that jerk to run off, too, and not go along with the wedding.”

            “I know, right?” I yelled, over excited that someone is finally saying what I wanted to hear. Well, that was embarrassing. Farlan doubled over, laughing his ass off.

            “For someone who isn’t in love with him, you sure are taking this seriously.”

            I bit my lip, contemplating what to say. I mean, I think I do know why I’m a mess right now, but I’m afraid to face it – to say it out loud. However, Farlan turns out to be a wonderful listener. He isn’t just some sounding board. He actually gives feedback which I really need right now. And somehow, it’s really easy talking to him.

            “I know.” I uttered, all calm now. “I guess, I’m just disappointed. It kind of felt good, you know, knowing that there’s this one person who’d actually want to marry you. But then, he went up and got married to someone else right away. That made me feel like I’m disposable.”

            “Well, that’s just his loss. Besides, I doubt he’s the only one who’d ever want to spend their life with you.” Farlan told me, following it up with a flirty wink.

            “You know Farlan? I needed that. Thank you.”

            He then tried to bow to me, whilst sitting, as if he’s some gentleman saying, “my pleasure.”

            I can’t help but smile at him. I can’t believe it! I feel a hundred times better right now. In return, he flashed me a smile so lovely which only made me feel better. He is right, I’ll meet more people. Theodore won’t be the last … whatever he was.

            Silence enveloped us, we stopped smiling at each other first, of course. We were both looking up at the stars for a good while before I broke the silence.

            “Oh yeah, gotten used to the night sky yet?”

            “Uhuh.” Farlan answered, turning his view from the sky to me. “Actually, the three of us would sit out here and look up at the stars. I can’t believe there’s too many of them.”

            “Yes. There’s just too much of them. And to think they all got names.”

            “They have names?” Farlan squealed, like a kid in a candy shop. Needless to say, his excitement and enthusiasm rubbed off of me.

            “Yes! Yes, they do. I only know of a few, though.” I turned my sight back to the sky, letting go of a sigh. “So beautiful…”

            “Yeah. I never really thought it could be this lovely. I mean, sure it’s a lot different than what I’m used to, but this is just superb!” Farlan said, giddy like a kid.

            We stayed still like that, laying down and stargazing. And let me tell you, this is really lovely. I was actually starting to finally feel sleepy, but then realization hit me like that big, yellow school bus that ran over Regina George – I can’t fall asleep beside Farlan again!

            I sat up so fast, I got a little dizzy and saw spots.

            “Whoa! What happened to you?” Farlan asked, laughing a little as he went on and followed my lead sitting up. Obviously, though, he did it normally.

            “Nothing! I… ah,” I faked a little yawn here, “just sleepy. See ya tomorrow. Toodles!” And off I go. I’m pretty sure I left a smoky silhouette back there, as if I’m Roadrunner. Thus, I don’t really know how Farlan reacted, but if I were him I’d be totally weirded out/

***

            The next expedition is almost just two months away. Gosh, so much has happened! Still, training must go on. I’m in charge of overseeing sparring sessions today. Would you look at that? I am in charge! A person of power!

            “Well, well, well… If it isn’t big shot Andi!” Nanaba teased as a stride to our table during breakfast.

            “Hello, losers!” I yelled. I mean, Hange is technically a team leader, but still… it’s nice to get a little drunk on some power, no matter how small it is. I mean, there’s hardly anything entertaining here.

            “Aren’t you just in charge for the day because Flagon’s off today?” Mike asked. Ugh! Him and his big nose. But I won’t let him burst my bubble.

            “They could’ve assigned anyone, but I was chosen.” I argued. Seriously.

            “Uhuh. Anyone could do it.” Mike answered. But he wasn’t done yet. “You’re the only one who’s experienced enough but doesn’t really have any important task.”

            “Oh my god, Mike?! This is all I have right now, so shush! And why are you even sitting here?” I honestly should be mad right now, as I’m pretty sure that was insulting. But I’m enjoying this back and forth a little too much. Though my question seemed to have Mike stumped.

            “Yeah, why are you here? Go sit with the other old people.” Hange added. She really is one of my friends.

            Instead of answering, though, Mike turned to look at Nanaba – whom he’s sitting with – and she did the same.

            Hold on! What?

            I have so many questions I needed answered right then and there but then some guy went up to our table and called Mike. He was being summoned by dear, ‘ole, uncle Keith. Saved by the bell, huh? But Nanaba isn’t.

            Mike stood up right away, looking a little too relieved for my taste, but not before flashing Nanaba a worried glance.

            “Ehem?” Hange began. That signals our interrogation!

            “What was that about?” I asked Nanaba, looking her straight in the eyes.

            “Nothing.” She said in a small voice I’ve never heard from her before. She then began playing around with her food, and I couldn’t miss that dust of pink on her cheeks. OMG.

            I guess Hange came to the same conclusion as me, as she began laughing like a maniac.

            “Wow.” I said, because I really don’t know what else to say. I always knew that Mike and Nanaba liked each other, but they’ve been so, I don’t know… normal? My two friends…

            Nanaba’s slips curled up in a small smile that made her glow. Anyone looking at her right now would be able to tell that she’s a girl right away. Don’t get me wrong, Nanaba’s beautiful! But in a boyish kind of way. Like, a member of a boyband or boygroup. Okay, that doesn’t really make much sense, but seeing her right now, I could really tell that she’s happy and in love.

            “We can talk about it later – when you’re ready.” I told her. Honestly though, I really want to hear all the details right here, right now. But I gotta act like the good friend that I am once in a while.

            “Oh, yes. Sure.” Nanaba said, and we went on with our breakfast.

***

            I walked to the field on my own after breakfast, and a little lost in thought.

            “A boyfriend, huh?” Man, I’m so happy for them. I know I’m kind of jumping the gun here, saying they’re a couple, but that just makes the most sense. I know they like each other all this time. Nanaba, Hange and I should really have a girl’s night. Just because we’re soldiers doesn’t mean we can’t act like you regular, young ladies. And yes, we can be proper ladies when we want to – I think.

             “Oi, what’s with that creepy grin of yours? Cut it out.” A harsh voice cut through my thoughts. What now?

            I turned around and was confronted by the three _thugs_ we recruited almost a month ago. It was Levi who spoke oh so respectfully to me. Farlan nudge him, clearly scolding him for being an ass. Isabel gave me an awkward smile and a quiet “hello.”

            “Well good morning, sunshine!” I said in the most sickeningly sweet way I could ever do, and Levi’s forehead knotted at that. Oh, the satisfaction! Clearly, the feeling is mutual between us – we don’t really like each other.

            “Hey.” Farlan said, trying to diffuse the tension. I just nodded in acknowledgement. It’s kinda hard to turn off the fake sweetness right now.

            “You’re all scheduled for hand-on-hand practice today, right?” I asked, still sounding a little fake. Really, it’s tough being a bitch. Can’t stop it even when you want to.

            “Oh, yeah! That is today! Man, I’m so excited to show off my coolness.” Isabel chirped, flexing her arms, showing off her cute muscles. Yes, cute.

            “What coolness are you talking about?” Farlan asked her, ruffling her hair.

            “Idiot.” Levi muttered before deciding to walk away. Ooh. So, he doesn’t treat me any special – he treats everyone horribly, it seems.

            We all walked together – sans Levi – towards the practice field. Most of the newbies are out there already. Seems like we have a dedicated batch this time around. Thinking about it, I might be the only veteran right here. Ugh, this suck. I hate being the responsible adult. That doesn’t mean they are all younger than I am – I bet a lot of them are older. Still, I’m the only one with actual combat experience, which makes sense since I am the assigned trainer here.

            Levi was already standing among the crowd, proudly displaying himself upfront. Farlan and Isabel fell in next to him and I took a spot in front and grabbed everyone’s attention.

            “Good morning, soldiers.” I said, trying to stop my voice from cracking. It’s difficult to sound loud and not shrill. I want to sound like a respectable officer, and I think I did well. The crowd stood at attention and saluted me before greeting me back.

            Wow. That felt good. I could get used to this.

            “At ease. Today’s pretty easy, we’ll just be practicing our hand-on-hand combat skills. Pair up and begin. Anyone slacking off will get stable duty!”

            “Roger!” They chorused and proceeded to pair up. Now’s the time for me to chill. Of course, playing grown up was over in a snap, these sessions hardly ever need overseeing! Still, I have to play my role. I decided to walk around and check them, at least. I mean, see if anyone else – aside from me – is slacking off.

            Lo and behold, there was one. Standing with his arms crossed over his chest, and with little care in the world, Levi was just looking at Farlan and Isabel who seems to be just goofing around.

            “What’s this?”

            Both Isabel and Farlan stopped, so as the few pairs near them.

            “Ugh, training.” Farlan sheepishly answered, before grabbing Isabel in a headlock.

            “Hey! No cheating!” Isabel protested, which fell to deaf ears. Farlan’ attention was on me and Levi.

            “I don’t have a partner.” Levi answered simply. That may seem totally innocent, but somehow that pissed me off. Honestly, I don’t know why but recently (at least before I ran off to Shiganshina) Levi is getting on my nerve. It seems like you can’t put us in the same room at all!

            I want to punch him. Oh! I can punch him, right here, right now.

            “Then I’ll be your partner.” I offered, bracing myself. He did the same, his lips curving up to a grin.

            “Sure, let’s do this!”


	24. H.H.W.W. (Holding Hands While Walking)

 

            The satisfying crunch of my fist against his jaw was the single most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. That is, of course, an exaggeration. But that only goes to show just how awesome I feel right now.

            Levi and I had been at each other’s throat for what felt like hours now, and we have yet to actually hit each other until I landed that punch. I’m a little amazed at myself right now, actually, since I seriously have improved when it came to being effectively violent. I mean, I can be violent – like scratch, kick and pull hair. But never have I ever known just where and how to punch someone.

            “Tsk.” Levi then spit, his eyes ablaze with what seems like pure anger for me. I can’t help but smile like an idiot. He went in for a kick and I tried to duck my way out of it, but then his fist was going so fast towards my face! It was a feint? There’s no way I could avoid this – If I try to lower myself more, I’ll land face first on the ground!

            I brought my arms in front of my face, and made it just as his fist hit.

            “Ugh!” I felt his punch… like, the full force of his punch, and fell on my ass. Ow! That hurts! That was seriously painful! My left arm took the brunt of it, and I can’t feel anything right now – aside from the pain. Levi’s that strong? I used to train with Erwin, and this pain is completely foreign!

            Hang on, that can’t be. I stood up, evidently angrier now. I’m gonna finish this once and for all. I stood up straight and braced myself. Levi went in for another punch. Lucky me. What’s more, it wasn’t a feint this time.

            I caught his fist, using both of my hands, and tried to take advantage of the power of his punch to twist myself up, raising both my legs and catching his head in the process and knocking him down – head, still between my legs. I totally did it, black widow style!

            “Oof!” I’m not gonna let go of Levi until he surrenders!

            “Wow!” A collective gasp then followed.

            “That was so cool!” Such words of praise were thrown to my direction – seems like everyone’s eyes were on us.

            “The hell? Get back to training!” I snapped, and most of them were too spooked of me, I guess, that they stiffened up and went back to their business. The few ballsy ones still made a lame attempt in trying to look as if they were training – that few includes Farlan and Isabel.

            “This… doesn’t… e..nd… ugh.. here!” Levi said, in between deep gasps for air. I got him good… but then he started struggling. Damn! I should have tried to knock him out!

            “Oh, shit!” I can’t believe this! I was still holding onto his right arm, so he only has his left to try and free himself from the headlock. And I don’t really understand how on earth, but I can feel him starting to succeed. Levi is really strong!

            He’s twisting around, and was trying to use his lone, free arm to free himself, and it is working!

            “What the hell is this, Andi?” The people gasped and moved away from me and Levi, making it easier for me to spot who the voice belonged to.

            “Commander!” I immediately let go of Levi, both of us rolling over to get up on our knees.

            Drawing a palm to his face, uncle Keith asked me in a somewhat condescending tone, “what are you doing?”

            “Training. See, he doesn’t have a partner.” I explained, pointing out Levi. Honestly, what is wrong with that? I was doing my job.

            “I see. However, instead of training, everyone here decided to watch the two of you.”

            “Oh. Right, well uhm… you three take turns, ‘kay?” I commanded, pointing at Levi, Farlan and Isabel who are the closest to us. They – meaning Isabel and Farlan – nodded and went on with their business.

            I can’t believe I just barked orders so casually like that – like I wasn’t headlocking Levi mere seconds ago.

            Uncle Keith sighed before walking a bit farther away, deciding to watch over. Ugh, what the hell is he doing here? And I thought I’d be the highest-ranking soldier in here right now.

            “I didn’t think you’d be here with me.” I said, as I got closer to him.

            Folding his arms over his chest, eyes still on the training recruits, he answered, “I thought so, too. But I don’t have much to do now that I let Erwin take the reins. He’s the one making all the arrangements, since we’ll be trying out his formation.”

            “He’s making the arrangements?”

            “Well, yes. For now, at least. He wouldn’t need me till the meeting. I’m still the commander after all.”

            That ended our small talk. We didn’t talk until I had to dismiss everyone. I don’t think uncle Keith is too happy with what’s happening in the Survey Corps. I mean, he’s still alive but people are warming up to the idea of having Erwin as the commander. And most commanders retire by kicking the bucket.

            The commander and I walked to the mess hall together. Parting ways just after we got inside, I watched him walk over to his usual table. Most of the higher ups are there, except for Erwin. He must be slaving away on those expedition plans and whatnot.

            As luck would have it, most of my friends aren’t here yet – mainly Hange and Nanaba. The others in my squad are busy talking over something, and there’s no vacant seat. Oh, well. I sat on a vacant table, expecting this to be the first peaceful lunch I’d have in a while, but I was wrong.

            “Hey!” Farlan greeted, sliding up next to me, with Isabela and Levi right behind him.

            “Hey...” I said, which sounded a lot like a question.

            “I can’t believe what you did earlier! That was so cool!” Isabel said – nay, yelled – excitement extremely apparent in all her features.

            “Tsk. She was just lucky” Levi protested, and, man… he is glaring at me. Honestly, he’s right. I was lucky. It was in my favor that uncle Keith came up and broke the fight. Levi was quickly overpowering me then, and being commanded to stop allowed me to save face. Thank goodness for uncle Keith.

            “Now, now Levi. That’s no way to make a friend.” Farlan interjected – somehow defusing the building tension.

            “No, he’s right. I didn’t think you’d be that strong.” I told Levi sincerely. I might be an asshat most of the time, but I do know how to be decent every now and then. At my statement, all three looked taken aback.

            I just shrugged.

           To my great relief, lunch passed by peacefully – we talked (mostly just me, Farlan and Isabel, obviously), about the things that are totally mundane to me but foreign to them. But nearing the end of our meal – by then Isabel’s plate was licked clean and she has already scarfed down half my bread roll -, Isabel asked a question I’m pretty sure almost everyone would want to ask a Survey Corps soldier;

            “What’s it like beyond the wall?”

            “Not so different from within the walls.” I told her. Which is true. It’s just grass, and tress and ponds… nothing new.

            “How?” she asked, head tilting to the side like a curious puppy. Even Farlan and Levi look interested in hearing about the _outside world._

            “Well, there are plants, and tress and rocks…. Really, the same view like around here – save for the titans.” Of course, the titans. The huge difference between here and out there.

            “How big are titans, really?” It was Levi this time. This is probably the first time he has ever talked to me in a neutral tone.

            “Uhm… it varies, really. There are some tiny ones – maybe three meters tall. The biggest one I’ve seen was probably around sixteen meters.”

            “They don’t even reach half up the wall? Well, that’s a relief!” Farlan added.

            “Oh. But what do they look like?” Isabel inquired. I can see just how interesting this talk is to her – her face is practically a breath away from mine!

            “They’re hideous.” I answered honestly. “I have yet to see a pretty one.”

            “Hideous how?” Levi questioned. Really, titans are such an object of fascination to them?

            “Well, they’re humanoids – you know, one head, two arms and two legs. Though, sometimes their heads are too big for their bodies, or just their eyes. Some have hair, some don’t. They’re really like, oversized ugly people.” Who would’ve thought, it’s a bit tough describing titans. The fact that they all don’t look alike is reason enough, but the variation in their sizes are also extreme. There are some just eight feet tall – as tall as say, a bus. Then there are those that towers over lie skyscrapers.

            “I didn’t expect them to be human-like. They eat people!” Isabel commented, complete with her signature arm movements.

            “Question is, why do they even eat people? They can definitely survive without eating any!” An uninvited voice boomed at the end of our table – “Hange?” I blurted out. She looks so filthy right now, you’d think she rolled around ashes and soot. What the hell was she doing?

            Right after her, our usual group of friends slowly walked in. Looks like the gang’s complete. Though, Farlan, Levi and Isabel didn’t look too happy. They weren’t really giving my friends a welcoming vibe, and Hange was the only one who dared approach us. She is either really brave or really insensitive to facial cues – I know for a fact that she’s both.

            She went on her usual tirade about titans, and how capturing one should be our top-most priority. On the other hand, Nanaba and the rest are seated a bit farther away… cause they’re normal. Levi has his usual glare on, gracing Hange who doesn’t give a damn. Farlan has a really good poker face that would shame Lady Gaga, while Isabel looks like she’s having a hard time feigning disinterest – she was the one most curious about titans after all.

            ***       

            The moment I finished eating, I excused myself. The thug trio was long gone by then, yet since I can be a slow eater at times (especially if I was eating with a cute guy * _cough; I was eating with both Farlan and Levi*)_ I was stuck with Hange. Nanaba and the others betrayed me. They still don’t want to be caught in one of Hange’s lengthy _Titan 101_ lesson.

            Still, I got away and am looking forward to a day outside. I’m free this afternoon! Finally! After hell week, I think a little window shopping – no matter how pitiful the wares here at the edge of wall Rose is – would make me feel better.

            I didn’t even bother changing out of my uniform, it is more comfortable than my pseudo milk-maid dresses anyway.

            “Where are you off to?”

            “Farlan!”

            It was Farlan, leaning on a wall like some cool anime guy. “Don’t you have training to do?” I asked him, because really. Why does he seem to pop up wherever I am?

            “If you must know, Andi, I’d rather spend my day with a pretty girl like you than some old guy teaching me something I already know.” And he of course finished that off with a very flirty wink.

            I know that pretty girl comment should make me feel icky. That was so cheesy, but coming from Farlan? I felt… well, I felt pretty. Maybe that’s because I rarely hear compliments of that nature? Or just that I like it when it comes from Farlan? Hmm… I’m not so sure.

            “Outside.” I told him, then I proceeded to walk letting Farlan follow me.

***

            “That’s a chicken, right?” Farlan asked, pointing on a rooster that was, well, roosting.

            “Yes. That’s one called a rooster.” I explained. See, on our way to the market, we’ve passed by some farmlands and ranches. And this one has chickens clucking around – free range chicken is the norm here, you guys!

            “Rooster? I thought they’re just chickens.”

            Huh. I guess I am understanding the expression _living under a rock_ more now. We stopped in front of the Chicken Ranch, and I pointed on the rooster.

            “That one you pointed, that’s a rooster. That means it’s a boy. That thing on its head that sort of look like, well fingers, is how you could tell a chicken’s a rooster. Then those others over there – “I then pointed at the rest of the chickens, - “those are called hens. They’re the girls and they’re the only ones that lay eggs.”

            “Interesting. I never really thought that there’d be different names than just girl or boy.” Farlan pondered, eyes still on the chickens in front of us.

            “Oh, yeah. There are always other words for that, for every animal actually.”

            Farlan turned to look at me then, before adding, “you’re really smart, Andi, you know that?” And he flashed me a smile so adorable and so, so beautiful. It’s making me feel … things… butterflies! I couldn’t help but giggle like a schoolgirl.

            “Not really. Just well read, I guess.” I tried to shrug it off, but I can’t help the smile tugging at my lips.

            “And humble?” He teased, nudging me a little.

            “Hey!” I tried to punch his arm, but somehow the neurons in my brain misread the signals and I ended up holding onto Farlan’s bicep. I froze. He froze. But he recovered fast enough.

            “Andi, I never really noticed how small your hands are.” He said, eyeing my hand still wrapped around his bicep – which I am sure that he’s flexing at the moment.

            “They’re not that small.” I said, finally pulling away from him.

            “Yes, they are.” He argued, grabbing my hand and comparing it to his own. And dude, my hands are small! Or maybe because his were huge – like really manly hands. We were comparing the size of our hands when Farlan’s suddenly grasped mine! Like, his fingers just wrapped around my hand.

            “What…?”

            “It’s my first time outside HQ. Do you want me to get lost?” Farlan teased, still holding my hand. He’s holding my hand!

            Needless to say, I was dumbfounded. I can’t believe boys actually do this. Hand in hand, we continued walking. We were quiet – I have no idea what to say… but I have to admit, holding hands while walking sure does feel good.


	25. Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: I'm back! I've been away due to - surprise - health reasons. I was almost bedridden for months, every movement painful. Had a couple misdiagnosis, but finally had enough and sought out a third opinion. Found out I had a twisted pelvis and curved spine due to an accident I had years back, then had physical therapy almost everyday for a month. I still do feel pain every now and then, but nothing I can't bear :D. Thanks for sticking around! Comment, favorite and share!)

 

"Oh my gosh! I can't believe they have this here!" I exclaimed the moment I saw a bakery display of sugar cookies. Well,  _barely-any-sugar cookies_ , really. Still, this being at the edge of Wall Rose and Wall Maria, good treats are such a rare sight. I literally dragged Farlan to the bakery.

"What's so special about them?" He asked, amusement evident on both his face and voice.

"Sugar, Farlan! Sugar!" Despite shaking his head and clucking his tongue, Farlan was smiling at me.

"Don't tell me you haven't had sugar cookies before?" Farlan shrugged at that… I kind of expected it to be that way. No worries though, he's about to get some.

We sat at the pitiful park, sugar cookies in hand.

"Come on, have a bite." I said, convincing Farlan to have his first taste, but he didn't make it that easy.

"Only if you feed it to me." He smirked, looking at me in that way only he does… like I'm about to melt anytime. I was… mesmerized? I took a cookie from the bag and actually fed it to him… and he bit it with his eyes staring deep right into mine.

I never thought it'd be possible to look so hot while eating something so fattening. Farlan managed to do just that, and more. It did things to me… at least, I felt something changed.

He finished it up, licking his lips for the leftover sugar. Man, I now understand what it means to call someone hot. I get it, and I know Farlan deserves to be called just that. Why do I feel like kissing him now? This is… isn't right?

"t…t ….s ..ood…"

"Huh?"

"I said that was good." Farlan repeated, snickering at me. "What happened to you, Andi?" He asked, grinning from ear to ear. Turns out I was staring just a little too long. Man, that's embarrassing.

"Nothing." I retorted, shaking my head as if I could get rid of what happened. I don't know what to do… but I do know what I want to do. Just thinking about it urged me to lick my lips. Damn! When did I become just like a wolf in heat?!

"Hmm, nothing, huh? Your face is really red." Farlan commented, moving his hand to cup my cheek, he went on, "especially right here."

The world stopped. It was just me and Farlan, right then and there. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach, and my heart was beating so hard, so fast, that I won't be surprised if I just exploded. My sight traveled down from Farlan's eyes to his lips… which I have done maybe a million times today. I really want to feel his lips against mine.

I think Farlan noticed my traveling eyes, so he licked his lips the way that only he does.

"Tut, tut, Andi. Don't make me start something we can't finish. Not in this crowded park."

That snapped me out of…. Whatever this was, "what?!" The invisible force that was pulling me towards him moments ago, suddenly repelled me away. What was I thinking?

Laughter erupted, an arm's width from me. Farlan was doubled over, laughing at my misery. What a git. Isn't that funny? One moment, I wanted to kiss him, the next I wanted to strangle him.

"Ugh..." I decided to focus on my cookie instead. What am I doing, making a fool out of myself? This somehow reminds me of how in my younger years, me and my classmates does this slum note thing with a lot of cheesy questions such as who is your crush, what is a crush, and what is love. I used to always answer that love is admiring someone. What the hell was I saying? I can't even remember the reasoning behind my go-to answer for the definition of love.

Clearly, I have barely any grasp on this… emotional stuff. That's why the Theodore thing was such a roller coaster of confusion and panic.

I don't think I'd know right away, but I do know one thing: I like Farlan. I am yet to be comfortable with the fact that it's taken me this fast to like him. But I can't help it; I enjoy being with him and I want to know more about him. I can't help but smile at the possibilities.

A poke at my cheek pulled me back from my thoughts, and the handsome man I was with was crouched over, to peek at my lowered face.

"Hey, don't finish all the cookies!" He whined with a goofy smile. And like a goldfish, I've forgotten what I was thinking about and just went on to share the cookies with him. I'm happy to say that the rest of our day passed by with us exchanging harmless jokes and complaining about the absurd lack of sugar in our daily diet.

We ended up walking around the riverside, and this is just beautiful. I like the quaint, countryside feel surrounding us. Makes me feel like I'm in a Harvest Moon game. I can't believe that in the past year, I could count on one hand the number of times I went out for a stroll.

"Ahhh! It feels so good to be outside!" I declared, stretching my arms a little and taking a deep breath of the fresh, yet somehow fishy air. Ah, yes, the smell from the market.

Farlan nudged me, "but you're always outside."

"Technicalities! I rarely go out of the base."

"Even if you don't have work?" He asked face crumple to smithereens. You could tell he was scandalized by the thought. I guess this is another item on his  _List of things sun-dwellers does that I'll never understand_.

"Yeah. I just lounge around the base, napping or reading. Or Help out with Erwin's and the commander's paper work." Sad. So, so sad. This is what I've been doing for the past year, and my only social life were Erwin, Hange, Nanaba, Mike and those Titans – oh, so many titans.

"You, help out with paper work?" He teased, nudging me again. "Just what kind of paper work Erwin do?"

"Oh, he's in charge of the armory. So, he does inventory and for anything connected to that – like the blades, gas, the gear themselves, buckles, cables, even our guns and gunpowder. He also takes care of purchasing. Then every after expedition, as the squad leader he has to sign condolence letters… you know, for those under him."

"He is the one in charge of that, hmm..." He muttered, looking as if he just entered his own world. I never thought he'd be interested in anything about Erwin. This was short lived, though as Farlan soon turned at smiled at me. That was odd, to say the least.

Still, I don't think it mattered much. For all I know, I'm as much of a weirdo to him as he is to me. Besides, I don't really feel good about him hating Erwin, so this little interest of his is a relief.

"Good thing you skipped out helping him today." He said after a few minutes of silence. I can't help but agree.

"Yeah, well I can't really do much help right now. The formations are all his. But a while ago, we were busy writing petitions and requests."

"Oh? What for?"

"Expedition funds. We had a generous sponsor for a while," namely, the Van Rumpade family, "but that alone can't fund the whole Corps. Funding from the government wasn't a sure thing." Harsh, really. Though, that was some tedious work – well, all of those paper work are. You have to have over a hundred copies of a single letter, and there aren't any printers!

There are presses for new papers, yes. But you can't honestly expect us to be able to afford them when what we are being fed are stale bread.

"Hngh, I thought soldiers are part of the government. Aren't they in charge of ya'?"

"Not everyone in the government likes us. They think we're wasting money, venturing outside the walls. Especially with our high death count."

"That's just stupid." He declared. With a weak murmur of agreement, I continued to walk alongside him.

As we walk farther from the river and into the marketplace, the strong smell of various merchandise reaches us, especially those that comes with clouds of smoke. Seems like those caught Farlan's attention.

"Mmmm... I smell food! "

"Ah, I see the amazing aroma of their street-meat has reached you!" Yup, street-meat. They have various street food here like some nuts, grilled fish, eggs, steamed veggies and those street-meat.

"This is the upper dweller's mystery-meat food!" I don't really know exactly what they are, but they seem to be meat scraps from pork and chicken… and when I say scraps that includes the innards like the lungs, heart… you know, Zombie dinner staples.

With a little hoot, Farlan took my hand yet again and started dragging me to the meat.

"Why don't we eat dinner here? I've been getting really sick of our food back at the base."

"Oh boy, and you've only had it for almost a month?!" With an exaggerated shake of my head, I continued, "how would you last with us?" Still, I let him walk us there. I am, like him, sick of our food. It's just a rotation between, like, seven dishes. Seriously! Though we should be thankful as it isn't just bread and soup every single day.

"Heya mister!" Farlan greeted the vendor, who was currently tending to a batch of meat he's frying. See, those scraps are fried and then pierced with skewers. You buy them by the stick, and voila, dinner!

"Ten sticks please!" Farlan ordered. I know this is supposed to be our dinner, but ten sticks still seem a lot for the two of us!

"That'll be seventy-Muer." The vendor then began to assemble ten sticks of the meat and proceeded to wrap it in paper. And yes, money is called Muer. Before I could grab my money, Farlan was already dropping his on the vendor's palm.

"My treat." Finishing off with yet another wink. Okay, so he's treating me to dinner! Classy. We went back to the park and propped down on the grass. The sky was already starting to have an orange tinge, signaling the end of the day and the streetlamps are all slowly getting lit by the lamp-lighters.

"Bread and meat, huh?" I said, looking at our simple menu.

"It's better than boiled potatoes. And, the bread is not so stale."

"Can't argue with that."

It was fun, having dinner with Farlan. He never seems to run out of stories. He told me about how he's actually the gang leader, yet he saw how Levi was actually a hell of a lot better. That was refreshing, he wasn't a guy with a huge ego who wants to tell everyone that he's the king of the world. Farlan tells it as it is.

Darkness was soon upon us, and our food were all devoured so we decided to head back. And we didn't have any regrets, we did get to binge on cookies and meat. Slacking off has never been this great!

The sun has set by the time we got back, and it was very difficult walking the dirt roads in the dark. It was quite cloudy so the moon wasn't much use, and you can't honestly expect streetlights. I mean, there are street lamps, but they are far in between and the candle lighters are not really quick on their feet. Farlan, though, seems to have no problem. Perks of living underground, perhaps?

"Agh!" Shit! I almost fell flat on my face if it weren't for Farlan whose arms are suddenly wrapped around my waist.

"Careful!" Ah yes, very helpful, Farlan. But I kept my mouth shut, he did catch me after all.

"Thanks." I instead opted to show gratitude."

"Heh. You're really not what I expect a Survey Corps soldier to be, Andi." He said as he finally let go.

"Only because you haven't seen me in the field yet."

"Oh, yeah?" he challenged, and somehow, he thought it necessary to lean closer to my ear. A chill spread through my back, yet I was able to look him in the eye. It was dark but somehow, there was a glint to his eye that did not help.

He straightened up, ending this… torture. But then he grabbed my hand for the nth time today.

"Just in case you trip again." And we walked back to HQ.

It was late when we got back; not a single soul was in the field and the mess hall seems to be abandoned.

"We really took our time, didn't we?" Farlan said, as he continued to drag me along. He is still not letting go – not that I mind, of course. We went on towards the officer's wing,

"Wait! The barracks are right there!" I complained, pointing behind us where Farlan is supposed to go.

"What? You honestly expect me to let a lady like you walk back on her own?" He scoffed.

"Farlan!"

He finally turned around, four feet away from the dorm's door.

"Alright. I guess you won't be tripping here." He teased, letting go of my had. I can't help but pout, upset that his big and warm hands are not on mine.

"Pfft. You're so cute." Lifting a hand to cup my cheek, he went on, "hey, stop putting like that Andi. You're cuter when you smile."

Why is it that when someone told you that you have a beautiful smile or that you look cute when you smile, you can't help but do it? My cheeks are kind of hurting because as much as I try to stop it, I can't hide the smile that was forcing its way onto my face.

"You say a lot of… these things, don't you Farlan?"

"What things?"

"Flirty things." Farlan then burst out laughing, breaking the total silence. Oh my god!

"Shhhh!" I panicked and covered his mouth with my hand right away! It's the middle of the night, and people don't really trust him. "Shhhh"

" _Pfft… owkeeey."_ A very muffled okay came out. I let go and Farlan was still giggling like a little schoolboy.

"What's so funny?" I hissed. With a smile plastered to his face, Farlan shook his head.

"Nothing. Never mind that."

Still a little skeptical, I decided to just nod. "Alright. Uhm, I can walk back from here. The door's right over there."

"Okay then. I'll head to the barracks." He said, yet he's still standing here, looking at me.

"Uhm?" His mirth from just a few seconds ago faded, and he had a serious look on his face – as if he's thinking deeply about something.

" _Oh, what the hell."_ He whispered very softly that I wouldn't have heard it if we weren't this close. Before I could ask him what the hell was going on in his head – heck, before I could even breath – it happened.

So fast that it ended before I even comprehended what was happening.

"Goodnight. And… don't trust me too much." Farlan said in a grave tone before walking towards the barracks. He didn't even look back.

That was very confusing. My hand flew to my mouth, fingers grazing my lips. He kissed me. Farlan kissed me. Then he told me not to trust him?

I've been wanting to kiss him all day, and when he did, I couldn't even celebrate. Just what does he mean?


	26. Truth or Dare: 2nd Year Special

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: A double update? Yes! A day late, but since it's the story's 2nd year anniversary - I really am taking my time with this - I wrote this chapter that is fun and fluffy. Erwin/Andi shippers, rejoice! )

 

The whole walk to my room was filled with thoughts of Farlan. Why did he kiss me? Why did he say what he said before and after kissing me? Why? It was what I wanted, but Farlan just gave me a very confusing puzzle…

Even as I sat on my bed, my thoughts were of him. Ugh!

_Thump…. Thump!_

The knock on my door gave me a much-needed distraction. I didn't even wonder why anyone would knock at this time of the night.

"Andi!" Hange said raising her right hand.

"Whoa there!" She's holding up what seems to be a bottle of wine!

"Come with me! Huehuehue. We need to interrogate Nanaba!"

"Oh my gosh, yes please!" I need this very much! We ran off to fetch Nanaba from the barracks – see, she isn't an officer. Her bed room is thankfully at the first floor. We found her window quickly and proceeded to call her.

" _NaaaahnaaaahbaaaahI!"_ Hange said, as if she's a ghost with unfinished business.

"Hange, don't tell me you're already drunk?" In my rush I didn't notice that Hange seems to be… weirder than usual.

"Huh… A little." She smiled, before continuing calling Nanaba is that creepy way of hers.

After a few minutes, someone came up to the window.

"Hmmm… wh…what is it?"

"Nanaba! Come on, let's go to my room!" I whispered. We really can't drink and chat here, now can we?

"Why? I was sleeping." Nanaba complained. Yet she's putting her coat on.

" _Weeeee goot wiiiine!"_  Hange said before letting go of giggles. Gosh, I wonder how many bottles she'd had before this?

Once Nanaba joined us, we quickly went back to my room. Setting out a cup each and some dried fruit for snack, our bonding time began.

"So!" Hange began. "I gathered you here * _hicc!_ * today… to talk about Nanaba blossoming into a woman!" Hange managed in between hiccups.

"You woke me up for this?" Nanaba complained before downing her first cup. One thing you must know about wines here is that they're strong.

"It's not like it's that late." I said, and it's true. Probably around ten pm. But since this is the boondocks, almost everything shuts down after six.

"Fine." Nanaba was red. I don't know if it's the wine, or just her thinking about what we're going to talk about.

After a sip, I began our questioning. Well, I tried. "Mike an – "

"You and Miiiiikkkke!" Hange said, totally cutting me off! "How long?"

"Okay, straight to the point. I doubt you'll remember this but yes. Mike and I are… together."

I squealed! I literally squealed in delight! "Since when? Congratulations!" I managed, despite the building effect of alcohol in my system.

"Thanks, Andi. Just, a week. We're still testing the waters."

"But whyyyyy? You two are perfect for each otherrrr!" Hange complained, and honestly for a drunk person, she's making a lot of sense.

"We're soldiers." Nanaba said, a bitter smile on her lips.

"Of course."

Needless to say, we finished that bottle of wine. We talked a lot about Mike and Nanaba, and about titans (surprise) and life in general.

"Aggghh! It's… all gone!" Hange was holding the bottle upside down.

"Can't * _hicc_ * believe we finished that!" Now I also have hiccups. Then, even in this alcohol muddled mind, a brilliant idea came to my mind.

"Let's play truth or dare! But it'll be boring with just the three of us. Let's get the boys."

"Who? And what kind of game is that?" Nanaba said, as she lies on her side on the floor.

"I'll go get Erwin." I said before leaving.

"Erwin!" I knocked on his door but he's not answering. He must be in his office! I went to get him and I was not disappointed. He is still there, maps and paper spread on his desk.

"Andi? What are you still doing up?"

"Hi." I said, before coming in and sitting on his table.

"Andi… are you drunk?" Erwin asked, setting his things aside before concentrating on me.

At that, I sat as straight as I could. "A little. I only had a cup and a half. Are you done with work?"

Erwin's eyes are still narrow, and I know he does not believe me, but he indulged me. "For today, yes." He stood up, then reached out to me. "Come, let me walk you to your room."

"That's exactly what I want you to do!" I confessed, and I don't know why but Erwin's face is red… is he drunk, too? He was leaning a little, ready to assist me to stand, and that's just the perfect place for him to be at. I leaned in closer to his mouth.

"Andi!"

And sniffed. Hmm… alcohol? No. I'm the one who reeks of wine. "then why is your face red?"

"Come now." Erwin urged me to stand, and surprisingly I could walk straight. We reached my room where a confused Mike sat with an ecstatic Nanaba.

"What's going on?" Erwin wandered, seeing the plates and cups on the floor – not to mention, the empty bottle.

"Hmm, where's Hange?" We went inside and sat down. I think Erwin and Mike are talking? Then Hange came back.

"I have another one!"

Us three girls resumed our positions on the floor, while the boys looked on unsure."

"Oh, come on! Sit! Drink! Eat! We risk our lives all the time, we need all the fun we could have." I commanded.

I don't remember how, but we got the two to stay and do just what I told them to. We talked for a bit, snacking and drinking, before I officially started the game.

"Truth or dare!" I screeched.

Red-faced, Mike asked, "how do you play that?"

With a very exaggerated move, I waved the bottle we emptied earlier. "I spin this bottle. The person it points to will then have to choose between truth or dare. The spinner will ask the question or give the dare. Then that person will be the next spinner. Oh, and if you choose truth, prepare for a little pain."

"Oh. That seems fun." Erwin commented, smiling. Gah! Erwin and fun! What a rare combination.

"But!" I said, pausing for effect, "on every fifth spin, the spinner and the one the bottle points to must kiss! I they don't kiss in five seconds, then they have to make out for ten seconds!"

"What!?" Nanaba, Erwin and Mike asked, while Hange feverishly laughed on.

"But what if I spin it and it points at Erwin?" Mike asked.

"Then you choose if you want to just peck him on the lips or full on make out with him. I'll start! First turn!"

They still tried to complain, but there's no turning back now!

The bottle pointed at Nanaba! This is going to be so good!

"Truth or dare?"

With a gulp, Nanaba answered "truth."

"Okay." I crept closer to her. "Put your hands like this." I asked her to interlock her fingers.

"There." She did as she was told, then I started to press his fingers together near the knuckle.

"Ow! Andi! That hurts!" Nanaba's drunkenness seemed to have disappeared in the pain. I let go a little, besides this will be slow torture.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Making sure you'll tell the truth."

"Hehehe… I never thought you could be like this, Andi!" Hange murmured.

"Heh, that makes sense, actually." Erwin stated.

Nanaba looked to Mike for help, but he shook his head instead. "Let's play by the rules."

"Jerk! Agh!"

"Alright, question. Who here would you most like to make out with?"

"What! AGGGHH!" I pressed a little, but that could really hurt. The others laughed, even Mike. See, this is amusing. First turn in and it's very juicy. "Dare! I switch to dare!"

"Can she do that?" Mike asked. Seems to me he wants to hear Nanaba declare him as her answer so bad that he's a little upset. But no worries, Mike, I gotchu.

"Yes, but if you switch to dare, there's no going back."

"Alright, alright! Just, stop!"

I let go, and before anything else, Mike earned a punch to the shoulder from Nanaba. Erwin laughed at that. Wow. Erwin's laughing a lot. Is he drunk? Or does he genuinely find this fun?

"Dare." Nanaba said, facing me straight on.

"Go and make out for ten seconds with the one here you want to do it with." The other three dropped down laughing.

"What! But it's only the first turn! Nanaba complained, face flushed red. She looks like she already made out with some poison ivy.

"That's the dare. Do it or you'll forever be known as a coward."

"Fine!" Puffing up her cheeks, Nanaba went on towards Mike as we all expected. Mike smiled at her and they went for it.

"AYIEEEE!" This is the best! We were making so much noise that I am surprised no one's knocking at my door yet! Erwin was wolf whistling – whistling! While Hange and I are shaking each other. Ten seconds were up, and despite the circumstances, those two were smiling.

"Next!" Nanaba said, spinning the bottle vigorously. It stopped at…

"Hange!"

"Yesssss, my turn!"

"Truth or dare?" Nanaba asked, positioned to press Hange's hand together. But she won't be doing that.

"Dare!" Hange smugly said. She really seems to be confident.

"Okay." Nanaba seems disappointed she didn't get to inflict pain in others, but then she perked up at the thought of her dare.

"Go and wake commander Keith and tell him you love him."

"What?" Where did that come from?

"I knew it." Erwin said, snapping his finger.

Mike was giggling like a toddler, while Hange was like a fish out of water.

"You can still choose truth, coward." Nanaba smirked. But without uttering a word, Hange stood up and went out the door. We followed her of course.

"Commander!" Hange was already knocking when we got out. Of course, we're going to watch. "Commander!"

The door opened and a disheveled Keith appeared in his jammies. "What? Is there an emergency?" He asked, ever the responsible commander.

"I love you." Hange said before turning and walking back to my room.

"What?" Dumbfounded, uncle Keith's jaw was left hanging open. He turned to give us a questioning look, but we all just shrugged stifling our laughter

"Okay, third turn!" We went back to our game, with Hange commandeering the bottle. She spins and boom! It landed on…

"ERWIN!"

"Erwin! Erwin! Erwin!" I yelled, excited at what's happening.

"Truth or dare!" Erwin thought for a second, and maybe he considered how crazy the earlier dares were so he chose, "truth."

Positioning their hands, Hange and Erwin got ready.

"When was the most inappropriate time you farted?" Erwin was wincing in pain, and red-faced because of either the pain, the wine or the question.

"Hngh…. A meeting with the heads of the military at the capital!" Erwin answered. Satisfied, Hange let go.

"Hahahaha! Right in front of the big cheese?" Mike asked, holding his stomach in laughter. I can't breathe. Ah! I can't! Erwin, farting! His ear was red, yet he still tries to maintain a poker face. Without any words, he spun the bottle.

"Mike!"

"Oh no…" Mike said while laughing.

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare." Mike smirked, thinking that he got away from a question that would really hit him hard.

"Well then, sniff the armpits of every person here."

"Oh my god!" I can't help it. This is too good!

"But!" Mike protested. We all know how keen Mike's sense of smell is. "Even Hange's?" He asked, color drained from his face.

"Especially Hange's" Erwin said, smiling yet serious. Mike turned to Nanaba.

"Don't look at me! We should play by the rules." She said while winking seductively. Ha!

"You reap what you sow!" Hange said, pointing accusingly at Mike. Then raising her arm, giving Mike access to her armpit. Swallowing his pride, Mike did it. First Nanaba's, then mine, the Erwin's and finally, Hange's.

"Ugh, blegh!" Mike gagged. Could Hange really smell that bad?

"The fifth turn." We were suddenly calm. This is risky. Mike's spin should only point to Nanaba, if not it would be super awkward.

But he sucked it and spun it anyways. And it stopped at….

"Erwin?!" hahahahahahahahaha!

"Five seconds or you'll have to make out!" I yelled, reminding them. As quick as lighting, Mike pecked Erwin on the lips.

I dropped to the floor and rolled around laughing. I've certainly seen it all! Hange was on the floor like me, while Nanaba was jumping on the bed, squealing. This is a very interesting night!

A lot more of embarrassing secrets were revealed, I've also kissed both Hange and Nanaba – could finally sing I Kissed a Girl based on experience – and messed up the kitchen looking for something spicy and bitter.

We were almost crying while laughing, and this is seriously the first time I've ever seen Erwin so carefree and happy. It was the fourth turn as we reset it to one every time we hit five and Nanaba's was the spinner.

"Andi!" Whoo boy. After several crazy dares, I'm prepared to take on truth.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth." Bracing myself wasn't good enough. Nanaba's hold was painful.

"Ahhh! Hurry! Question! Ouch!"

"Who's your first kiss?" She asked before pressing a little harder.

"Ahhh!" All I care about right now is to stop the pain. "Theo! Theodore Van Rumpade." I confessed, and she let go. I immediately rubbed my hands, trying to make the pain go away faster, and noticed that it was only Mike and Hange who were noisy. Hange was saying, "called it." While Mike was chuckling. Nanaba was surprised.

"What?" I asked. She turned to look at Erwin but snapped her head back to me, "nothing. I just thought."

"Ehem." Erwin broke his silence, "why don't we continue." But the mirth was gone. What did go wrong? Awkwardness was starting to wrap up, so I decided to just continue.

"Whooo! Fifth turn! If that land on me again, we're making out!" Hange declared.

"No way!" I spun it, muttering  _please not Hange, please not Hange…._

And it stopped at Erwin. Before the others could start their countdown, Erwin slid closer and grabbed me, planting his lips against mine. In spite of my surprise, I closed my eyes and… savored the feeling. His hands… his big hands… one was behind my head, my hair in between his fingers. The other was holding on to my shoulder, pulling me closer by the minute.

The musky scent that I know if Erwin's enveloped me – drowning me. My senses were full of him! Touch, taste, smell… Erwin. My arms and hands that were hanging limply at my side suddenly grew heavy, so I did what my instinct told me to do; pull him closer. And I did just that. His hand moved from my shoulder to my back, and his lips moved against mine. Every breath I take was full of him.

"Whooo! You go Erwin!" Whistles and cheering of our friends were now reaching my ear, but I don't care. And Erwin seems to not care about that either.

Taking a leap, I tried to open my mouth, focus on his lower lip but then harsh pounding at the door rang around the room.

"If you idiots don't want to sleep, at least let others!" Erwin and I parted, seemingly jolted out of a spell.

"Uh-oh." Hange said, looking at the door.

"The commander doesn't seem too happy." Nanaba added.

"We should go." Mike declared and they left, I stood at the door, watching them walk about as they waved goodbye. Erwin standing by his door, which is right next to mine.

"Well…" He said as he looked at me and, wow. He's… glowing? I don't know, Erwin seems happy. "That was fun." He said, before that glowing smile of his turned into a somber one.

"Yes. That was… hmm." I don't know what to say. Do I say he's a great kisser? I am getting goosebumps just thinking about what happened earlier. Clearing his throat, Erwin proceeded to open his door, and just before he entered; "Goodnight, Andi."

"Night."


End file.
